Love Story
by Alyssa Cullen from Twilighted
Summary: The absolute last thing in Bella Swan's mind is uprooting her life Senior year of High School. Enter Edward Cullen, exciting in her feelings of passion, hatred and more importantly, passionate hate. Will life ever be simple again? AH/AU-M FOR LATER LEMON
1. Prologue

Love Story

Prologue

I'll never forget that first summer there in Forks. The weather was odd for that time of year; warm, certainly less rainfall then there had ever been. I think the sun shone more between April and June of that year then it had ever in all the years combined. Like—strangely—the heavens were opening for us. Beauty and brilliancy for the angel's to sing of.

I'm Bella, by the way. My formal name is Isabella Marie Swan, but everyone just calls me Bella. I was 17 that summer, turning 18 in the fall.

Being truthfully honest, I'm just your average girl. Pale skinned with mousy features and a heart shaped face, the only thing that set me apart from the other kids my age was the fact that I was always falling. Stumbling. I didn't have much equilibrium. My flat brown hair matched my deep brown eyes, and I lived in sneakers and t-shirts.

Yes, perfectly normal, perfectly average; nothing worth talking about. But as plain and normal and ordinary as I may be, nothing could have prepared me for those first few months.

And this…well, this is my story of how everything fell into place that perfect summer.

My mother and father had divorced when I was very young—an infant. They were the result of a high-school romance, two teenagers so swept up in love they got married and had me. And divorced within a year of my birth.

My mom Renee built a small home with me, and later her second husband Phil in Phoenix, Arizona. I flew up to visit my father every summer for two weeks since. Until I was ten, that is, that monumental year the very one where I'd demanded that my father come visit _me_.

I hated Forks, detested it even, and I had to draw the line. And I was sick of going up to visit a man who was so consumed in his job as Chief of Police, his idea of fun was taking me in to the station with him. That was the opposite of what I was.

I was a sun-worshipper; I loved how the sun's rays felt against my skin, lived for the heat of the dry desert and laughed at my mom's failing garden annually.

Charlie kept his promise—two weeks every summer co-existing with Renee for my sake, all for his baby girl.

My decision to move to Forks was entirely my own. When Rene needed to travel with Phil, I'd needed to transfer, mid-semester, to Forks. I had even applied to the local college there since my funds were incredibly non-existent.

It wasn't like I'd be alone, either. I had made two good friends through my childhood there; Jessica Stanley and Angela Weber, who lived on my block. I had kept in touch with them, both eager to see me and rekindle what we had before.

Everyday Forks was looking better and better; practical independence, college and my bright future right ahead and even friends to fill the gaps in between. Yes, my move to Forks was everything I had planned it to be.

Everything, that is, except for him.


	2. Chapter 1: Flashing Lights

Chapter 1- Flashing Lights

EPOV

"Stay right where you are and keep your hands up where I can see them!"

Fucking shit; fucking life.

_This couldn't be happening. Not again. _

"I said put your hands up where I can see them! Drop it, Cullen! I mean it! Put your Goddamn hands up!"

I was too drunk to even respond. Well, I wasn't really drunk, just intoxicated, underage, enough to break and enter. And deface private property.

Laughing at the joke that Police Chief Charlie Swan was, I dropped my paint spray can and bottle of Bacardi and groggily turned to face the headlights of the three police cars that had just screeched up behind me. The six lights shining brightly into my eyes, I didn't blink. I didn't back down. I wasn't afraid of them, of him, of anyone; hands above my head, rum bottles and paint cans at my feet, I smiled that same crooked, badass smile that magically spread girls legs wide open when I came around.

Emmett's big boom of a laugh behind me, I laughed along with him. "What's up? Chuck?" he asked, stepping up to my side. My right side, to be specific because that's exactly what Emmett was—my right hand man. He was my older brother by two years, my best friend and my confidant. He was also my partner in crime, very literally, as tonight had once again proven.

No one ever assumed that Emmett and I were brothers though our bloodline was thicker than any other of these lame hicks in town. Emmett was about two or three inches taller than me, though I was easily six foot one. He was thick too, two hundred and fifteen pounds of solid muscle, sans steroids. Emmett's features were a lot different then mine, too. He was heavier in everything, thicker and harder lines that he'd inherited from our mother's father.

His brown eyes particularly alight tonight because of the bottles of rum he'd copped from the liquor store were set in on old Chuck, his jovial hatred for the man equal to mine. "C'mon, Chucky; how long do we know each other, huh? How well do you know me? Do we really gotta go through the whole Central Booking shit again?"

"The hell we do, Emmett! Put your hands behind your back. Officer Forge? Arrest him."

And then he stalked over to me. As much as Charlie Swan hated both of us, Chief Swan had a special place in his heart where he stored up his hatred for me. He was going to personally arrest me himself, Old Chuck's favorite pastime. His face was almost purple with his fury as he stalked over to me, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Come to pick me up for our date, Chucky?"

He grabbed my wrists tightly without a word, but not without a deep sigh, exasperated. Clamping the cuffs tight around my wrists, he wasn't gentle at all. I'd have a bruise there by morning, and it was obvious he was taking his anger and frustration out on me. Again. "Ooh, Chucky; you've remembered! You know how I like it rough." I teased, but knew how deep a pile of shit I was in.

"Edward…" he breathed, rolling his eyes and leading me over to the car where Emmett was already in the backseat, "you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say could be held against you in a court of law…aw, hell, I'm not repeating this again. How many times have we gone through this?"

"Hundreds of times, Chucky. All of our best memories together have you rehearsing those lines to me. You know, those are my favorite dates. I like them better than the girls'."

He grunted in disgust as he pushed me into the backseat, slamming the door hard in my face. Turning to Emmett once I was situated, I sighed. "It's your turn to call dad, you know. I was the one who's one phone call was to inform him we'd beat the shit out of Jacob Black last time."

"Shit, man, but I had to call him that time we'd drag raced through Newton's store's lot and had pistols in the glove department."

"Yeah, I know; that was pretty fucked up. Daddy _dearest_ made us sell them. I fucking loved that gun, too. This one's not that bad though. It's nothing compared to 'Hey, Dad; me and Emmett just broke both of Jacob Black's legs and his nose. Bail us out?' Emmett…it's your turn…"

"Hey!" Charlie screamed as he banged his nightstick on the grating separating us from the front seats. The sirens and lights in full effect, we finally pulled off the 5 minute ride to the station. "I don't want to hear any more from you two!"

"All right, man. I'll make the call this time."

"Sweet," I crooned. The same wicked smile on my face, I leaned my head back into the head rest.

It wasn't long before we'd pulled up to the station, and seeing as how I was led in ahead of Emmett, I saw every face of every officer and lieutenant look up. Every face was the same; aggravation, tedium, '_not them again_'.

"Honey, I'm home!" I shouted gleefully as Swan and Forge led Emmett and me to the back room, again, to make our phone calls. Some snickers arose from the group of officers near the door, opening the gating with a loud clang.

"Back again so soon, Cullen?"

"What can I say," I shrugged nonchalantly, loving the attention and wallowing in the high from the bottles of straight rum I'd drunk; "I miss my boyfriend. I do what I can to spend some time with Chucky, here."

"Just get in the room, Cullen."

"Now, now, Chucky," Emmett teased, "My brother just admitted how much he loves you. It's only right for you to say 'I love you' back."

"Fuck that shit," I shot back to Emmett, and I could feel my eyes shrink into tight slits. "If I were gay, which I'm not, man—I've gotten more pussy then Hugh Hefner himself—the last hick in this deathtrap I'd settle for is _him_."

Before I knew it my head was smashed against the brick wall, Charlie's rough hand pushing the side of my face against it. I choked then, heard Emmett scream as I tasted the metallic taste of blood in my mouth.

"Now you listen and you listen good," Charlie yelled, spit flying all over my face. "You're in a hell of a lot of shit, boy, and I suggest you shut the hell up. I don't want any shit from you, and I certainly don't want to hear any sexual remarks." Pulling me back and smashing me hard into the wall again, I choked up more blood. "Are you ready to sit silent and cooperate?"

I was furious. He had me there, and if I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in jail, especially tonight, I'd comply. I felt my features pull in with my anger, my eyes hard and narrowed down to slits, I nodded.

"What's that? I couldn't hear you…"

"Yeah," I choked, agitated beyond belief that I was giving in to him when he was nothing to me.

"I can't hear you, boy. Yes, Sir. Let me hear you say it, Edward. Yes, Sir!"

"Yes, Sir!" I spat, acid dripping heavy from my words.

"That's what I thought you'd said." He smiled then, and I could hear the smile in his voice as he let me go. I fell to the floor then, doubled over as the blood spilt from the side of my mouth. "Which one of you arrogant sons of bitches will be making the call this time? You, Emmett?"

"Of course, Charlie. Anytime."

The clang of the bars behind my vision, I managed to roll over from the spot where Charlie had left me on the floor. The pay phone was right outside the gates, and I heard the entire conversation. I knew daddy dearest so well, in fact, that I could fill in his lines from what I couldn't hear.

"No, Dad, its bullshit this time," I heard Emmett argue. "Come on, Dad. We got a few bottles of Bacardi and spray painted some shit of the side of some store." Slight pause. "You'd do that to your only sons? Your flesh and blood?"

Shit, this wasn't looking good.

"All right, see you in a few. Old Chuck's got his eye on us."

He was back in the cell in a minute, the receiver barely hung. "Dad's coming. He wanted to leave us here the night. You believe that shit, Edward?"

"He won't; too much of a mess. How would it look if we stayed overnight in prison?"

"Pretty bad, I'd say."

"Exactly. We just gotta sweat it out. Make it look like we're sorry like we usually do, man. We'll get a slap on the wrist as usual, and then lay low for a month or so. So what if we don't have trust funds when he drops dead? Who needs his fucking money?"

"Man," Emmett scoffed as he rolled down the sleeve of his off-white thermal and walked over to where I lay. "You do what you want, but I'm not as smart as you are. Colleges didn't take to me, remember? I'm gunna need the money when he kicks the bucket." Wiping the blood from my face with his sleeve, always my older brother, he sighed. "I'm thinking, Edward. Maybe we should let some of this go. It's getting us no where, fast. Maybe…it's not worth it anymore."

"What are you chickening out on me?"

"No, of course not. I'm having mad fun with this. But I'm just thinking. Maybe it's time I quit the games. I'm gunna be 20 years old, man. I'll settle down with Rose, you know. We've been steady for a few months so…"

"You're going to settle down and leave me by myself? Fuck you, Emmett!"

"It's not like that, Edward-"

"No, fuck you. It's exactly what it is. Don't talk to me."

"Edward…"

"I said shut the fuck up."

We didn't talk anymore. I couldn't believe this. My brother, my best friend was going soft on me, giving up the dynamic duo. We'd been screwing over this town, together since I was 13 and he was 15. We drove Carlisle's brand new Mercedes off the pier together that first day and I never looked back. We lived a hard life, and we lived it together, and now he was going soft—talking about getting married.

I was beyond betrayed. Furious and betrayed. Well, if he wanted to leave me like that, then fine. Who really needed him?

"So when's Bella moving in, Charlie?"

That piqued my attention. I think I actually stopped scowling, too.

"Tomorrow morning, Forge. She hasn't been here since she was ten, and now I'm finally getting my baby girl back home to stay."

It sounded like old Chuck had a daughter. Funny, I'd never heard of her. Hell, with Charlie as a father, I didn't want to know her. My type of girl was gorgeous, shapely and nameless. Hot as hell, we'd get a few beers, I'd fuck her good and we'd be done. I could only imagine what a nerd or a freak this girl was.

"That's great. I haven't seen her in forever. Say, how old is she now?"

"Bella? Hmm, she's 17. She'll be 18 in September."

Nice; she was my age. I still didn't want to know her, though I probably would. There was only one high school in this decrepit town, and I'd be sure to pick her out. Abuse the shit out of her if possible, just for revenge on old Chuck.

"Here's a picture."

A low whistle; "Wow, she's a beaut, Charlie. She's got your eyes."

"Yeah, but she's got a lot of Renee. Ah, we'll talk later. Here comes Dr. Cullen."

_Oh, fuck. _

Emmett and I exchanged a knowing glance, quickly straightening up. My heart was slamming in my rib cage. As fearless as I'd ever been in the face of any of my stupid stunts, I'd always feared my father. Always. He really had done nothing to deserve anything like me and yet I still kept it up. A twinge of remorse hitting me like a sack of bricks, my father was suddenly before the cell.

It was eleven o'clock on a Thursday night. He'd just come home from the hospital, his double shift, to get disappointment number five million, three hundred and seventy two from his screw up sons.

"Thank you, gentlemen. These are them, all right," he whispered, and I could see the hurt in his eyes as he looked down at us. The gate pulling backward, he hesitated before he stepped in, his blonde hair shining in the overhead light. He looked tired, sullen, as if he really couldn't put up with our games anymore.

His eyes finally meeting both of our ashamed ones, he launched his attack. "Well, what have you got to say, boys?" he breathed softly. "Hmm?" he asked, growing angrier. "What is it this time, boys?" he finally yelled, and I cringed back. My father never, ever yelled. Ever.

I was in shock. I didn't know what to say, what to do, and I was completely unprepared. All of my bravado gone, I was speechless, and I hung my head in shame.

"Nothing to say, right? That's always it, boys. You never can explain yourselves, can you? Time and time again you disgrace me, though I've done everything in my power to create a comfortable life for both of you. Well, you should be ashamed of yourselves, you ungrateful bastards. I'd be one hundred percent right, no, one hundred-fifty percent right if I left you here to rot and didn't bail you out!"

My eyes fearful, I felt them sting as I looked to him. He wouldn't, would he? Not when I had a soft bed, soft sheets, a hot shower; food, all at home. He'd never leave his flesh and blood like criminals on the dirty floor of a prison, would he?

"Oh, now you're worried, now that there's no guarantee of the comforts of home, right, Edward?"

Shit. He'd caught me.

"I'm –"

"No, Edward. Don't even think about it because it's a lie. You're not sorry. You'll be back to your next stunt in no time. And you, Emmett. You're his older brother, yet I find it hard to believe it wasn't you who pirated the three bottles of Bacardi." Emmett's head hung between his open legs from the bench he sat on, I his mirror, though mine hung against my chest; I was still handcuffed.

"Well, guess what, boys? This is the last straw. I mean it this time. I'm bailing you both out, but with the money from your accounts. You'll lose out. Do either of you two know how expensive the fines are? Minors consuming alcohol, trespassing, destruction of private property…five thousand dollars each!

"So what is it? I'm expected to pay? Absolutely not, boys. Absolutely not. I won't spend another dollar on either of you to bail you out. It's coming straight out of your accounts, just like the bail. And you still have to make a court appearance.

"You two pay for it, for all I care. No skin off my back. That money was for your futures, and since they mean so little to either of you, it's being blown here tonight. I don't care what happens to you anymore. Do you understand? I've had enough!"

Neither of us answered. We were in too much shock, still to afraid to move. "I asked if that was clear?" he shouted again.

"Yes, Dad. It's perfectly clear. I'm sorry. I'll do whatever it is. You have my word, Dad. I'm done with this," Emmett stood and stated, his head hanging low.

"You better be done, Emmett. Now go up front." His eyes focused on me, I could feel them burn my skin. I didn't look up. I wouldn't. I hated to give in, and I wouldn't do so easily now. "Edward?" he asked, though I only shifted my head away from his gaze.

My bronze hair falling into my eyes, it was Carlisle's hand that pulled it at the roots, yanking it upward so our eyes met; both cold, equally hate filled.

"I'm not putting up with this shit, Edward. Not anymore. I've had enough!" he yelled, his eyes livid. I brooded as I stared up, refusing still to give in. "Am I clear, Edward?"

My eyes narrowing to slits, I didn't agree, I only furrowed my anger. "Edward," he began, his voice low and hissing, "I swear to God in heaven, I'll make your life a living hell. You'll be begging for death should you not agree now. I'll strip you of every last little thing to your name, every last thing I've ever given you. You'll be sleeping on a blanket on the cold hard floor, and that'll be generosity. Am I clear now, Edward? Huh?"

He meant it this time. He was one hundred percent serious here. My father was ready to strip me of everything and leave me to die. It was a sheer miracle we'd gotten him to bail us out, or I'd be sleeping in piss tonight.

His grip tightening in my hair, he spat through pursed lips again, finality ringing clear. "Am I clear, Edward?"

Squeezing my eyes shut, I let go of everything I'd held onto for so long. "Yeah. You have my word."

* * *

Author's Note:

Hi everyone! I know this belongs in CH 1 but I forgot…so this is my latest fascination. I can't get over it and I put everything else on hold or it. Doucheward / Bella…that says it all….

I'm haunted by this story. VERY VERY LOOSELY based on Taylor Swift's "Love Story".

Read and Review!! I'll be updating this every week, or every other week!!!

Check me out over at Twilighted…Alyssa Cullen.

Be Safe!

Alyssa


	3. Chapter 2: Coming Home

A/N:

Here we are! Just as promised, a new chapter on Monday. Next week we may be delayed a little…I'm going through some doctor appointments and surgeons consultations and such so we won't have an update…what a mess…

ANYWAY. Here's CH 2. A little more into Edward. An please. If you read this, review this! I live off of reviews….its the criticism I need.

* * *

Chapter 2- Coming Home

EPOV

We pulled right into the driveway when we got home. The car ride home was silent, and who could have expected otherwise? My father had blown his top, completely flipped out on us; nothing we could have said or done could have relieved any tension.

It was almost one by the time we'd gotten home. Between entering Emmett and my new information and records into the central booking system and gotten our things together it was already close to twelve. Convincing Chief Swan that we'd stay out of trouble was another story.

He didn't want to hear anything about it, and it took my father a lot of his influence and good social standing to convince Charlie that he would be issuing the appropriate punishment for us. It seemed to work, considering he'd done a great deal for this town and Charlie had such a high opinion of him for all my father had done for this godforsaken crap hole.

Turning the key as the ignition clicked off, my father let out a deep sigh. His eyes intent on the garage door, not even looking at me in the passenger seat and Emmett in the back, his voice broke the silence. "Go straight to your rooms. I don't even want to look at you. And you had _better _not upset your mother." His voice was dead, flat as he spoke, opening the door and stepping out before another second had passed.

The slam of his car door in our faces made me cringe in my seat, my jaw line definitely bruised from where Swan had slammed my head against the wall. It would definitely look bad in the morning, and I definitely wouldn't be going to school. Not like it mattered, anyway.

"We really did it this time, Edward," Emmett softly spoke.

I scowled and threw open my door wordlessly. This was complete bullshit, and I wasn't dealing with the consequences. Not now, at least. I let myself into the house, Emmett not far behind me. Not wasting anytime by hesitating I bounded up the steps to my room.

My room was the only one on the third floor, and the largest by far. One of the benefits of being the youngest child.

It was my release, my haven from this family that I had grown to hate so much though I barely knew why I did or when it started. The door shut behind me, I reached back and stripped my t-shirt from my body. Dropping my jeans on the floor where I stood, I walked over to the bathroom to clean off the dried blood and to see just how bad Charlie had roughed me up.

Under the small high hats over my bathroom mirror I noticed it was just beginning to bruise. Concentrated on the left side of my jaw, the purplish bruise was just small, but against my pale skin it looked terrible. I groaned at my reflection, sick that my face was marred. It didn't bother me that much, though. The girls would still go crazy for me. If anything it would boost my numbers.

Yawning, I watched as my green eyes disappeared under my eyelids in my reflection, and slumping over to my bed, I collapsed. I needed my rest. I was too tired from dealing with all this crap, and considering my social life was significantly shot, I'd be spending a lot of time resting and hanging out around this dump. Not even bothering to put on my pajama pants, I fell into a sea of tangled sheets, my unmade bed, and slipped into a dead and peaceful sleep.

I didn't wake up until the next morning when my older sister decided it was appropriate to intrude.

The covers suddenly ripped from over my head, I groaned into the daylight and shivered against the cold air. I had, after all, slept in my underwear. Digging my face deeper into the pillow I reached back to try and grab the comforter but it was way out of my reach.

"I take it you're not coming to school today," Alice spat, and I could almost hear her roll her eyes.

My head swimming from the alcohol and my late night, I let my left limbs hang off the bed. "Hmm? No. What are you doing in here, anyway?"

"Uhm, seeing if you were coming to school? I guessed not. You had a really late night again, didn't you? Poor baby, you must be so tired."

"Go away…" I whined.

I was too hung over to deal with her. Cracking open one eye I glanced at Alice. She stood before me, in all her 4 feet and 10 inches, clenched fists settled on her hips. Her short black hair spiky and in every direction, her beautiful face was scowling. Her gray eyes stormy and dark, she glared at me, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of remorse. She was my sister, just a few months older than me. Though we should have been the closest, we couldn't have been more distant. I loved her, of course; she was my blood and there was nothing that could change that. But as I looked into her fiery eyes I didn't see the love from my childhood when we played dress-up and wedding. I saw my mother's steel gray eyes staring into me, burning a hole in my soul.

I had, after all, once again defiled my father's name and reputation. And in defiling the Cullen surname, I had also affected Alice, who very much liked her comfortable social standing. She was brilliant, a perfect 4.0 GPA index beside her name in roll books, but it often lost her numerable opportunities when one learned that her blood brothers were Emmett and Edward Cullen.

Like that time in Junior year when our school decided to send a group of the top students into Paris, France, to study art and architecture for Spring Break. And Alice, though she had perfect grades, was excluded because the week before I'd decided that it would be a fucking sick trip to drive the Mercedes Benz through the biology greenhouse.

She didn't talk to me for a month.

The worst had to be the time she was applying to that special program and had to have school administrators over the house. When she was talking to them, having polite tea alongside my parents in the family room, I trudged in with Tanya Denali wrapped around my waist and carried her up the stairs by her ass. And proceeded to have what might have been the loudest sex in the history of sex. On the floor of the wide open hallway of our mansion. Directly above where the interview was taking place.

That, was the best.

Sighing heavily, I rolled over, the heels of my hands pushed hard into my eye sockets. "_What_, Alice? What is it that you want from me?"

"Nothing. There is not one thing I could ever want from you, ever need from you. There is _nothing_ that you could ever be for me besides a piece of shit."

_Ouch; harsh. Oh well. _

"And you're in my room why?" My eyelids tight I glared right back at her. Her face softened a little, and for a second I actually thought she might cry. She looked hurt.

Shaking her head, Alice pursed her lips, her hands pulling at her black spikes, a Cullen family bad habit. "You don't stop, do you? Not ever. Dad looks like he'd going to have a stroke…and he's not getting any younger…"

"Yeah, I know. What else do you have to season the roast of a one Edward Anthony Cullen?"

"I'm just saying," her tone harsh, "that there's only so much either of them could take. I'm not burying one of my parents because of you."

"Oh, please," I whined dramatically, rolling over in bed to bury my head in my pillow. "They're not dying. They'll live forever, the two of 'em."

Alice snorted. "Live in that fantasy world. But you'll have to live with it if one of them has a stress related death."

As much as I'd hate to admit it, Alice hit home. If I lost either one of them, especially because of one of my stupid stunts, I might as well go and off myself. The guilt I'd have would be the worst, and everything would change. Definitely.

I started picturing Emmett and I working for our mother to make ends meet, or my father walking around the house, the light lost from his eyes while we scrounged for a meal without our mother.

I shook that thought before it could make any more damage, but not before Alice caught my hesitation.

"Yeah, Edward. I know you care. It's all right. I won't tell anyone that bad ass Edward Cullen has a soft spot for his parents. Whatever, Edward. Enjoy your day off from school. Jasper's going to pick me up, then drop me off at three."

I heard her footsteps as I made myself comfortable. I had barely closed my eyes when Alice spoke one last time, a reminder. Not even a reminder, really, but a warning, as if she'd seen what I was capable of and was trying to change the future.

"I know what you're planning. The whole school's talking about it. Mike Newton's party tomorrow night is supposed to be huge. Don't you dare, Edward. It will really be the end of everything if you do something stupid."

_Shit_.

I had forgotten about Shithead Newton's party. Looks like I had plans after all this weekend.

* * *

BPOV

"Nothing's changed much, you see. Your bed's still in the same place. Got you a new computer and some new stuff for the room."

I sighed, smiling, as I looked around my room. No, nothing had changed, just as my father had said. It was all in the exact same place, almost like my father kept it as a shrine to my memory. "It's perfect," I laughed. "Thanks, Dad."

"You sure, Bells? I mean, I gave Angela and Jessica some money yesterday. They went up to Port Angeles and bought the bedding set. I…didn't know what you'd like. The girls said you weren't too girly…"

"It's perfect, dad," I admitted, slipping over to hug him with one arm. "Really; stop worrying."

He sighed, and just looked at me. Really looked at me. Charlie was a handsome man. Tall, he had a lean build though he wasn't in the best of shape. My father was the Chief of Police here in Forks, and it had definitely affected his appearance. His black hair going somewhat gray around the edges, his moustache was still in tact. Tired and worn, he looked as if he was afraid I wouldn't like it here, as if I'd disappear in a moment's time.

"Dad, I'm fine. Really. Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome, Bella. The girls told me to have you call them. Said they'd be together today and wanted to come over and help you settle in…I could call if you want…"

This was just like Charlie. He wasn't the type to hover or deal with any emotional issues. Though I was fine, really and truly, he was still worried. I'd need someone to help me, anyway. I had packed everything to bring here so I'd be comfortable, what with college in the fall. The girls help wasn't looking that bad. Besides, I'd need to catch up with them. It was Friday morning, and I'd need to familiarize myself with them if I planned on having anyone to sit with on Monday for school. "Sure, dad. If you could call them, that'd be great. I'll need some help."

"No problem. They'll be here in no time. They even stayed out of school for this."

I sighed as Charlie left. I couldn't believe that two people, who I hadn't seen in years, still valued my friendship enough to skip school for the day and help me out. Pulling my carry-on luggage onto my bed, I began unpacking the small things, putting books on the shelves and setting aside my toiletry bag.

It wasn't long before they bounded up the stairs. I barely recognized them; the last time I'd seen them in the flesh was 8 years ago, and now, as Jessica flew in followed by Angela, they couldn't help the smiles on their faces as we crushed each other in a tight hug. It was nice to feel wanted.

"I can't believe you're really here!" Jessica squealed. She hadn't changed that much, which is why I'd been able to know it was her. She'd filled out nicely since she was 10, her long blonde hair falling below her shoulders. Her face was bright, and her eyes ever hazel. She stood about my height, her blue and black plaid bomber jacket striking against her fair features.

"We really have missed you, Bella. Like, so much," Angela crooned, and I could see the sincerity there. She had always been pure of heart, my Angela, and I could tell we'd only get closer. She was much taller now, thin, she was easily a few inches taller then me. Her hair was black, as black as night, her features thin and precise. Angela pulled off her camel colored jacket the same time Jessica did.

"Yeah, I can't believe it either. And, guys, really; it means a lot to me that after all these years you'd skip school to help me out."

"Oh, no problem!" Jessica crooned.

"Yeah, Bella, it's not easy. Especially this late in the semester. We figured you'd need a lot of help." Ah, Angela; I was liking her more and more. "So what do you think of your bedding?"

"Oh," I gasped, blushing and looking over it. It was a deep blue, sapphire I would say, with vintage black cut outs all around. "I love it. I'm sorry for not thanking you before." I really did like it.

"Don't sweat it, Bella. Come on; let's get you unpacked so we could take you out to lunch." Grabbing a box off the floor and ripping the tape off, Jessica continued. "Or dinner. You do have a lot of stuff…"

"Oh, guys, you don't have to do that, too."

"Bella…we're helping you and taking you out to dinner. That's final. Come on, it'll give us time to catch up," Angela convinced. Her arm thrown over my shoulders, she hugged me and kissed my cheek. "I really have missed you. We were always great friends."

I really tried not to cry, so I got to work on the boxes and things. It did take us a long time. We worked for hours before we'd even made a dent, chatting and laughing as we did. I learned that neither had a boyfriend, which put me at ease because neither did I, but both had their eye on someone. We had similar taste in music, though they much preferred shopping and were social girls. I was content to stay quiet, a typical wallflower, though I hoped secretly they'd help me settle my life here.

By the time we were done, really done with everything, the sun was so low in the sky it looked as if it would fall any second into darkness. The wall clock I'd since hung told me it was six o'clock, which was shocking, considering we'd been working since eleven this morning. All agreed we were positively starving; we all got ready for dinner.

"Guys, am I…dressed ok?" I bit my lip, a nervous habit, as I pulled on the hem of my shirt. I was wearing sneakers, my black converse with my favorite pair of faded jeans. A black tank top under a fitted red plaid button down shirt, my hair hung in loose waves on my shoulders.

"Yeah, Bella," Jessica exclaimed, "You're fine. No one really gets dressed up here. We'll take you to the place where we all hangout."

"Don't worry, Bella," Angela soothed, and I guessed she saw the panic in my face at 'where we all hang out'. "You'll be with us. We'll introduce you. You'll know everyone by Monday."

"You're right," I sighed, grabbing my wallet and bomber jacket. "Let's go!"

Packed into Jessica's white mercury, we pulled into the lot of what looked like a cabin, though I knew it was one of the local eateries. I'd come here hundreds of times with Charlie as a kid. I just had no idea it was the local hang out now.

The interior looked as it did outside, like a cabin, a rustic aura. A lot of wooden tables and green materials, we sat quickly at a table near the window. It was a large booth, circular and round, it could fit about 6 people. Sitting in the middle between the other girls, I questioned why we were sitting at such a large table.

"Oh, this is our usual table," Jessica chimed, Angela nodding in agreement. "It won't take long before everyone else comes."

"Everyone…else?" I gulped, wide eyed, as the headlights of a large, black suburban pulled into the lot, the driver honking this horn jovially.

"Yup," Jessica smiled, giggling and elbowing Angela as she laughed too. "There's Mike. Ooh and he brought Ben…" she sang, singsong.

I remembered these names; Angela liked Ben. And Jessica liked the popular one. Mike. Three boys, all quite attractive, were suddenly standing before the table. All three different in stature, they each had brilliant smiles. One boy, short and gangly, was of Asian descent. A Vans hat on his head, his brown hair fell into his eyes as he smiled at Angela. I figured out that he was Ben just from that. The other boy, tall and muscular, was darker in complexion, his strong features prominent. The last, who seemed to be the ringleader, was boyish. Blonde hair arranged in neat spikes with eyes as deep blue as the ocean, he was taller then Ben but shorter then the other. From the way Jessica fidgeted and he smiled at her, I knew he was Mike Newton.

"Is there any room for us, ladies?" Mike asked, intent on Jessica.

"Yeah," she giggled, giddy. "Of course, boys; sit down."

"Great," Mike grinned, sliding into the seat next to Jessica. His arm slung around her back, Ben and the unnamed individual slid onto Angela's side as they all smiled and chatted. Looking over to me, Mike jutted his chin. "Who's your friend, Jessie?"

She flushed red, embarrassed. "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry! Guys, this is Bella. She used to live here when she was little. She moved back to come to school here. Her dad's Chief Swan." The boys immediately straightened up their casual posture. I laughed as Jessica continued. "Bella, there on the end is Tyler Crowley, and next to Angela, Ben Cheney. This comedian here is Mike Newton."

"Pleasure," I blushed, thankful to be saved by the waitress. We all ordered quickly, burgers, fries and drinks. I blushed harder when they all insisted that my meal was covered, inwardly pleased that I'd made fast friends. It would certainly make life bearable on Monday.

I listened as they talked of school; of pranks and jokes and the upcoming summer and college. I laughed at some of their crazy stunts; Mike was quite the comedian. I was, however, taken back by Mike's sudden announcement. "So…you coming to the party tomorrow night?"

I swallowed hard, nervous, as Jessica looked down. "Uhm, I don't know, Mike. I feel kind of weird just leaving Bella like that."

"Yeah, Mike," Angela chimed in. "We'll skip, ok?"

"Guys…really," I began, though I just as may not have spoken at all.

Leaning his head into Jessica's, Mike whispered even though I could hear him. "Would it make you smile if Bella was invited, too?" A wide smile breaking over her face as she nodded, Mike grinned, turning his attention on me. "Bella, you're coming, right?"

"Who, me? Oh…don't worry about me…I couldn't…"

"Come on, Bella. Come! We'll all be there. You're our classmate as of Monday. Come on, we're all friends."

"Uhm…I don't know…"

"It's at Mike's house," the boy named Tyler spoke up. "I'll be there. I'll need somebody to hang out with," he winked.

I flushed, nodding, since I was backed into a corner. I hated social events, but maybe this party would help get me out of my shell. Tyler seemed decent enough.

"Great," Mike beamed, a full smile creeping across his cute face. "I've got a great guest list. The party starts at 7:30 p.m. And ladies, don't be late."

* * *

There we have it!

What do we think? And don't forget…REVIEW!!!

Be Safe,

Alyssa Cullen


	4. Chapter 3: I Hate These Stupid Parties

Author's Note:

So I'm sorry about the delay. I just had Dr. appointments and whatnot…turns out my foot is broken and I have a mess of stuff going on…

Anyways….Chapter 3…THE PARTY!!! Edward's going…Bella's going…you know what's going down! ;)

REMEMBER TO REVIEW AT THE END!!!!

* * *

Chapter 3- I Hate These Stupid Parties…

BPOV

One minute I was sitting there, quiet as a mouse making friends, and the next I was being dragged head first into a party that apparently had the entire senior year in attendance. Fantastic, considering that I would probably do a bang up job of embarrassing myself at the party. By Monday I'd be the laughing stock of the entire school.

This was turning out to be hell.

Saturday morning had pretty much flown by. I'd gotten up around eleven to get some finishing touches done on my room and have some breakfast. By the time I flipped my last pancake on the hot grill, Charlie had stumbled downstairs clad in his uniform.

"Smells great, Bells."

"Morning, Dad," I greeted him as I slid a short stack onto his plate. "Heading off to work?"

"Yup. Gotta be there by twelve. I'm working until late tonight, Bella. You'll be ok here by yourself?"

"Uhm, yeah. Dad…actually, I'm going out tonight. With the girls, that is."

Charlie looked shocked as I sat across from him. A smile spreading over his face, he dug right into his breakfast. "That's great, Honey. Where are you off to?"

"Just to a…party…at…Mike Newton's…"

"Mike Newton, huh? He's a great kid. Comes from a good family, too; mustn't be too big of an event if his parents are out of town…"

_Oh, no_.

I had just sold out my new friends to the Chief of Police. Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? I stuttered, blushing and trying to fix my mistake. "Dad, I, uh…"

"Now, now, Bella. Don't you worry," he laughed, standing up and pushing his plate away. Taking one last gulp of his coffee, Charlie cleared his throat. "I'm not going to go over there and close it down. He's a good kid. You need to get out and meet your new classmates. I trust he won't start up any trouble. Not like some _other _delinquents this town has to offer…"

"Thanks," I sighed, sinking lower into my chair, paying little to no mind of his stressing about 'other delinquents'. I really didn't care, either. I wasn't the girl who just up and hung out with bad kids; to be honest I wanted to disappear into the chair.

"You just have a good time, Bella. Don't be home too late."

"I won't. It starts at 7:30 so…"

"How does 12 sound for a curfew?"

"Uhm…" I was shocked. He was actually handling this going out to parties thing a lot better then I thought. I already had a midnight curfew, which should be reasonable considering this small town. "Sounds great, Dad. Perfect. Thanks."

He nodded and turned away, red-faced. Charlie wasn't one for emotions, and I took his reaction as understanding enough. "Don't mention it, Bells. You're a good kid. I trust you."

I straightened up the kitchen when Charlie left for work, and well into the time afterward. It was a shame the condition this house was left in. There were signs everywhere that it hadn't been cleaned properly since my mom left, and it hurt me to see how much it had really affected Charlie. All those summers I had been so young, so naïve, so blind to not see it. I felt like each time I sprayed and scrubbed and soaked and washed I was cleaning away the last and final remnants of my mom's touch, though I knew nothing would ever wear her presence away that thin.

It was three o'clock when Jessica called me, bringing me out from the fumes of bleach and glass cleaner.

"So…I'll pick you up at seven, then?"

"Uh, sure, Jess. I just…I have…curfew…" I stuttered as Jessica laughed.

"Yeah, we all do…it's 12. That's like, the standard curfew here."

"Oh," I sighed, relieved. "What do you…wear?"

"Oh my god," she gasped, and I could hear the scrambling on the other line as I put away the household cleaners I had been juggling. "You don't have an outfit picked out already?"

"No…"

"Bella, I'll be there in 15 minutes."

And true to her word, Jessica was there in 15 minutes. She'd made two runs back and forth to her house, and three hours, four dresses, a shower, make-up and a straightening iron later, it was six forty-five and Angela was on her way over to my house.

I turned back and forth a few times, staring hard at myself in the mirror. Jessica was right. The square neckline and cap sleeve of the cotton dress really did flatter my shoulders and bust, and the sapphire color and flouncy skirt of the dress made me look good. The black footless tights, their delicate lace trim tight around my calf, thinned me out and made me look just a bit taller then I really was. Flexing my foot and leaning forward into the dainty black ballet flat, the completion of the entire outfit Jess had leant me, I had to admit that I looked pretty. Not gorgeous, or hot, but…pretty.

It would do, for now.

The doorbell dragging me out of my admiration, I skipped down the steps to help Angela in. Her own dark hair wavy and held back with a barrette, Angela's pale pink sundress fit her height and shape perfectly. It reflected the type of person she was—pure and honest though attractive and fun.

"Ready, girls?" Jessica called out from behind. Her hair half pulled back with a claw clip, Jessica's makeup was bright and her dress loud. It was a strapless, tight-fitting and black, and it showed off every curve. Her long legs lengthened still by her wedge sandal, Jessica beamed as we gaped. Without a doubt, Jessica would be the most attractive girl there. "Yes, we're ready…let's go! We don't want to be late!"

It wasn't long before we got to Mike's house. He lived in a secluded part of town, clearly a wealthy area, and had a large house. Music pumping from stereos inside before we'd even parked in the driveway, it was obvious that the house was packed with people.

Following Jessica's confident strut through the throngs of people, greeting and waving to everyone with a big smile, it was clear to both Angela and myself that she was making a beeline straight for Mike. I was quickly drowning under waves of uneasiness. Here around me was the entirety of my classmates, and seeing as I was the only unfamiliar face, I would be easily recognized. I was suddenly concerned as to how I looked and what these people were thinking, though I'd never cared a day in my life before. Jessica was leading us through halls and under arches to what appeared to be the kitchen. And in finding our way to the kitchen and grabbing a red solo cup of soda, we unconsciously made it easier for the boys to find us in the sea of unfamiliar faces.

"Jessie…" Mike crooned, coming up from behind her to casually wrap his arm around her waist. "You made it, girl; and right on time."

Jessica's answering smile was positively beaming as she twisted her hips seductively to face Mike. "How could I have been late?"

"You're the best, Jess." I was standing alone, Angela off in the corner quietly talking with Ben, when Mike turned his attention to me. "Arizona!" he called, eyes alight and voice boisterous, calling me by my hometown rather then my name. "You made it! You look great! Make yourself at home…"

"Uh…thanks," I replied quietly. I was already alone, everyone having paired off and heading to the living room that, with all the furniture pushed against the walls, was the dance floor.

I hated these stupid parties; excuses to get drunk and act stupid. And here I was, stranded in a sea of blank faces that I might as well get used to because my friends had just left me flat.

Jessica, clearly not pleased with Mike's comments on my appearance quickly changed the subject. Lips pursed, she tried not to glare at Mike, though she slipped. "Oh my God, Mike; there's so many people here! How are you keeping track?"

"Honestly, Jessie, I have no idea how many people are here right now," Mike shrugged smugly. His face turning darker, he tightened his grip around Jess's waist from behind. "All I know is that I've got Tyler, Ben and all my boys making sure nothing goes wrong."

The glint in his eyes as he exchanged a glance with Jessica was protective and guarded, as if there was something they both dreaded.

Rolling my eyes and shrugging, I grabbed my cup off of the counter where I'd left it and glided out to the backyard.

* * *

EPOV

As much as I hated Mike Newton, I had to admit that the son of a bitch picked an awesome night for a party. The impending spring air crisp and warm around us, I knew it was the perfect night to be outdoors, which meant girls outside instead of in the house. Which meant privacy in the backyard. Which made it that much easier for me to get them in my car and gone for the night.

Which, all together, was the recipe for an amazing night.

My grip tight on the wheel, I finally pulled into the shithead's driveway. There were cars packed in every available space, and I could see Emmett's jeep parked with an open spot beside it. He leaned casually against the driver's side door, his girlfriend Rosalie tucked protectively under his arm.

Now, don't get me wrong. We Cullens knew how to dress. We had plenty of money and you bet your ass we always looked good, but there was something definitely wrong with Rosalie Hale.

Rosalie was my brother's girlfriend, a freshman in college. She'd lived in this shithole all her life, just like us, and she really hit it off with Emmett. They'd gone steady for a while now and trust me—it only made my life more miserable.

I hated the bitch. That may sound incredibly misogynistic, but if you knew her you'd agree with me. You see, with Rosalie every day was a fashion show. Every. Day. She dressed like she was clubbing to go to school, and to just come over our house to hang out and watch a movie she wore designer jeans, heeled boots and dressy shirts.

Like tonight. This was a perfect example. While the rest of us were in jeans and t-shirts, she looked like she could walk off a runway. A Victoria Secret runway, that is.

Seriously, people like Rosalie Hale had inferiority complexes.

But it wasn't even about the clothes. She was out and out rotten. The girl hated everyone, and I mean everyone. She thought nothing of turning her nose up at people who didn't dress like her or maybe weren't filthy rich like she was. This was a girl who had everything—everything the world had to offer—and still felt like it wasn't enough. Rosalie Hale was better then you and she would find a way to let you know it, but not without making you cry your eyes out first.

I stared at her in disgust, knowing that my brother defended her to the hilt. No one got between Emmett and his woman, though she could absolutely hold her own in a battle. Emmett's arm tight across her shoulders, Rose's long legs that peeked out of the mini red dress she wore that clung to her body contrasted heavily with the dark grain of Emmett's denim jeans. Her long blonde hair straightened and her make-up maniacally in place, Rose was already in bitch mode for the night, scowling as I walked up the drive and whispering harshly to…

Her half brother. And my sister, Alice.

Alice and Jasper had been dating for…well, forever. We were just kids when Jasper had moved in with Rose and her mom, and since he, Alice and I were in the same class, Jasper and I were pretty good friends. I'm really not joking; he's straight laced and shit and he gets straight A's but when you call him up to cover your ass he's down for it. He was the complete opposite of his half sister—and really, why wouldn't he be? I thanked God everyday that they had completely different gene pools.

Anyway, somewhere in like, what, seventh grade I noticed them making googly eyes at each other, and when he finally got the nerve to ask Alice out, she did what only Alice could do—tell you that she knew it was coming. It was something gay, like 'you've kept me waiting a long time,' or some shit like that. Whatever it was, they've been together for 5 years. And I can't really complain because I couldn't ask for a better guy for my sister. I still can't understand why he stood up for me all those times, calming me down and shit when the going got rough. To tell you the truth I couldn't figure out why either of them was here now.

"Oh!" I called out to them harshly, four heads turning at once. "What the fuck is this? Family reunion?"

"Yeah, Eddie," Emmett chortled. "Smile for the camera. Nice face," he snickered.

I let my fingers trace the light purple bruise under my eye, down my jawline. I fucking thanked God it didn't look as bad as it felt. I knew I wanted to fucking off Charlie for this, but there wasn't much I could do. "Fuck you, dick," I spat back. "What's everybody doing here?"

"What we're doing here, ass-"Alice started, though Jasper's tightened grip on her shoulder stopped her mid sentence. She immediately calmed, and shrunk under his arm. Jasper just had that effect on her. They complimented each other like that.

"What Alice is trying to say," Jasper interceded, his eyes large and apologetic, "is that we all thought it would be a nice night out. Together. It's just that…Edward, after recent events…"

I rolled my eyes at his bullshit, seeing through him and the rest of them instantly. These people couldn't lie to me. I knew them too well.

"Bullshit," Rose scowled. "We're here to make sure you don't screw up again. Because at least we'll be able to stop you if you try something stupid. You can bring yourself down all you want, Edward, but you're not bringing us down with you."

"What do you mean I'm 'not dragging the rest of you down with me'? I could understand Alice saying that, maybe even Jasper, but where do you fit in?"

"I fit in where Emmett fits in. And he's tired of your bullshit games. That's it, Edward. He's done."

I'd never lost more respect for my brother then in I did in that one minute. Sure, he'd told me he wanted out, but to have his bitch chew me out the way she did? Fuck that, man—Emmett was one hundred percent wrong.

Rose's gaze still strong on me and Emmett's eyes averted to the gravel drive, both Alice and Jasper looked away as well.

I felt like a giant piece of shit. Worse, I felt betrayed. This was my fucking family, and they were turning away from me. I had my sister who hated me, turning my best friend against me, and my brother letting his controlling beast of a girlfriend attach a leash to his balls. The best was that these were men—men controlled by their women. Men who had stuck by me, and I'd stuck by them when they needed me.

My head starting to spin, I nodded my head and looked toward the house, music blasting from every window. My eyes falling to the floor and then rising to greet three apologetic glances, I brushed the dirt off my shoulder and carried on.

"Well, I'm sorry that my being an asshole has affected you all so greatly. Don't worry. I won't drag you down again. None of you ever have to worry about associating with me ever again," I spat, pushing through them and heading toward the house.

"Hey! Oh! Edward! That's not what she meant, bro!" Emmett called after me. "Where are you going?"

"To get a drink. Or two. Or five. Fuck it, as many as I could get my hands on."

Just from seeing the cars outside, I figured there were a lot of people in the house, but once I was actually inside I was in shock. It was positively packed with people—literally everyone from our class.

Finally reaching the kitchen I cracked open a cold one and downed it straight from the can, not even bothering for a cup. Fishing around the ice bucket, I hooked my second one in the all of five minutes since I'd been there when a slim pair of arms wrapped around my waist. I felt slight pressure on my shoulder where someone leaned, and the overly sweet scent of perfume filling my nostrils, I cringed.

Tanya.

Tanya Denali was just a year older than me. She graduated last year and had gone off to college this past fall. She came home for a week or so every chance she got to screw with everyone only to go right back to school. When she was a senior and I was a junior I'd fucked her a couple of times, and it was that good that every time she came home I was the first one she came back to. But I was done with her. I'd had my fill, and once I was done with them I never went back. It was just what I did. She wasn't getting another turn.

"Mmm," she moaned against me. "Hi, Edward."

"Tanya," I turned around, leaning my back against the countertop and sending her flying back. She looked shocked for a minute, her blue eyes wide at first and then tightening coyly.

_Christ, she's going to try and fight for it._

"Didn't think I'd see you here…you were always bigger then these things…" she breathed, her fingers crawling up my chest as she leaned in. Her strawberry blonde hair spilling over her shoulders in loose curls, Tanya's eyes smoldered.

"I _am_ bigger then these things. I hate these stupid parties." I didn't feed into her. I knew feeding into her only led to really bad situations that led her on. Like situations that started with Tanya on her knees and ended with me going home with blue balls.

"Then why don't you and I get out of here and enjoy the…bigger things…" she crooned, and I grunted in disgust. She immediately stiffened and pushed away from me. "What, you're too good for me, Edward?"

"You really wanna hear the answer to that, Tanya?"

Her lips pushing into a thin line, she scowled. "Actually, Edward, I don't. What is this? Has your ego possibly gotten that big?"

"If you think my ego's big, Tanya, you should see my—oh, right. You did."

"A cub playing in the lion's den…whatever. I've had better," she laughed before turning away and out of the kitchen. I seriously didn't care.

"Yeah, Tanya," I called after her, and she turned and stopped where she was in the doorway. "You keep telling yourself that." She looked positively disgusted, and gave me the finger as she got lost in the sea of people. I laughed out loud, chuckled, really, downing my second beer. Cracking open my third of the night, I strutted out through the sliding French door to the backyard.

The warm spring air that had once made me hopeful and put me in a better mood earlier this evening suddenly had a chill to it. It was warm, but not as warm as I thought it was. Seriously, who was I kidding? This was Forks. It rained everyday; we were lucky if the temperatures went above 40 degrees.

I shuffled my feet across the pale white marble of the middle floor balcony. Just before me was the curve, that perfect white marble semicircle that overlooked the expanse of the garden. Below me was the lower garden's terrace, and below that the expanse of the pool where a couple was dangling their feet and making out.

"Amateurs," I sighed to myself, rolling my eyes and taking a slow swallow of beer. It was the darkest night out, definitely past twilight as the moon had risen. Full and beaming, I gazed up. So many things had gone so wrong in 24 hours. My father wanted to kill me, to put it lightly, and my family hated my guts. My sister assembled a babysitting squad so that I wouldn't screw up worse then I already had and my brother—my partner in crime—had turned his back on me.

And for the first time in my life, I was alone. Really and truly alone. Behind me there were close to 150 people, all who knew me by name. 150 people who joked with me at school and drank with me at parties. Behind me was close to every girl I'd ever slept with, and almost all of them were nameless, pointless and a waste of my time. But none of them meant anything to me at all. And for the first time, the hard-ass Edward Cullen swallowed his pride and realized just how bad he'd fucked everything up.

Single handedly.

What a feat.

Laughing to myself, refusing to let myself break down into the depression I only let slip through when I was _really_ alone, I chugged a little more of my beer and rested my forearms on the marble top. I flexed my wrists hanging over the edge to the melody of 'Heart Shaped Box' slowly fading from the speakers on either side of the garden.

And that's when I saw her.

* * *

AHHH cliffhanger…sorry! =)

Next week we get some answers! Meet me here Monday…same time, same place

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!

Be Safe,

Alyssa Cullen


	5. Chapter 4: Nameless Faces

Chapter 4- Nameless Faces

BPOV

I really had no idea where I was. About a half hour before I'd walked away from Jess and Mike and out onto the balcony only to find myself completely alone. It shouldn't have been that much of a shock to me, really. I knew no one, and I was too much of a wall flower to get out there and start talking to people.

There I stood, a complete waste of time, a pretty dress and make-up.

Sighing heavily, I walked down the steps on the right side of the balcony only to find myself on a smaller terrace directly below where I originally was. It was quieter, the blasting music a gentle background noise and certainly more secluded. Nestling myself into a stone bench under the hidden protection of expensively etched marble, I rested my chin on the hard heel of my hand.

I was completely and utterly bored, not to mention alone. I'd been here all of a half hour and was already ditched. Really, who had I been fooling? I had tried to fit in only to fail miserably again. No one wanted to know me. No one cared. I had only made a fool out of myself by showing my face here.

Emotionally undone, I swirled the soda in my cup, I watched as the bubbles came to the surface and broke. How simple, to be a bubble, to float around instead of have worries and concerns. To just be carried by the weight of the winds, to be broken with gentle pressure and feel nothing. Feeling nothing had to be better than this.

My foot bouncing to the final guitar chords of 'Heart Shaped Box', I sighed again as I stood, gliding slowly over to the terrace's edge to overlook the yard. A few kids had settled at the pools edge, dipping their feet into the cool water as they kissed tenderly. _How nice to be wanted_, I thought. _To be loved and adored by another_. I shook my head of the thought. I'd been reading way too many Jane Austen romances to have that sort of mentality.

The loud and eclectic guitar opening of the new song flooded the speaker right before the beat pumped, the familiar song coursing through my veins. It was a fairly popular song that I'd heard on the radio before though I couldn't put a name to it now. I shrugged it off. It wasn't really that important.

My elbows resting on the smooth marble, I leaned my chin into my palm again, humming the fading melody to myself as the wind blew. The jersey cotton of my dress fluttering in the wind, I noticed how much colder it felt. Funny; it didn't seem that way when I wasn't alone.

And suddenly, I wasn't alone anymore.

"Hello, Gorgeous," a gruff voice called from above and behind me. Its tone was almost smug, but I paid little attention because I was so startled. Spinning around, my fingertips gripped the marble balcony painfully, my heart slamming against my rib cage. I felt my mouth go dry and my head spin from the shock of it all, let alone the panic of having a partygoer confront me. And call me gorgeous. I _did_ catch that.

I was doing a good job of at least calming myself down. That is, until I looked up at my companion.

There, balancing on the balcony right above me, where I had just been moments before, was the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen in my entire life. A beer can clasped in his lanky hand crossed over the top on the flat marble, the bright white lights from the house glowed behind his silhouette, casting a sort of halo around his head. Topped with bright copper hair, the boy's full lips grinned crookedly, pulling his very linear features together sinfully.

"Hello," I managed to choke, my hand flying to my chest to still my uneven breathing. I didn't know what he wanted, or even if he was real he was so perfect, but I knew that I didn't want this delusion to end. "You startled me."

"Oops," he laughed loudly, shaking the beer can and dropping it to my lower level. A large amount splashed near me and I jumped to the side. "Shit. I didn't mean to pour my beer over you…Christ," he cursed, and then he was gone.

Which is why I was so startled when he suddenly materialized right behind me. I jumped out my skin and he laughed harder at me. "Sorry, Baby. Didn't mean to scare you there."

I was speechless gazing into his piercing green gaze. My heart was pounding from both the shock of it all and my surprising attraction to this boy.

"What? Don't you talk?"

"Yes," I forced. "Sorry. I'm just a little…I wasn't expecting anyone. I've been out here alone," I confessed.

The beautiful boy shrugged nonchalantly, as if he hadn't a care in the world before plopping down on the bench under the darkness of the upper terrace. His face sheathed in darkness it appeared almost demonic as my heart sputtered. It was so dark I almost missed the purple shadowing on his face, the markings of a bruise. My fingers itched to reach out, trace the offensive mark, but I controlled myself. Though it should have marred his face—perfect as it was—something about it made my stomach clench in anticipation of his answer. "What…what happened?"

_A fight? Perhaps he fell down the stairs…_

"What?" he asked crudely, confused and completely…nasty.

"You…your cheek. It's," I began, trailing off as I watched his fingers do what mine had longed to just moments before.

"Oh," he shrugged, nonchalantly. "It's nothing. A run in," he breathed, and from the way he said it I sensed the answer was final.

"What are you doin' out here all by yourself?" the boy spoke suddenly, taking the spotlight off himself. "Why aren't you drinking and socializing with the rest of the Motley Crew?"

"Oh," I sighed dejectedly, taking a seat beside him. I dared to steal a glance at him and regretted it. He was watching me intently and with my insides melting like this I was in for it. "I don't really know anyone here. My friends brought me with them as to not leave me home alone, and here I am. Alone."

"No you're not. I'm here. I'm with you."

I smiled. "Yes you are. And why are you out here all alone?"

"Because I fucking hate every douche bag behind me; every last mother fucker and slut in that house. Including my asshole brother, his cunt girlfriend and my bitch sister."

My God, what a mouthful! I could smell the beer strong on his breath; see the fire in his eyes as he spoke. He was without a doubt drunk. "Do you always speak like that? Like an animal with no class? My God…"

"What, you gotta problem with it? You too good to curse?"

"No, I never said that I was too good to curse, but you obviously lack class. Who talks like that? Was it necessary to speak that way to me? In front of a girl?"

"I'm sorry I offended you, your royal highness," he mocked, wagging his eyebrows. I grunted in disgust. "Hey, you really fucking mad about that?"

"Yes! And if you insist on cursing I'm going to walk away right now."

"By all means. Walk your fine ass right on out."

I stood up and strutted away in an instant before I tripped on a crack. He'd caught me, though we were still under the cover of the upper terrace. "Whoa," he breathed. "Easy there. Don't hurt yourself." It was the first time he'd spoken kindly without this mocking, condescending tone.

"I'll try," I sighed. "But I'm always falling."

"Well I caught you," he smiled crookedly and I thought my head would explode.

"This time," I challenged. The lyrics of 'Check yes, Juliet' were pounding the speakers in our moment of awkward silence, his strong arms wrapped around me. I blushed, and he let me go chuckling, whispering the words of the song to himself.

"Great song," he noted, and I agreed.

"Yeah. It's pretty popular with the radio stations."

And silence, but not awkward. It was comfortable, both of us ogling the other. He was so attractive, and I was wondering when he'd get bored and walk away.

"You're fucking hot," he commented, and I rolled my eyes in disgust.

"I'm leaving."

"No, don't. Don't go yet. I'm sorry. You're just…so beautiful."

I blushed scarlet. "You're not too bad yourself."

"There you are!" a voice above me shouted. Jessica was leaning over the balcony and waving at me. "Come on! We're leaving!"

"I'll be right up," I called, noticing that I wasn't as concealed as I had thought. "So, I'll see you around?"

"Oh yeah, Beautiful. You'll definitely be seeing more of me."

I nodded and smiled weakly. "Well, then, have a good night."

"Sweet dreams, angel."

"Uh, thanks. You too, uh," I answered unsurely, realizing I didn't know his name.

"EDWARD!" a loud, deep voice shouted. "Come on! We gotta get out of here! They're gunna close this shit down any minute. The cops are coming!" The boy's eyes widening, he dropped his can and flat out jumped the balcony landing in the shrubbery below. He hesitated below, looking up at me and winking.

"Goodnight, Juliet." And with that he sprinted through the side exit.

I swooned.

_Goodnight, greatly distorted Romeo_.

* * *

EPOV

"Hello, Gorgeous," I smugly rasped out in my sex voice. I felt my lips pull tight and crookedly across my face, my head bobbing as I inwardly laughed at her. She'd spun around in her shock nearly falling off her feet. Her small hands gripping the stone balcony behind her, she finally raised her face to meet mine.

_Oh, fuck me; she's gorgeous. _

The girl standing below me was pure sex on legs. Her small body wrapped in sapphire blue, I let my eyes glance over her curves; the swell of her breasts, the convex dip if her waist leading to her concave hips. Her heart shaped face framed in soft mahogany locks was still a mask of shock and nerves and I practically fell head first over the terrace and into the brown pools of her eyes.

"Hello," she gasped suddenly, her small hand against the white of her throat to calm her heavy breathing. "You just startled me."

'_You just startled me'_, I snickered internally. "Oops," I mocked, laughing at her. My body shook from the strength of my laughter, and I felt oddly uneasy. It was the first time I'd laughed—really laughed—in a long time. I spilled half my beer over her, I was paying so little attention, and the girl bounced to dodge the beer. "Shit," I cursed. "I didn't mean to pour my beer over you…Christ." I really didn't. I wanted to know who she was not drop shit over her.

_That dress looks pretty thin, though. Bet it'd look fuckhot wet…_

I grinned at the visual, pouncing down the steps two and three at a time. I was lithe, and it was easy for me. I was behind her before she'd ever spun around, murmuring to herself. She didn't even realize I was there until she caught me from the corner of her eye, jumping straight into the air. I chuckled at this stranger, this beautiful girl who was a nervous wreck. Her simple actions amused me so much that I began to think of things to do to make her jump and startle.

"Sorry, Baby. Didn't mean to scare you there."

She was still so off that she just gaped at me. Her mouth fluttering like a fish, her brown eyes met mine and I fell over into them.

What was it about this girl that I just had stare at her? From her chocolate brown eyes to her pouty lips good enough to eat...it wasn't like there wasn't anything else to look at. Newton had a nice garden.

_There you go Edward. Look at everything else._

_Those spiral trees are nice._

_Pool's pretty awesome too._

_He's got some rose bushes there…_

_Wait; why the fuck are you looking at trees? What, are you fucking gay, Edward? Look at her perfect tits pushing out of that dress_…

My initial attraction was lust; God, I'd wanted to run my hands over that perfect ass of hers, but now…I just couldn't explain it. Her silence was beginning to unnerve me. And that wasn't normal, considering I'd stunned girls into silence before. I didn't know why it bothered me now.

_You're fucking pussying out, homo. Man up. She's just a fucking girl._

Brushing off my internal debate I reached down—not very far—and channeled my inner asshole. "What? Don't you talk?"

"Yes," she choked, her cheeks tinting pink from her embarrassment. "Sorry. I'm just a little…I wasn't expecting anyone. I've been out here alone," she confessed quietly.

_Fucking loner,_ I thought before shrugging it off. Then again, who was I to judge? I was the one who was out here all alone, too. I took another swig of my beer before sitting on the bench across from her, just staring at her.

She was so affected by my presence she seemed to almost tremble before my eyes. Which did nothing good for her situation. I began to imagine her small frame quivering beneath me as I rocked her body, hard. I thought of how good it would feel to bite and suck on her pale neck, to leave my mark on her. I almost saw her face distorted with pleasure as she came apart in my arms, my eyes widening and lips turning sinfully as I gazed upon this decadent creature.

"What…what happened?" she asked sweetly, her stuttering voice low with trepidation, like she was scared to ask me. The problem was I had no fucking clue what she was talking about.

"_What?"_ I spat, my eyes scrunching in confusion as bumbler over here, who couldn't say a god dammed thing without stuttering, stared wide eyed at me.

"You…your cheek. It's…" she started, guardedly as my fingers ran over the bruised flesh for the millionth time that day.

_Oh…that._

"Oh, it's nothing," I shrugged it off, because I wasn't so fucked up to let a perfectly innocent party in on my shit with the town cocksucker. I mean, Chief of Police. No matter how much I wanted to bust his fucking head in at the moment. "A run in…" I breathed in a mumble, imagining Chucky's face as I thrashed it repeatedly.

"What are you doin' out here all by yourself?" I asked to rid me of my fantasies, because as much as I wanted to kill Charlie, I wanted more to just have my way with this one. My pants were getting tight and she didn't seem to want sex on the here and now. She just wasn't the type. Those girls I could read easy enough; flamboyantly affectionate, touching my arm, my leg as we talked, giggling like a giddy schoolgirl, those were the easy ones. They'd laugh until you took the bait, and once that first hot kiss was planted on their lips you'd know what you were getting. Well, I knew, because I always gave as good as I got. If anything I gave better.

But this one, nothing. I had to get my mind off it, because the straining in my pants—an after effect of the alcohol and her presence—was only going to be loosened by my own hands tonight.

_Maybe not. You can't know that for sure._

_I'd bet her hands would feel fucking fantastic jerking my junk off…_

_Fuck, why does it have to be her? She probably wouldn't even know how. There's at least twenty behind you that'd love to take care of that problem for you._

_Yeah, but I bet she'd do it good…_

_What?_

"Why aren't you drinking and socializing with the rest of the Motley Crew?" I broke from my internal monologue.

"Oh," she sighed and came over to sit beside me. Her body plopped down dejectedly and I was hit full force by her scent. She smelled warm, like the sun, and sweet; like strawberries and freesia. I allowed myself to watch her, take in each of her innocent movements that were turning me on.

But as hot as this girl was making me there was something so innocent about her that I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. Anyone could see the pain in her eyes, the downward frown pulling at her lips. She was here, and she was definitely not happy. And something, somewhere in me pulled. I didn't want her to not be happy. I wanted to see what her smile was like.

_Whoa…now we have a problem._

_Did you seriously just fucking wish she would smile?_

My stomach was in positive knots now. This…this was uncharted territory for me, this wanting to be around a girl. I tried to think back, painfully through the haze of the alcohol I'd consumed, wondering how much I'd really had.

_Dude…two? Three? God, who the fuck knows._

_Wait, did I get this shit from a can or from the keg?_

_I had to have gotten it from a keg, and this shit has to be spiked. I must be starting to trip…seeing her smile and shit…_

_Let's see…I walked in and grabbed one…don't remember a cup…_

"I don't really know anyone here," she started.

_Maybe a second, and then I saw Lauren? No, no Tanya; I definitely saw Tanya. _

_You drank 'em pretty fast. You're fucking shitfaced, bro…_

"My friends brought me with them as to not leave me home alone and here I am. Alone."

_Alone._ That broke my train of thought. Some asshole had brought this beautiful specimen here and abandoned her. I couldn't imagine who wouldn't want this girl with them. Fuck, I'd practically jumped over the balcony to get a better look at her, and whoever she called "friends" left her alone to the wolves?

_Yo, fucker! You're the biggest thing she should fear!_

_Ha. Ha ha. Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?_

_No one. You're a fucking joke._

_Hmm, no this one looks simple enough._

But still…the sadness in her eyes burned my stomach. It infuriated me. "No you're not," I argued acidly. "_I'm _here. I'm with you."

And then she smiled. I mean, really smiled. Her whole face lit up, that beaming, the light I'd longed to see erupted through her every pore. Her plump, pink lips bared every pearly white tooth and it was like all the goodness in the world came right through her. I felt warmth seeping through me, my heart thudding hard in my chest.

And the whole world collapsed.

_Oh my fucking God. _

_Dude, what just fucking happened?_

Everything I knew about life, every last little particle of everything I had ever believed in combusted in that one moment.

My hand clasping the beer in my hand started to slip, my palms were so sweaty, and I felt my lips pull up into a half smile. My heart, normally unfeeling—except for when I was pounding pussy and it was racing—stopped before slamming against my ribs painfully. I felt this rush, this adrenaline that I hadn't really felt before from just a conversation.

_You like her._

_Oh, man, you're screwed._

_No…no, no, no. _

_No, that's right. Keep living your life alone, keep sleeping with everyone and doing whatever you want. Never settle with someone decent. What a fine road to take in life._

_Since when do you care about taking a higher road in life?_

_I don't like her._

_Sure you don't._

_I don't. I just haven't gotten laid in a while. Two weeks is a long time to beat it without a girl being involved. You just miss warm, wet, pussy._

_I'm horny as fuck and she's hot. And I'm a little drunk, but that's beside the point. She's a tease._

I looked at women as instruments for my own pleasure, things that I could use for myself knowing they'd get something out of it, too. I'd never looked at a girl for more worth than what she could offer me, and even then never for more than a day. I never got to know any of them and I sure as hell didn't want to make them smile. I wanted to make them scream as loud as they could, get off as soon as possible so I could start all over again and move on to the next girl.

I was the guy who fought against the system, the guy who hated his parents and got in trouble for fun. I was the guy who did what he wanted, when he wanted, and dared someone to tell him not to. I was Edward _fucking_ Cullen, man whore extraordinaire; a hard ass.

But right now as I stared at her, I'd never been more scared, more paralyzed by fear in my entire life, let alone furious. Who was this girl, this beautiful, nervous girl who came to test my will? It was as if I knew she was innocent, down in my very core. I knew she was just different. She was _good,_ and I wasn't, but I wanted nothing more than to be good for her right now.

And that's what scared the shit out of me.

So I did the only thing I knew how to do.

I treated her just like every girl I ever met.

"And why are you out here all alone?" she asked sweetly; purely.

_Pure. Innocent. The opposite of what you are._

"Because I fucking hate every douche bag behind me, every last mother fucker and slut in that house. Including my asshole brother, his cunt girlfriend and my bitch sister."

I could see the shock in her eyes, the fury, the hurt, but I didn't care. This thing I felt when I talked to her had to end. She was like a witch casting a spell over me, bewitching me with her beauty. So I pushed her away, showed her who I was, what I was really like so she would stay far, far away from me.

See, I'm real that way, because I've always been smart enough to know what I was. I was a disaster—the youngest son of filthy rich parents, passed to babysitters and nannies while Mom and Dad went out to be first class surgeons and decorate more aristocratic bastard's homes. The only time we were "summoned" was to be dressed nice at social events.

Let me give you some parental advice. Throwing expensive things at your kids doesn't change a damn thing if you're the world's worst fucking parents.

**And this one—all smiley and warm and fuzzy and happy, probably going home to her fucking litter of fuzzy kittens all over her house—she was as brain-dead as they came. She just stood there smiling with that strange light behind her eyes like dawn had just broken for the first time; like I was the best thing to happen to her. Better yet, it was like there was a golden aura of trust glowing around her.**

**Trust in me.**

**Trust that wasn't warranted.**

**She was living in a fantasy world where everything was nice and pleasant and easy; where parents took an effort to actually know their children, those children in turn being good because they owed their parents something back for unconditional love and other shit. **

I didn't know anything about that life.

I came from things that were dark and lonely. I came from a family that was already big enough when I'd arrived, making it just too big. I'd lived my life as the Cullen family black sheep.

**And once again I was reminded, just from being in her presence, just how much better of a person she was than me.**

_She has no idea what it's like. She doesn't know that pain; you can't read it in her eyes._

My thoughts reverted back to my friends and my siblings, all holed up in that house to try and babysit me. How my own brother and sister didn't want to be around me, their respective mates urging them away from me.

_They're walking away so you can't hurt them anymore._

_You ruined yourself and you dragged them right with you. _

_Go away. Please. Don't let me drag you down with me, too._

She snapped at me, chastising me for my foul mouth.

_Oh, the little princess doesn't like cursing. _

"I'm sorry I offended you, your royal highness," I spat sarcastically. But then she made this terrible disgusted sound. It kinda upset me, and her uneasiness pulled on that same strange part of me. It was like I actually had a fucking conscience. "Hey," I called softly for her attention. "You really fucking mad about that?"

"Yes! And if you insist on cursing I'm going to walk away right now."

"By all means. Walk your fine ass right on out."

She didn't waste any time getting up and turning away from me. It suited me fine, though I was pretty pissed off. Who was she? The fucking Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth, or whoever it is that ruled England? She was gunna have a hard time in this life if she had a problem with foul language.

It didn't stop me from falling under her witchcraft, hypnotized by the angered sway of her hips. The rocking to and fro combined with the small hitch made me ache. It was in staring at her so intently that I watched, as if in slow motion, as she stumbled over a raised crack.

So it sure as hell surprised the shit outta me when I realized I had jumped up and pulled her in my arms just before she fell.

My arms immediately clasped her thin waist, and her overwhelming presence stole my breath. My heart was pounding in my chest, harder then before, my muscles tense while I readjusted to the way she was arranged in my arms. Her small hands pressed against my chest, her wide eyes stared pure shock into my own, equally surprised.

I wasn't surprised because she was drop dead gorgeous and in my arms. I was surprised that I'd done something…chivalrous…toward a girl.

"Whoa," I gasped, her face inches from mine. I was speechless, stunned by her scent, heady and intoxicating. We were completely wrapped around the other, her hands digging into my t-shirt. My body instantly reacted, my hardened length pushing into the soft curves of her stomach. I felt myself harden further, wishing I were shorter to I could grind it against her heat. "Easy there. Don't hurt yourself," I forced, and the huskiness of my voice was frightening.

_No…no this is too much…_

She was panting hard, her cheeks flushing a brilliant pink and my head spun.

_Oh dear God… _

I couldn't stand it, couldn't understand what about this simple girl had gotten me to this point, fucking catching her and wanting to stroke her cheek and shit…

_You so did not say you wanted to stroke her cheek._

_You fucking homo._

_Get away from her. Now. This girl is dangerous._

We both pushed away at the same moment, awkwardly looking away from the other, my hand covering my mouth. I was shaking, fucking _shaking _from the sheer impact of her being around me.

Something was wrong, so wrong, and never, ever had I felt more scared. Ten minutes ago was nothing, _nothing_ compared to right now, where I wanted to crash my lips against hirs just to feel her pouty softness against my own, to feel her tongue…

_No, Edward…_

_Run baby, run_

_Don't ever look back_

_They'll tear us apart ib we give them the chance…_

I bobbed my head witd the music, fee`ing the queasinass subside just(a little, becau{e the silence wes just not as awkward as I thought it was. I was comfortable. And I really just wanted her back in my arms.

_NO! What the fuck, Edward?_

_Shit. I need to fix this. _

"You're fucking hot."

"I'm leaving."

_Good. Go far, far away from me. _

But that wasn't what I really wanted and I knew it. Just because she made me feel—I don't fucking know how she made me feel—like, not me. I wanted to do fucking gay things, like kiss her instead of hook up and touch her cheek to see how soft it was.

Her walking away, every step she took away from me felt like she was pulling me with her, like the loneliness I'd felt was taking over completely. "No, don't," I'd called out before I realized I'd even spoken. "Don't go yet."

She turned the tiniest bit, and I was swallowed completely by melted chocolate brown eyes. She had to be the most dangerous creature, because with so little effort she forced me to lose all control of myself.

"I'm sorry. You're just…so beautiful."

_Game over. _

_Dudeeeeee._

"There you are!" a voice above us shouted, and I recognized that tramp, Jessica immediately. She had crushed on me for a long time until she finally gave up and went for that white bread fuck Newton. They deserved each other.

"Come on!" she waved frantically; "we're leaving!"

"I'll be right up," my Delilah shouted. "So, I'll see you around?"

"Oh yeah, beautiful. You'll definitely be seeing more of me." There were only so many people in this shit town, and if she was here for good then she'd see me every day.

But then she'd hear about my reputation.

The knot was back in my stomach.

"Well, then, have a good night."

"Sweet dreams, angel."

"Uh, thanks. You too, uh…" The blush deep in her cheeks again, my chest tightened. She didn't even know my name.

_Fuck. I don't know hers…_

"EDWARD!" Emmett called, loudly and surely. I rolled my eyes because that bastard just had a knack for perfect timing. The rustling in the bushes got louder and louder until it was right beside me. "Come on! We gotta get out of here! They're gunna close this shit down any minute. The cops are coming!"

_Oh, fuck._

I felt my eyes widen to the point of pain, and my heart stopped in my chest. That wasn't what I needed, not again. I felt my cup fall from my hand, saw from the corner of my eye as it rolled past Gorgeous' feet. I didn't need to be caught here, clearly intoxicated, because ole' fucking Chuck would just _love_ to say I'd supplied the fucking party with the booze.

That bastard would destroy my life.

I was hauling my ass over that fucking terrace before you could say _misdemeanor_, my Chuck Taylor's landing with a soft thud in the grass. I saw Emmett to my left, square and large and waving his hands, annoyed that I wasn't moving faster. He was huffing and puffing, and I nodded to him quick and fast to tell him I was coming. I just needed to do something first.

I looked up, struck by her awe of me. She leaned over the edge of the marble, concern written on her features, her bottom lip firmly between her teeth. The soft yellow light behind her casting a sort of halo behind her head, I smiled and winked at her.

An angel, for sure.

"Goodnight, Juliet," I called to her, that Check…whatever song replaying in my head and I bolted the fuck out of that place.

The cool air whipping against my face felt fresh, new, and I couldn't help the smile on my face as my messy bronze hair flew around me. I was down the driveway instantly, my worried baby sitters fit to be tied by now.

"Finally," Emmett bellowed. "Where the fuck have you been? I've been looking all over for you. Alice heard someone complain about all this noise. She feels like they called the cops."

"All right, all right. Don't get your panties up in a bunch. I'm here, asswipe. Let's get out already. My car's right there."

"No," Alice chimed, her face aging years. "You're drunk. Please, Edward, let me drive. I can't let you take the keys and go. I don't know what I'd do if you…" Her eyes were glassy, wide and pleading. Everything in me threatened to fight back—I'd been known to fight harder when I was drunk—but I did feel the heaviness of the alcohol paired with the warmth of the girl I'd just met.

"Jesus Christ, Edward, make a fucking decision!" Rose yelled from Emmett's passenger seat. I hadn't even seen them get into the car. They were practically backed out of the driveway by now, Emmett leaning over Rose expectantly.

"Please," Alice begged once more, Jasper's black Mercedes Benz running and waiting to follow us home. "Edward, I can hear the sirens. They'll pull you over. You're going to be put away for good this time."

"Yeah. All right. Whatever, Alice," I consented quietly, fishing my keys out and placing them in her waiting hand. "I'm parked behind Stanley."

We were just a fast moving crew. Emmett and Jasper's backlights were blurry red spots in the far distance by the time Alice and I were speeding home. Everything was blurry, fuzzy around me and my head was swimming with the alcohol. I leaned my head against the cool glass of the passenger side window.

When I closed my eyes she was there.

Laughing. Smiling. Those sparkling brown eyes filled with sadness and pleasure. The inward curve of her waist and the smooth skin of her features.

_Fuck me…she's ingrained in my head_.

_At least she's fucking hot._

_Not. For. You._

"So where were you tonight?" Alice's voice cut through my memory, and the fog was back. Odd; I could remember _her_ perfectly but I couldn't focus right now. "What were you doing? Emmett said he couldn't find you inside."

"I was out back," I cleared my throat, couching once. "It was too fucking much…couldn't stand it anymore."

"Hmph."

"What?" I acidly spat. I was not in the fucking mood, what with all my head in a jumble, and not from being drunk.

"Who were you with tonight? What other girl can I add to the growing list of Edward Cullen's conquests?" The edge in Alice's voice was sharp, a double edged sword, and I didn't like it. I hated the fucking superior bitch attitude I got from her because she fucking knew she was better than me. I'd dealt with it, handled it on my own, but I was so off guard that I flipped a shit on her.

"What conquests? What girl? I didn't do _anything_!"

"Yeah, well your story is pretty shady if you ask me. No one could find you, you didn't answer your cell…if we weren't there you'd have gotten caught. Look at you! You're drunk. You have _no_ idea what you did tonight…how well I know you…"

"I know exactly what I did tonight!" I yelled back. Her small frame didn't even flinch. "You say you know me so well? Then how come you don't know that when I get laid I'm in a better mood than I am now? How come you don't know that afterwards I'm satisfied as shit?"

She didn't respond. The alcohol made her look kind of blurred here and there. She was just silent.

"I was missing; whatever the fuck you wanna call it, for all of a half hour. I don't know about Jazz but I last a hell of a lot longer than that." She made a disgusted sound, turning into our long drive. "So don't tell me what I fucking did and didn't do, Allie. Don't. Because you don't know _anything_."

"I know that something is different about you. I know that I'm fucking scared shitless about you because you're an obnoxious drunk. I know that you're loud and you have random hookups and have crazy sex with anything with legs, and we have to pry you out of these things.

"And that's not how you are right now. You're not talking. You're fucking lethargic, Edward!" she yelled, parking my Volvo in the same spot I religiously left it in. "I know there's a lot of shit going on with you right now. You're on this downward spiral, but if you're depressed…if…if you're just thinking about, about giving up…"

And just like that her tears fell, breaking through the haze just a little bit. It sobered me, made me realize just how much I'd affected her. She shook, as if shivering, covering her face with both of her hands and leaning into the steering wheel.

_Dude—your sister thinks you wanna fucking off yourself. _

_You're a piece of shit. Tell her you're ok. Just fucking tell her where you were._

"Allie," I patted her shoulder, twisting so that my back was against the passenger side door. "Allie I'm fine. I'm not trying to…hurt myself, if that's what you—"

"We fucking worry about you, you know!" her red rimmed eyes bore into mine. "I can't with you…"

"I wasn't depressed and I wasn't hurting myself. I was…"

How did I explain this? How could I tell her that I'd met this positively gorgeous girl, who was funny and smart and made me feel fucking off? How could I tell her about something I couldn't articulate or even understand myself?

She waited, baited and expectant.

"I was with a…girl."

Alice laughed, coarsely and annoyed. "You were with a girl?" she twisted in her seat to face me. "So I was right. Edward, you—"

"No! Yes! I mean, Godammit…I was with her but I wasn't _with_ her. Do you know what I mean?"

"No. You only know how to be_ with_ girls when they're on their backs."

"Actually," I cracked a smile, "there's a hell of a lot more ways than plain old missionary. I'm gunna have to talk to Jazz about that…"

"Asshole," Alice grunted. "So what are you saying? You were just…hanging out. With a girl."

"Uh," I started, confused. I couldn't really say I was hanging out with her. More like we were both being lonely, together.

But _I_ wasn't lonely. I was in her presence and I felt _whole._ Better. I wanted to be there; back with her while on the other hand I hoped she'd stay as far from me as she could. I had no idea of what to do with her.

"I don't even know her name, if that's what you wanna know." She scowled. "I don't know. I was having a few beers. She was alone and I was alone. Someone…ditched her. We were just talking."

Alice remained controlled. "Was she attractive?"

"Hot as fuck," I crooned, closing my eyes as I sat back against the headrest.

And just like before, she was there.

Standing like an angel, concern all over her face with that yellow glow of light behind her head, she leaned over the balcony with her lip between her teeth. Her huge brown eyes all over me, watching as I threw myself over the balcony were glistening. I could see her cleavage in the tightly wrapped dress, practically spilling out; _almost _feel the warmth of her in my arms…

I could _definitely_ feel my arousal from the mental picture my mind created.

"Oh my God! You fucking pig!" Alice shrieked. "'You're getting a hard-on in front of me! Ew, you son of a bitch!"

I ignored her, getting out of the car and slamming the door. I was staggering up the stairs as Emmett pulled in, thank fucking God without Rose, and walked straight into the house. My room was right there, right up those two flights of steps, and I briskly ran up them to slam the door behind me.

I kicked off my sneakers and stripped my shirt off to throw somewhere, realizing for the first time how desolate, dark and deathly quiet my room was. Originally that was why I picked this room. Normally it was the reason why I loved it. But as I sat on the edge of my bed, I wasn't alone. I could hear her laughter echo in my head, shooting pangs to my heart. I could feel her light around me in the way the moon cut through the curtain half covering my window, silver slashes on my pale skin. I could feel her breath tickling neck from catching her before she fell.

_Too soft. Too gay. Not you._

_Go away. Don't follow me. Don't haunt me._

She had to leave me, because this following me shit wasn't something I could handle. I couldn't have that, couldn't have myself seeing her, imagining her every time I closed my fucking eyes. I groaned, laying back and pinching the bridge of my nose. Eyes shut tight, I saw those flashing colors you see when you close your eyes, color against darkness. And then her face, again. My manhood ached painfully now.

_Fuck me._

Unbuckling my belt I slid my pants off, landing with a soft thud on the floor and buried my hands into my boxers. My rigid length gripped tight in my hand, I began exactly what I had to do to erase her from my memory—just what I did with every other girl. The sexual gratification, pleasuring myself with them, always brought finality. It was over. Sex was the means to my end—always and in every way.

I saw her lip between her teeth, her imploring eyes wide as cascades of mahogany brown fell in waves around her heart shaped face. I pictured the blush, that pink tint she wore and her softness around me, and I came hard, violently, into my hand.

Grunting, I took care of business to clean up my mess, collapsing face forward in the bed, at ease because this ordeal was over.

When I opened my eyes Sunday morning the only thing I could recall from my dreams was her face.

_Fuck my life._


	6. Chapter 5: Day 1: Cafeteria

A/N:

Hello readers! Thanks for coming back for another week of LS. And thanks to my lovely reviewers! I read and appreciate all of them =)

Updates are going to be as often as possible, and I'm gearing toward every other week…like…Sunday night, Monday morning…latest Tuesday night kind of deal.

Last time, they met (yayayay!) Now…teenagers have to go to school, right? What could POSSIBLY happen there… ;-)

Enjoy, and PLEASE REVIEW!!!!

* * *

Chapter 5- Day 1: Cafeteria

EPOV

By the time Monday came around I was just about ready to fucking smash my head against a wall. The weekend crawled, the girl from Friday night shifting around my fucking head like acid pulling through the crevices of my brain; burning and searing her image there.

And I tried. I really, fucking did. Emmett and I watched porn. I played _God of War_ on my Playstation 2. But it was like every time I tried to ignore her and push her away she snuck up on me. From the base of my brain up the backside, over the top until she sat at my forehead, like she had always been there, tormenting me. I had dark circles under my eyes and I'm pretty sure I was a fucking neurotic, like those basket cases in a padded, white room; but in reality I was just worried because the anticipation was killing me. I didn't know where she was going to come back next; would she be there beside me, her fucking scent in my shower when I tried to clean myself but smelled her strawberry shampoo? Or would I feel her weight against my arm, casually leaning into my right side when I played video games. The truth was I was haunted by the ghost of someone I'd only met once—and would most likely never see again.

But I was a master at holding back what I felt. I had a poker face all of Sunday, never letting on to Alice, who'd burned me with her questioning, or Emmett, who'd have my balls in his hands in a second. I barely saw my parents, who didn't even want to look at me as I passed them in and out of rooms as they made amends with _Shit-For-Brains_, my asshole brother.

I went through the motions. I ate when I was hungry. I stayed away from everyone at all times. I kept to myself, did some homework, played some _Cure_ and went to bed.

Only I didn't sleep. I kept seeing _her_—in my mind, that perfectly curved body with the doe eyes; the hair around the pink blush. I jerked off twice to her on Sunday night—three times more than for any girl I'd tried to cleanse myself of—until I thought she'd finally faded from the inner workings of my mind.

Of course, she didn't.

My room, which I had always favored because it was dead quiet and away from everything, wasn't even mine anymore. When I would lie down to sleep—or try to fucking sleep, because even that wasn't possible anymore—I would dream of her.

I would dream that we were still at Newton's house, on the same godforsaken balcony where I'd contracted this incurable disease, only this time the rest of the world wasn't a witness. No one was there, just me and _her_. The fact that I still didn't know her name made my skin crawl in an irritatingly strange way, and even in my dream I could feel the desire to know it. She would stand there, leaning like the lioness she was, against the columned balcony—wearing that same fucking blue dress—with the little ends flying in the wind and grazing the pale, smoothness of her thighs; the only place my hands belonged. Smiling that same innocent smile, showing the world she didn't have a fucking clue as to what she was doing to me.

My hands would clench and unclench as I watched like a predator, my chest heaving from the exhilaration of the hunt, the pounding in my chest as my heart produced enough blood flow to meet both of my needs; only it couldn't ever sate the tightening in my groin. My mind would spin soundlessly as I stood—staring, watching—thinking up the best strategy for our physical ecstasy, but she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and blushed. Her brown eyes, dark and warm, swept through me, sinking in to find the darkness of my soul, somewhere deep. I didn't even think it existed, enticing it with her laughter until she completely pulled it out of its depths, owning it completely. I staggered, and she breathed lowly, a soft whisper; 'Edward.'

There was nothing more I could fucking do, because in that second I'd lost everything. She'd never spoken my name—I doubted she knew it in reality—but she'd fucking said it there in my mind and my entire world collapsed with her angel's voice barely breathing a few fucking syllables.

I'd pounced on her, my hands grabbing her thighs roughly and sliding up the smooth perfection until I'd torn what was underneath. Her heart shaped face flushed pink, those devil's eyes just closed with pleasure as her head fell back. The tips of her wispy curls grazing my hands on her, she whimpered, and my cock throbbed painfully as I undid my jeans.

'Edward,' she moaned again, and her eyes did that same fucking thing as before, looking into me and robbing me of everything I'd ever owned. Her small hands fisting my t-shirt, she opened her legs to fit my leonine frame. Lifting her to sit on the ledge I sunk into her, hard and fast, letting the heat and warmth and tightness of it drown me. I pounded, thrusted as she bounced, grunting hard at her innocent sounds. Her haunting eyes closed in concentration, her little mouth in a perfect 'O', they suddenly opened to stare into my own, still wide and in fucking shock of the things she made me feel; and penetrating and dark and staring into me, I lost it. I'd come hard inside of her.

I sat bolt upright in my bed, panting and sweating. Gasping for air, I laughed, shaking my head as I let my lean hands swipe over my face, hard, another attempt to erase her, unsuccessfully. I sensed her, as if she were here, still felt my skin tingle from the aftershock of my orgasm, felt her weight against my chest, her moisture on my dick, until I realized quickly enough that what had woken me up was my wet dream.

Like I was fucking thirteen all over again. Fuck, when I _was _thirteen this didn't happen. Wet dreams happened to guys that couldn't get any, so they had to imagine and dream it up. When I was thirteen I was screwing seniors in high school.

I didn't have control over myself anymore.

And that was a fucking scary realization.

Sitting there in my bed, I was a complete mess. The stickiness of my desire was becoming uncomfortable, but I couldn't move from where I was. Trembling. I was still fucking trembling from what had happened to me, and all I could do was blame this devil woman who came to utterly destroy me. Never in all my years had I had a fantasy like that creep over into my dreams. In all seriousness, this girl had control of both my subconscious state and unconscious mind.

_Unchartered territory._

I didn't control my mind anymore.

And she did.

_You don't have any control…_

_What the fuck is happening to me?_

I groaned, but quietly cleaned up, my head and chest feeling heavy with need for her, my boner wearing down to nothing. It was like she'd taken everything, even the fucking energy I needed to go to the fucking bathroom and back to bed. Weak, I shuffled back to sit on the edge of my bed, rubbing my hands over my face. I groaned coming down from my high, trying to imagine anything but her face. I lay back down, hooking my arm over my eyes and kicking the comforter back; I thought I heard her whisper again, like it had crept in through the window opened by only a crack.

'Edward.'

It was the hardest weekend of my life.

* * *

BPOV

To say that I wasn't nervous was the understatement of the century. No, millennia.

"You, uh, you want me to drive you to school, Bells?" Charlie asked hesitantly. It was clear he really didn't want to, but seeing how nervous I was, offered.

My eyes shot up from where I stood at the sink washing my coffee mug and breakfast plates, stray strands of hair from my ponytail falling into my eyes. I gaped like a fish, shaking my head quickly. "No, no, Dad. It's fine. I know the way," I covered, as images of Charlie dropping me off in the cruiser flashed through my mind like the blaring lights on top of the very car that would ruin my life. "I'll have to learn to go on my own sometime. No use spoiling me," I tried to joke, though inside I was burning acid.

"Oh, yeah…you're right. That's uh, smart, Bells. Real uh….realistic." Charlie's eyes looked everywhere but my own, typical for him. He wasn't a very social man; never was and never would be. His aloofness with life helped him get to his rank at the Police Department, but it was that exact trait that broke my parents' marriage; drove a wedge between our relationship.

"In that case," he started, hooking his coat off the rack and clinking his keys, "I'm heading over to the station."

"Cool," I agreed, putting on my own jacket in preparation to leave. It was old and stained, definitely one of Charlie's coats, but who was I impressing? I wore what I had to keep warm in 30 degree weather. "You'll be home for dinner?" I asked, but Charlie was already half way out the door.

"Uh, what time is dinner?"

"Well, after school and homework, Dad. I'd say…six?"

Charlie's face scrunched tight, and I recognized the emotion as remorse; remorse for disappointment he was planning to deliver. I'd become well accustomed to it time and time again.

I was used to it, really, and I'd been able to recognize it since I was four. There were those two weeks every summer where that exact expression monopolized Charlie's face; where he thought taking me fishing with him and Billy Black was fun. That his little five year old daughter wanted to pretend to play Police Officer because there was nothing to do—so he took me to work with him. I was used to pizza and the diner with him, watching sports shows beside him silently until I would fall asleep or was old enough to put myself to sleep. It was just another letdown that didn't let me down anymore, because with both of my parents, they were daily occurrences.

"I really don't know about that, Bells. I work late Mondays. And Wednesdays. Thursdays, and Fridays. Saturdays are—"

"I got it," I smiled, forced, trying hard not to let any acid slip from my tongue. "You're not used to having a kid friendly schedule, its ok," I jabbed with a half smile. "I'll leave something for you."

"That's really great. Thanks. Try to have a good first day, please?"

"I'll try," I answered, but he was already gone.

The story of my life; I had parents that were just too busy for me to be the center of their world.

* * *

I never really planned on starting off with a bang, but the way my rusted old Chevy flatbed coughed as I parked next to the shiny new sports cars in the lot, the entire Forks population must have thought I'd arrived by cannon. Barely fitting my monster truck beside the candy red BMW convertible, I leapt out from the cab trying to find the main office. I must have looked lost as I stared hard at the crumpled map and list of classes, because I instantly caught attention.

"She has no idea where she's going," a thick, masculine voice spat, followed by a round of giggles. I spun instantly to meet the voice, and staggered backward. I felt, deep down, as if I'd heard it before, and squinting to look at the boy I shuddered. Before me was one of the biggest men I'd ever seen. His body taut with muscle and bulk, his face was extremely hard—and handsome—with its closely matted black curls. He smiled, still laughing at me, with deep set dimples, and for an instant I felt as if I recognized him. Not _him_ precisely, but something about the way he smiled.

In his arms, leaning against the side of the car, was an absolutely stunning girl. Tall, leggy and blonde, she looked as if she were an angel painted by Donatello, yet tainted by the constant sneer and scowl she wore. I was taken aback by both of their sheer beauty until a small figure jumped to my side.

"Don't pay any mind to them, they're too far into each other to know anything about anything else," the small girl's chiming voice laughed. "I'll help you out. Are you new here?"

I stuttered at her kind helpfulness, getting a good look at her. She, like the others, was painstakingly beautiful. Her ivory skin was perfectly smooth with small features, dark gray eyes peeking out from dark curled lashes. Her short, pixie hair was spiked in all directions, and though she stood at least half a foot shorter than me, I'd never felt more calm than in her presence.

"Yeah," I laughed nervously. "I kind of am. I mean I know the area because I come here every summer but—"

"Oh!" she small girl squealed. "You must be Isabella Swan, the Chief's daughter!" Delight took over her every feature and I could tell she was about to burst; I knew I'd have to stop her, because if I didn't I'd be another spectacle for a small down.

"Bella," I blurted forcefully, interrupting her with my hand out. "Please. Call me Bella."

"Ok, then, _Bella_," she beamed. "I'm Alice Cullen. I'll help you out. Come, let's go to the main office." Quickly she turned to lead me away, and I waved shyly at the others, the big one mockingly waving back at me. We'd barely turned before the silence was shattered by the screeching of tires and blasting music. I recognized it instantly as _Nirvana_, I'd listened now and then, but the way the car flew at lightning speed and swung into the spot beside my truck it was a sheer miracle I wasn't struck down by the driver—or able to discern it was a silver Volvo. The windows tinted a dangerous black, it was the only car whose windows were reflective like a mirror. Why anyone would need that kind of car in such a small town was beyond me; just another rich, stuck up kid trying to be the king of the High School. 

"Fucking idiot," Alice spat harshly, clearing her head quickly and tugging me away. "Let's get you going. So are you a junior, or a senior like me?"

"Senior. I know, it's ridiculous transferring mid year, but I had to."

"Yeah, I could only imagine. It can't be easy. So maybe we have some classes together! I am taking a history."

"Post Civil War? With…Bromwell? Second period?" I prompted, hoping this tiny girl who was so welcoming would be there.

"Yes!" she screeched. "Oh my goodness, that's means it's me, you and my boyfriend Jasper! Oh he is such a history buff. He loved all this Civil War stuff. He's real smart. And cute, too," she winked as she led me into the office. "I can tell you and I are going to be great friends!" she smiled again, angelic, hugging me tightly as I blushed.

"Oh, where are my manners?" she chuckled. "Mrs. Cope? This is Bella Swan, the Chief's daughter," she introduced, the lady behind the desk suddenly interested. "Can we set her up with everything?"

"Of course we can. Do you have your schedule, Bella?"

As if on cue the first bell rang for homeroom, and Alice shifted. "I'm so sorry, but I have to go. I'll see you in class though, ok, Sweetie?"

"Yeah, ok. Sure. Thanks a lot, Alice," I blushed, and was left to paperwork and forms.

The day went quickly enough. I'd found my way to my classes, barely late for all, if any, and was fairly interested in the material. I had English first with Mr. Berty, and he'd handed me a stack of books—classical works—all of which were my favorite, so I knew I'd be fine. History with Alice and her boyfriend Jasper went just the same, and I was comfortable to have a familiar face. Algebra and French were next, and I was glad I shared them with Jessica and Angela.

I welcomed the peace that came with a free period right before lunch. It was just what I needed to recoup after getting hammered with new people, introductions and embarrassment. I hid away in the library reading _Romeo and Juliet_, the assigned reading for my English class.

The harsh bell pulling me from the streets of Verona, I gathered my things and headed over to what I would enjoy the least of my day, everyday. The social spectacle of lunch, where even in Arizona everyone would gossip and spread rumors—would and could always be despised by me. And today would be no better; I would be the new girl walking into the shark pit as everyone stared and whispered about the Bachelor Chief's _Plain Jane_ daughter.

The cafeteria was packed by the time I'd gotten there, as I expected in my worst nightmares, and if Jessica didn't wave her arms to guide me over to her I'd have never found her. I smiled small, plopping my bag down at a table with Angela and Ben, Jessica and Mike.

"So…how you liking Forks so far, Arizona?" Mike chuckled, leaning back with his arm around Jessica.

"I can't really complain so far. But then again, it hasn't really rained yet." They laughed, and I nervously sat down, pulling an apple off of a tray. And just like that, just as I had in Arizona, I became the wallpaper of the lunch table. There, but not really there, I was just someone to sit at their table. I didn't know anyone they were gossiping about, or any of the plans they were making. I just sat quietly, eyes averted as I picked at the red apple and twisted the stem. To be completely honest I wasn't even listening, because nothing was familiar to me, that is, until Mike mentioned the Cullens.

"That's why I had that party this weekend, guys. Because of that shit the fucking Cullens pulled a few nights ago, my parents had to go into Seattle to get new stuff for the store."

_Cullens_…I immediately stopped twisting the stem of my apple on the table to look up.

"They're bad news, Mike," Angela sighed. "And to think…they were _there_. With us."

My eyes were going from face to face as the conversation continued, and I tried to piece the pieces together. Perhaps there had to be some other Cullen family, because I couldn't see my new friend Alice being any trouble. The girl was brilliant and sweet…kind. She took me in with a smile.

"I know," Mike nodded, anger written all over his features. Jessica pouted beside him, rubbing his back. "I was off my guard a little," he smiled tightly, winking at Jessica who finally smiled. "But Tyler, Ben and me searched the house after. Nothing was missing. Nothing was broken. So maybe it's a stupid rumor."

"No," Angela breathed. "It's not. I _saw_ them." The entire table, including myself, glanced at the other before leaning forward to hear Angela's low whisper. "Ben and I," she continued, went on the front porch just for a bit. You know, to get air. We're social and we love our friends, but Mike, you know there were too many people there…"

"Ang…" Mike rolled his eyes. "Please? Skip it. We know you're shy," he winked.

"Ok, well, out front where everyone parked their cars, all the way down the driveway? That's where they were—Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice. They never came in, I guess because Emmett and Rose picked up drinks, I mean, they were drinking a little, but they were no where near drunk," she paused. "And _he_," she emphasized, her head pointing over to the far side of the cafeteria, "wasn't there."

"Good," Mike seethed, and I could see there was hostility between Mike and whoever _he_ was.

"I'm…not finished," Angela meekly hushed, and the tenseness in everyone's eyes multiplied. "I said he…he wasn't there."

"I know, Ang, and I said—" Mike started, but was interrupted.

"I said he wasn't _there_ because he wasn't with _them_," Angela finished. "But his car was parked behind Jessie's. So…he had to be _somewhere_ in the party. Somewhere no one saw him."

My mind was running with the possibilities, swimming as I tried to imagine what bad seed Alice hung out with. She and Jasper were perfect. Seemed perfect. Neither of them could possibly be delinquents.

"Get the fuck out of here!" Mike whispered fiercely. "No fucking way," though Angela only nodded its confirmation. "Motherfucker. I was in the living room, so that covers the dining room too, and I didn't see him."

"Yeah and I was in the kitchen, then in the basement for a while and he wasn't in either," Ben dutifully replied.

"What the fuck? He wasn't upstairs!" Mike cursed. "Unless…" he trailed off to focus his eyes on me, and all eyes turned with his. I felt myself blush from the attention, my tongue useless. I shook my head, but Mike still asked the question. "What about you, Bella? Where were you at my party?"

"I…I…," I stuttered, "I was on the balcony. In the back."

"Bingo," Tyler spat, taking his chair, swinging it backwards and pulling it over to sit close to me.

"Now we got it," Mike exclaimed. "Did you see him?" Jessica nodded vehemently beside him, as if I had the answer, when really my stomach churned because I didn't even know who they were talking about.

"I don't even know who _he_ is! You keep saying _he_ like I would know what that means!" My voice rose in hysteria, and was getting nervous. But I could see from their expressions that they believed me, because it was true.

"You don't know the Cullens, Bella?" Jessica baited, but I shook my head.

"I have class with Alice. And Jasper, but I thought he was a Whitlock," I confessed. "Alice is really nice though. She's my…friend, I guess…"

"Shit," Ben swore. "Nah, but she's nice enough. It's safe, right Mike?"

"I guess," he started, but his eyes were angry, serious. "Bella…they're trouble. I mean, like I just said, Alice is safe enough. So is Jasper because he's just as clean as Alice, but the others…Ok. Alice is the middle Cullen. The only girl. Real smart. She'll go places. But she has an older brother and a younger brother. Her older brother is Emmett. He's like this big jock, but a moron. Like, the kid didn't even get accepted into college. He's fucking useless. Big oaf. His girlfriend is a tall, blonde, supermodel bitch…Rosalie Hale. She comes from money. There," his face nudged forward in the direction of the far table.

I looked quickly, inconspicuously, and saw Jasper and Alice, who waved animatedly with a smile. I smiled back, before taking note of Rosalie. She was the girl from this morning, the girl who leaned against the car with the guy who had seemed so familiar. Deducing that I had met Emmett Cullen, I looked to Rosalie who was slouched, bored looking; angry at the world.

"I saw her in the parking lot this morning. With her boyfriend, I guess. That was Emmett." Their eyes lit up. "Why did I see him this morning if he doesn't go here?"

"Because, like, he comes to see her in the morning," Jessica whispered. "Like, just to _see_ her. He has nothing to do, no job, no nothing. He's useless."

"Yeah, ok, well they're not even the problem." Mike spat. "The _he_ that we're talking about is the younger Cullen. Edward."

My entire world froze.

I wasn't breathing. This guy, this _he _that they so hated, was the boy at the party that I had been with. In a second I saw myself on the balcony at Mike's with that boy, that beautiful boy who had been with me and swept me off of my feet. I recalled, as surely as the name fell from Mike's lips, the bellow of Emmett's sure voice as he called to his brother, the reason why I recognized his voice, his smile, and the boy's name. It just hadn't really meant anything to me because I assumed he was just another teenager, a regular guy. Not one that could possibly be so hated. Though I didn't know why, I had to find out.

"You know him?" Tyler prompted, and I shook my head.

No, I really didn't know him. I'd just met him and thought him wonderfully perfect, but that didn't mean I knew a single thing about him. Besides, it could have easily been another Edward…

"Good," Mike sighed. "Stay away from him, you hear me? He's trouble."

"What kind?" I prompted, closing my eyes to guard the pain. It would be that the one good looking guy that shows an interest in me would be trouble.

"Well for starters, I literally think he's fucked half of the female Fork's High School population, past and present."

_Cocky. I knew he was cocky. I could sense it in his pick up lines, the pet names he called me. _

_He sleeps with everyone. Doesn't want you for you, Bella. Wanted to use you for sex, Bella…_

"Second, he's always doing something stupid in school. Like, not just stupid, but outright maniacally planned to fuck everybody. Like, last year he drove his car through the brand new greenhouse the biology students fundraised to build. That's why his Dad got him the cheaper car, the Volvo. The car he drove through was the Mercedes Benz."

My eyes widened in shock. _No. No…can't be…_

"That's nothing, Bella," Jessica prompted a warning.

"Bella," Mike beckoned, "you have no idea. Just this past week Emmett stole some bottles of Bacardi and spray paint and completely trashed my parent's store."

_No…no, stop. I don't need to hear this…_

"They've been in Seattle the past few nights getting construction men and lawyers to draft up the amount of damage they did to the store. That's why I had the party this weekend. They wouldn't be home, so I knew it was safe to have everyone over.

"That's beside the point. Bella, they have criminal records. Your Dad takes them in all the time for shit. Like, no joke, your Dad _hates_ them, Bella. He and your father fight all the time. Edward thinks nothing of doing something on purpose to piss your Dad off so he can take him in.

"Please. Stay away. They've fucked people up before and not even thought twice. Like, even their parents hate them. His father is the Chief of Surgery at the hospital. His mom's this big Interior Designer. He's a disgrace."

_Your father hates him._

_Your father has arrested him. _

_Your father gave him his criminal record. _

_Revenge. _

_Screw his daughter, get back at the Chief. _

_Perfect revenge._

My father was by no means perfect. He wasn't the best husband, or the world's greatest father, but if there was one thing in his life that was perfect it was his job. His life was the station, and he knew the law better than he knew himself. If he had to arrest someone, repeatedly, he had a legitimate reason.

_You gave your heart to a delinquent_.

"Bella," Jessica prompted, as anger surged through my veins.

_A lie, all a lie_.

"I was with him at the party," I confessed, my eyes closed.

"What?" Angela gasped, covering her mouth. Silence fell over the table, I opened my eyes to meet shocked faces. "I…I didn't know who he was. He…he never told me. He doesn't know who I am either. I just, I didn't…"

And then behind me, someone was hovering. Mike straightened up, on all defenses, and I knew it, deep in my bones, that he had managed to find me.

"Well, well, well…look who it is," a voice called behind me, and my skin crawled as surely as my heart stuttered.

The same perfect, velvet voice.

_Edward._

I didn't move.

"Look at you," he chuckled. "I barely recognized you dressed like that. What the fuck, couldn't you have dressed a little nicer to see me, Beautiful?"

My heart was pounding in my chest, slamming painfully. I knew I was dressed plainly—worn jeans, an old bowling team jersey and Charlie's raggedy coat—but I was clean and modest. No makeup to tarnish my clear skin, I knew I didn't look like I did Saturday night, but that had to be acceptable. This was school, and I was no Rosalie Hale. I didn't deserve his ridicule.

I felt his warmth around me, his presence, like the sun quickly turning into the flames of hell; I slid my chair back quickly, never looking him in the face. Throwing my bag over my shoulder I stood to quickly get away.

"Whoa, whoa, where are _you_ going?" Edward called out to me, and I only quickened my pace, just as I did Saturday when I _should_ have walked away. Only I was going so fast, was so angry that my vision blurred, that I'd turned down an unfamiliar hallway. I ignored the table of my friends calling after me, and walked right into a locked crash bar, pushing and pushing against a door that would never open.

From behind me he laughed loudly, and I spun to face him. Leaning against the wall in all his perfectly handsome, beautiful glory, he looked like the devil to me. Dark black jeans and black converse, Edward donned a tight gray t-shirt and a heavy leather jacket. His bronze hair a constant disarray just like Saturday, Edward's green eyes sparkled, his linear features sinfully decadent. The bruise was fading; yes, definitely lighter than when we'd met, the greenish yellow was sinking into his the pallor of his porcelain skin. His lips, pink and pulled tight in a crooked smile teased me; as handsome as he was, I hated him. Instantly. Only someone so beautiful, so perfect could have such an incredibly black soul. Empty, corrupting, evil, no one with a heart would have embarrassed me the way he did back there; would have cockily remarked that we had known each other in a more intimate way, at a table of people that hated him beyond belief. His simple statement—'couldn't you have dressed nicer to see me, Beautiful' had made my skin crawl, and I immediately branded him as a soulless creature.

Eyes raking my form, I suddenly felt naked, trapped. Like he was undressing me with his eyes, which he probably was; he'd undressed everyone else.

"That door's not gunna open, Gorgeous."

"Don't call me that," I spat.

"Ooh; feisty. I fucking _love_ that." I began to walk forward to cut around him, but he blocked me. I moved to the left, but, like before, he blocked me. "Going somewhere?" He smiled, and I pushed at his arm.

"Yes. Anywhere that you are not."

"Aw, now is that nice, Sweetie? Look at you. You're so good at this…putting up a fight when you really just want me."

Edward leaned in closely be my ear, and I cringed, his warm breath tickling my ear. My heart raced from the attraction I had for him, from the smell of his pure scent that took over my senses and made my abdomen clench. But my adrenaline pushed me back. "I love it when they play hard to get."

"Get away!" I shrieked, pushing hard against his chest. He barely budged, his thin frame stronger than I'd expected, and I stared up into his eyes. I could tell mine were hard, icy and angry, but as I looked into his I was floored.

Green, a beautiful emerald with flecks of brown, I lost my breath. He was taken aback, not the hard ass I'd come to know, but the boy at the party. Wide and open, Edward's pupil's dilated to nearly encompass the green, and imploring, it looked as if he had no answer for me. He didn't respond, only went limp, as if I'd rendered him defenseless.

I was so lost in his eyes that, for a split second they showed me a different Edward. It hurt me to do it—there aren't any words for the ache in the center of my chest—but I easily pushed past him under his arm; and he let me go. I sped faster, but it only made me more conscious of his presence behind me, his sneakers sounding against the linoleum flooring.

"Hey! Come over here!" Edward yelled after me, but I spun past the table of my friends as fast as I could.

"I'm fucking _talking_ to you! Come back!" he yelled, but I'd already left the cafeteria, my heart shattering from his absence already

* * *

EPOV

"Ugh, fuck," I groaned, rubbing my face to wake myself up. The fucking bell had rung like a pain in the ass alarm clock, effectively forcing me to wake up. Of course, I wasn't supposed to be sleeping in study hour, it really defeated its purpose entirely, but when you chose the library and went to a secluded corner it was easy to doze right off. It wasn't like I fucking slept at all this weekend.

_The first full hour of sleep where I wasn't haunted. Let me not jinx myself. _

I shuffled around, in absolutely no rush to get over to the shit show that was Forks High lunch. It was my least favored moment of the day—where all the little assholes could join together and hold hands to discuss the aspects of everyone's life. Particularly mine.

Really, I was flattered.

I took the longest route to the cafeteria, all around the empty, dim lit halls and past the tan, remote lockers surrounded by the peace and quiet I hadn't had all weekend. I was actually fucking _relieved_ to be in school. It was the only place I couldn't see _her_. She couldn't haunt me here, and I couldn't fantasize her here with me. It was the one place I was safe.

My back slamming into the metal door, I stumbled into the cafeteria from behind, barely turning to grab a bright red apple before I sat at the corner table, alone. I had an unofficial claim to it, but really, no one would want to sit there. Everyone wanted to be in the center, to be noticed, while I just wanted out. It was a darker corner where the light from the windows didn't really hit, and in all honesty I wasn't really alone. Alice and Jasper's table was right beside mine with _Bitch_ already sulking and glowering because she just _couldn't_ handle a fucking year of high school without Emmett.

My chair in reverse, I bit hard into the apple, the crunch breaking the silence of my mind, as I watched the table with my sister and friends. I smiled as I rocked back and forth, watching as Alice chatted away with Jasper, desperately trying to entertain Rose. She drawled and bitched about the new girl who was just _so_ nice and _so_ sweet and _so_ pretty. I chuckled again to myself. I'd be the judge of that.

As if she had read my mind, Alice turned to me, her face completely disgusted. I was so in tune with her I could almost read her thoughts. It was almost like a gift I had because of my ability to read peoples expressions and mannerisms—and Alice wasn't my biggest fan. I could practically hear her shrill, wind chimed voice threatening me; '_Stay away_…'

I scoffed at her. If this new girl was worth my time I'd find out on my own. Until then I really didn't care. But if she was as kind and sweet as Alice said…

I didn't want to know jack shit about her. Yawning, as lunch was half over and I had to go to fucking biology with fucking Mr. Molina soon, I stretched upward. My fist barely covering my wide open trap, I yawned so severely that my eyes closed, a little watery from my lack of energy. They opened slowly as I scratched my messy hair and looked around the room.

And I fucking choked.

_No. No… no, no fucking way._

Right there, _right in front of me,_ separated by just my sister's lunch table, I saw _her._ Or thought I saw her.

_You fucking jinxed yourself…one free hour of sleep and now you start hallucinating!_

_I'm not even safe at school. Christ. _

_It not her…she just looks like her…_

But the longer I stared, the more the nauseous feeling set in. Hard and acidic, my stomach lurched painfully while my head spun.

This girl that sat just before me was about her height. She wasn't dressed like she was last weekend—no way in hell, because she was practically wearing a potato sack—but I recognized the delicacy of her hands, the very ones that in my mind's eye worked my body over like no one else ever had. The creamy, perfect complexion was the same; her features barren of any makeup.

_It's not her. You're making her up._

_No…no it's her. Look at her fucking hands._

_Her hands? Dude what the fuck?!_

_It's her. She's fucking here. She's here. Oh what a fucking life, why is she here?_

_Don't do this to yourself. You're gonna walk over, say something stupid and she's gonna look at you like the asshole you are because it's not the same girl…_

I ignored myself because I knew it, knew it from the bottom of my heart and the pit of my stomach where hydrochloric acid had officially burned a nasty ulcerative hole, that the girl before me was _the _girl.

_My torment._

She wasn't a figment of my imagination, or a ghost that had come to sit on the edge of my bed and smile coyly at me just to fuck with me. She was here, and I knew for sure it was her.

I'd only seen that hair color once before and it was on Saturday night.

Brown, really a rich mahogany, her hair waved and curled around her face; thicker at the bottom, I recognized the little traces of red that curled around through her dark locks as the light from outside shone directly on her. Auburn, almost a muted carbon copy of my own, it gave her hair a dimension that was utterly natural, not out of a hair dye bottle, which was unheard of in this school.

And here she was, natural and beautiful.

Almost as if she felt my eyes on her, she turned suddenly, cautiously. Beautiful, just as I'd remembered it, this girl needed minimal makeup to, err, coax the blood flow in me. There was something so simply and naturally encompassing about her, and there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could do.

I caught Newton's small head nod in my direction, and her eyes were guarded, cautious. Like she wasn't supposed to be looking over in this direction; like she'd be penalized for doing so. She gave a short wave and a self-conscious smile, and I realized instantly that she'd aimed it at my sister and Jasper.

_Oh my God. Alice knows her. She's friends with her._

_Oh, Godfuck._

And just like that I knew what I had to do. I'd been tortured by her, fucking harassed all weekend by her image, her smile, her fucking scent. There was no way I was going to deny myself the thrill, the fantasy any longer. I knew once I went over, realized she wasn't what I'd made her out to be, she'd leave me the fuck alone. Of course, I knew she didn't know the spell she'd cast, possessing me completely.

_Or does she?_

_She definitely fucking does. The new girl, skipping from school to school leaving a trail of guys just like me in her wake…_

_Well I'm gunna be the one who fucks her this time and ends her._

I cleared my throat and walked over, Alice's face looking like she'd swallowed a lime, whole.

"Edward…" she growled angrily, but I paid no mind. My attention was otherwise focused. I smiled, tight lipped, mentally hearing the list of curses Alice was throwing my way.

I got all the way over to her, hovering right behind her petite figure. She was completely unaware of my being there, and I chuckled at her.

And then fucking shit head Newton looked up at me, scowling his little bitch face.

She read the anger, immediately reacting. Her small frame, almost quivering, stiffened rigidly in her seat.

I smiled.

"Well, well, well…look who it is," I smiled deeper, crookedly, and I could almost hear her heart stop before pounding. She was perfectly still, maybe in shock, that _I'd _found _her_, when in reality she was _still _haunting _me_.

"Look at you," I laughed harder, looking at the dumpy coat that reminded me of the chamois I cleaned my car with, only this one had coffee stains. "I barely recognized you dressed like that. What the fuck, couldn't you have dressed a little nicer to see me, Beautiful?"

Of course I didn't mean it, though. I could never mean anything like that with regards to her. I knew she was fucking drop dead gorgeous. She had to know that about herself.

She didn't move and I could tell her breathing was coming harder and faster. I almost reached out a hand to turn her around, secretly hoping that I could embarrass myself when I realized it wasn't really her.

Just like that she'd slammed her back against the chair, the hard metal screeching against the flooring as she shot up. She threw her bag over her shoulder angrily and flat out bolted from my presence.

_What the fuck? _

After everything, after all I'd gone though because of her that weekend where she'd barely left me able to function, she'd just stood up and fucking blew me off.

_No way. Not. Fucking. Happening._

"Whoa, whoa, where are _you_ going?" I yelled after her, mad as fucking hell. No one and I mean no one, fucking walked away and left me like the prick of the year.

I watched as she ran uneasily toward the back of the cafeteria. She didn't know where to turn, unaware of her surroundings, before she just decided to turn and run down an empty hallway.

_My empty hallway_. The one I hid in some days just to get away from everyone.

I ran after her, knowing I'd catch her because there was no where she _could_ go.

I had her exactly where I wanted her.

I couldn't help the smile that pulled at my lips as she pushed and kicked hard at that crash door. It would never open because they were chained and padlocked on the opposite end, but watching her squirm and fight to get away from me—knowing she was trapped in my presence—was decadently rewarding.

_Well, well, Baby. We don't like it so much when the tables are turned, do we?_

It was exactly what she'd done to me all weekend, trapping me inside the confines of my own mind, not like that made me safe. She'd robbed me of sleep and fucking peace of mind. If she felt half as trapped now as I did this weekend we were at least on the same playing field.

I smiled, seeing she'd given up the fight. I let a small chuckle slip out, and she spun forcefully, her beautiful features instantly changing. She wasn't the girl who was struggling to be free, but the determined one who wanted to fucking retaliate in the worst way.

I couldn't help it. No matter what she wore, though these clothes were obviously less flattering, she was beautiful. I stared hard trying to remember the curves of her waist, the long lines of her legs.

I almost got it. Almost.

The memory of her didn't do the real thing justice.

I sighed, defeated, because I just wanted to see her all over again. Justify the insanity that had taken over me. I had to force my voice to come out strong, frustrated as I was. "That door's not gunna open, Gorgeous."

"Don't call me that," she almost screeched, her brown eyes livid.

My heart pounded, and I clenched and unclenched my hands. In that moment I wanted her, like I had in my dream. She was aggressive and something about the tone of her voice went straight to my dick. I started to wonder how loud she would be and if our voices would echo out into the cafeteria.

"Ooh, feisty," I shot back, my mind currently residing in the gutter. "I fucking _love_ that."

She darted then, a little scowl on her face that made my dick twitch, but she hadn't suffered enough. There was no way I was letting her off easy, because she hadn't been so gracious with me. She had to really fucking struggle the way I had, to fight with light and darkness. I blocked her, and she halted; again, she tried to get around me but I cut her off with my arm.

"Going somewhere?" I smiled, because I could begin to see in her eyes the same look that had tortured me all weekend, only I'd seen it before in my own reflection; desperation.

"Yes. Anywhere that you are not."

_Good. Go away. Leave me the fuck alone._

"Aw, now is that nice, Sweetie?" I crooned, dragging this out just a little longer. "Look at you. You're so good at this…putting up a fight when you really just want me."

Frankly, I didn't know where that came from. I wanted her, and clearly she didn't want me. She wanted out, because judging from her change in attitude towards me, Shithead Newton had filled her in. And that told me a lot about a girl. Easily manipulated…simple…it would be very easy to get her where I wanted, and to get what I wanted from her.

I was shaking with the promise of resolution as I leaned in close to her, and when she cringed away I staggered at her scent; nothing, no memory I could possibly recall in any shower could even come close to her mouthwatering scent. It was almost too much to bear. I breathed hard against her neck, trying to right myself as I pinched my eyes shut tightly. This pounding in my chest couldn't stay forever, the clamminess of my hands…

_Was I seriously fucking sweating bullets for this chick?_

_Push her away. Ruin it. Make her never want to come back…_

My eyes closed as her scent took over me completely, I spoke the words to my freedom. "I love it when they play hard to get."

"Get away!" she screamed, and her small hands planted hard on my chest and just shoved. I was so much stronger than her tiny frame that she barely budged me an inch. I hadn't moved.

Actually, I _couldn't._

Because at that precise second, I looked down at her as she looked up at me, and there was no way I was moving from that exact spot, ever. Her brown eyes were fathomless, consumed by the fire that burned outward. They were shiny and dark, glistening with the promise of tears but light enough that I could count every dark line that was etched into the chocolate iris.

It wasn't so much the anger or passion that had floored me, but the fact that I was, in that one moment, as trapped by her as she was by me. These were the exact eyes, the exact gaze that had destroyed my life; had haunted and corrupted my moments of peace. It was how she would have looked in the heat of passion, in my arms, as she came apart in the euphoria only I could give her.

She'd completely robbed me of my soul, like she had in my dreams, pulling it out of me from a place I didn't even think existed. I'd lost all defenses, all of my strength and fight, because against her, I was utterly powerless.

It took me a full fucking second to realize she'd pushed past me and had started running away. But she couldn't. I wouldn't let her just turn and walk away from me because the further she ran and skipped, the more I felt the almost gravitational pull slipping from me. As if I wouldn't be able to stand upright outside of her presence. In it I'd felt healthy. _Fulfilled._

Now that she was gone the panic set in again, closing in on me, and I couldn't breathe; she'd stolen the air right out if my lungs. She wasn't there with me. And those were the times that I had to worry the most; those were the times when I didn't know when she'd haunt me next.

I ran after her, ran for both my unexplainable need and my personal sanity. My sneakers slapped the linoleum violently as I called out. "Hey!" I screamed, just as she'd passed the shocked faces of her asshole friends. "Come over here! I'm fucking _talking_ to you!"

But she was already gone, and I was left, for the first motherfucking time in my high school career, embarrassed and alone in the middle of the cafeteria; a spectacle. A once in a lifetime event. Edward fucking Cullen, turned down by a girl.

"Cullen have you fucking lost it this time? Like, really." I turned menacingly to meet Newton's ridiculous gaze. He was awestruck and amused, and I dug my hands in my pockets as I shrugged my shoulder at the prick. Who the fuck was he to laugh, when in reality I'd have a better record of women in High School than he would in his entire life?

"You'd better fucking watch how you talk to me…"

"No…no, Cullen, _you_ had better watch," he laughed now, pure joy showing on all his features. The girls had shrunk down, mute and queasy looking as they hid behind their boys just as Mike stood up, open palms leaning on the table.

"Really, Edward?" he asked again, mocking me.

_Him_. Fucking mocking_ me_. This kid was _dead_.

"Bella?"

_Huh? Wait…who?_

My confusion must have shown on my face, because I felt the heaviness of my brow as I stared into this fucking asshole's face. After all, this whole thing was his fault. He had to have the fucking party.

"BELL-LA," he reiterated, and the girls began to snicker. "Isabella?"

"That doesn't mean anything to me you fucking douche bag, so when you decide to make sense, talk to me." My body angling to turn away, Mike reeled me back in.

"You mean to tell me you don't know her name?"

I froze, completely unmoving save for my breathing. I didn't know her name. I felt like I'd known everything else about her except the most _basic_ thing. I turned back, guarded, never letting on that he had known better than me.

"Her name is Isabella," _God, why did that name sound so familiar?_ "but she prefers to be called Bella."

Appropriate; Bella. It meant beautiful in Italian, and that's exactly what she was—enticingly beautiful and disturbingly addictive; like my own personal brand of heroin.

Mike's face was pink with promise, and from the way his lips smirked, my stomach churned waiting for the guillotine to fall. "Really, Edward?" he repeated cockily. "The Chief's daughter?"

_Whoa, wait…Come again?_

_No…_

"You picked the wrong girl this time, Cullen. That was Isabella Swan."

_Oh._

_Fuck._

_Me._

* * *

AH! Drama!!!

Read and Review!!!!!! You can also check me out over at Twilighted(DOT)net. There I'm Alyssa Cullen lol

Be safe,

Alyssa Cullen


	7. Chapter 6: Day 1: Eighth Period Biology

A/N:

Here's our bimonthly update! As promised, we'll get a new CH every other Monday. I'm really excited about this Ch, as we're getting into the hat of the story—and the good stuff hasn't even happened yet!

ALSO…if you're on twitter, FOLLOW ME! I post updates as to where I am in the story, writing, and teasers! Username Alyssa_Cullen89.

As always, your reviews mean the world to me, and I appreciate every one. Keep them up! They're my guide so I know if I'm falling flat!

Enjoy this CH!

* * *

Chapter 6 - Day 1: Eighth Period Biology

BPOV

Nothing in my life had ever given me more freedom than the click the heavy metal school door made as it swung open, flinging me outward into the misty afternoon air. I was gasping—a complete emotional wreck—as I desperately tried to empty my lungs of the stagnant, dirty air.

I dropped my bag to the side, my breath clouding before me in the cold. I felt robbed of everything, stripped emotionally of any and all light. My trembling hands wrapped around my middle as if they were the only things holding my insides together. A dull ache had settled in my chest.

I slid, weakly, down the wall I didn't even realize I was leaning against, a single hot tear escaping. But that was just me; I was the girl who cried when she was furiously angry.

I didn't know why it had never occurred to me that he'd be here. I don't know why I couldn't imagine seeing him again outside of that party. I don't know why it surprised me so much that Edward could be so ridiculously bad for me. He was a stranger to me. No blood no foul, right?

_Wrong. So very, very wrong…_

It was a preposterous concept that entered my mind from where I sat there against the wall, alone in the misting rain, my hands convulsing as they combed through my hair. Preposterous that I was so shaken by him; preposterous that I cared enough to let him bother me. I barely knew him, and in turn he was nothing to me. Just someone I had happened to meet at a party.

That I just so happened to laugh with.

_So? You laugh with a lot of people, Bella. What does that mean?_

That just so happened to be ridiculously gorgeous.

That I just so happened to feel this amazing connection with.

It was exactly what frightened me the most; the pull I had to him. I couldn't explain it that night, and I'd undressed, pulled my hair in a ponytail and went to sleep. As if he were there with me, when in reality he wasn't. When Charlie had asked me how the party was, knowing full well that the police were there that night, my lips pulled into a smile remembering him. It was in the way I'd laugh to myself when I dusted my room and "Check Yes, Juliet" came on the radio, like I was some love sick fool.

I'd never felt this way about anyone in my life. I was too used to the emptiness, the hurt, that I'd never thought I could feel elation, happiness…hope. Yes, it was the feeling of hope that I wasn't used to. Hope that things could be better, just from meeting this one guy. That, with just one person in my life, I wouldn't get hurt.

**I was teetering on the edge of suffocating, feeling returning while the numbness fell back. **

**What was it about him? This one guy who made me feel this terrible all over again?**

The guy that just so happened to be the worst possible human being. _Scum of the Earth._

The guy that gave me butterflies. Butterflies meant attraction.

_This shouldn't even be a conversation you have with yourself, Bella…_

I knew I wasn't cut out for this. I was this quiet, meek little thing. I wasn't a girl who was in the face of society, pushing aside and stepping on people for the climb. I was a constant thing who hated change and attention; the eternal wallflower. I wasn't ready to be the one everyone looked at, the one everyone gossiped about, Cullen's "new" girl. I was having a hard enough time being the new girl, period.

And here I was, unknowingly linked to the most notorious troublemaker in town.

_A rollercoaster built to crash_. The only thing I wanted was out.

I knew what I had to do. I had to hold my head up and keep him at bay. Stay as far away from him as humanly possible. He wasn't my caliber. There was no way we'd have any of the same classes. We were polar opposites. I was a grade A student on honor roll, he couldn't care less about anything. I almost had perfect attendance every year; his criminal records were pretty long. My nose was always stuck in a book, piles littered around me; the only things littered around Edward were empty bottles of alcohol.

The shrill bell came from nowhere, breaking the silence, and I gathered my things and unfolded my crumpled schedule. All I had to do was make it through one more class, just one, and this day would be over.

_How bad could biology be?_

I shuffled over, guessing my way from building to building until I finally found the class right before the rain came down harder. I knew I probably looked like a mess; hair disheveled and definitely shaken, but nothing I couldn't play off as the weather. It was what I was good at—making what hurt me the deepest become nothing at all. It was the only way I got through this life of disappointment; disappointment from my parents and from anyone else who managed to promise me anything. I'd learned young, and learned well, that the only way to keep the piercing depression that settled in my chest at bay was to strengthen my skin until it was armor.

It was a sad thing that just a few months shy of 18, my skin was a vault, encasing its most precious possession—my wounded, scarred heart.

And for now, I had to be "Bella". Not the Bella everyone thought I was; no, that Bella was a figure of everyone's imagination. I had to be the Bella that I had to be, for myself. Because if I didn't, if I let myself waver for just a second, I would find myself in the same corner I'd backed myself into at eight years old. Broken, defenseless—pained—only it wasn't so much a pain I felt anymore; it was more like being numb to the outside world. The numbness had come later—much later—after the pain had worn down. I didn't, couldn't hurt anymore. You see, pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt…

Squaring my shoulders and taking that last deep breath for courage, I let myself slowly exhale, forming my tight, barely there smile, and walked through the threshold of Room 213.

"Hello, hello! Come in! Welcome!" a middle aged man waved from the teacher's desk.

I shyly walked in, shrinking back against the large metal cabinet that towered over me at my left. The strap of my backpack sliding down my arm, its weight balanced at the bend of my elbow. The teacher smiled.

"Isabella, I presume?"

I nodded. "Uhm, Bella, please…" I'd barely whispered. I wasn't even sure he heard me.

"Wonderful, wonderful," he crooned, rolling up his sleeves and flipping through paperwork. He handed me a considerable stack, and a textbook, both of which I barely balanced on my free arm.

"Your syllabus and text," he replied, his eyes looking up through his lashes and glasses frames to hold my own for a moment. "Welcome to Biology, my Dear. This is, of course, a general requirement, though…hmm, I'm not sure. Have you taken this course in Phoenix?"

"Yes," I replied, a little overwhelmed. He was just too cheery, and I was still recovering.

"Excellent. You'll do just fine then. Of course, this is the lab. We meet here, and conduct experiments based on the chapter, the material, and what not." He waved his hands enthusiastically, and I smiled a little to myself. This man, kind and friendly, truly loved what he did. It made me feel more at ease.

"Now, Bella, you just so happen to be in luck," he began, looking down and leading me into the larger part of the open room; my attention was focused on him. "Though I'm not sure you'll consider this luck…" he hushed under his breath. I was instantly worried.

"Never mind, then," he beamed, bouncing right back. His mood swings were giving me whiplash. "Mr. Cullen should be happy that he finally has a lab partner."

My stomach dropped.

There, right across the expanse of the lab table, black as ebony, Edward sat. His expression tired, almost hurt looking, he glanced at me for just a moment before he shook his head, turning away from me.

Acid; my stomach burned and flipped painfully. I looked down at the floor, a burning blush flooding my cheeks. I felt my hands start to tremble again, felt my entire being fall under his influence. It was almost a reflex how Edward could affect me so profoundly just from being in proximity. It was everything; his heady scent that invaded my nostrils, his handsome features burned in the back of my memory that made my heart race.

"Miss Swan?" the teacher questioned, concerned. I felt the blood flood from my face as I turned to face him. "Are you all right?" he persisted, brow knitting. "You've become as white as a ghost!"

"Mmhmm," I responded, my voice cracking. "Just fine; nervous. First day," I tried desperately to convince; it was obvious I failed.

"Hmm. Well try and calm down, Dear," he suppressed, features still concerned. "Sit…we'll be here for an hour."

An entire hour next to _him_; I wasn't sure I could endure it.

"Oh, and in all this confusion I forgot my manners!" he chuckled. "My name is Mr. Molina," he finished with a smile, extending his hand.

I took it gingerly, just a quick shake before we both turned to our respective tasks; Mr. Molina to his lesson plan for the day, me to the mess before my eyes.

The high stool designated as my seat right before me, I dropped my heavy bag to the floor with a thump, and slid my text and paper onto the countertop.

Edward never glanced my way. In fact, he didn't move. I wasn't entirely sure he was breathing.

The only sound was that of my thundering heart, my clammy hands grasping the counter for dear life, praying to a God that I wasn't exactly sure existed that I wouldn't slip and fall; I'd embarrass myself, and Edward sure as hell wouldn't help me.

_Bella, he doesn't care what you do. Do you really think he's this concerned over your sitting beside him? You're nothing to him!_

The more time that passed, the more the inner workings of my mind made sense. Edward sitting beside me didn't seem to have half the inner turmoil that I had raging through my blood. Edward, as I observed him from a sideward's glance, hadn't even bothered to remove his leather jacket. His right elbow supporting his weight against the tabletop, his entire body was angled away from me, facing the foggy windows. Though he was angled away, I could still see his expression, and it was blank. Not bothered, not dulled to the point of sleep, just blank. His green eyes stared forward, all the muscles of his face relaxed. It was a juxtaposition; the tension in his arm and the calmness of his face.

He was beautiful—something I hated to admit, as I sat loathing everything about him—but it wasn't something I could ever deny. Though I might feel sick, uneasy to the point of trembling and my stomach flipping, the racing of my heart was a dead give away that I was in deep trouble here.

"Mr. Cullen!" Mr. Molina shouted, annoyed though somewhat unsurprised.

I had jumped at the sudden exclamation, knocking my books onto the floor. Snickers from my classmates were a backdrop as I bent to gather my books. I was amazed, entirely, how Edward was unmoving. Unaffected. Reprimanded, and yet all he could do was to spin his body to face the teacher. Eyes cold; expression lax.

"That's a little better, don't you think?" Mr. Molina goaded. "Your latest fascination out that window there had Isabella distracted; she thought she was missing something…"

I blushed profusely. Class and lecture had started around me, and I had been so focused on Edward, I hadn't heard a thing. I hadn't even realized that somehow, my body had completely angled itself into Edward's.

"Not fair, Edward. Come on…" Mr. Molina chided.

Edward laughed, and I was caught entirely off guard because the laugh was deep and rich. The little crinkles beside his eyes gave him an entirely contradictory appearance—like sometimes I was looking at an angel and others the devil himself.

"I doubt that," he laughed lighter now, "highly."

"Well…focus…" Mr. Molina stuttered.

"Yeah. We'll see," Edward dryly responded, this time looking at me full on. His green eyes, that I remembered to be entrancing, pierced me. They stung as they stared through me, the same dull look crossing Edward's features.

Mr. Molina scowled slightly, obviously tired and at the end of his wits when it came to dealing with Edward. He sighed deeply before starting again. "You all have microscopes and slides," he started as he walked down the center aisle. "Each slide has a different stage of meiosis; open to page 245 in your workbooks, and put the slides in the correct order. You are to work together, in your lab groups…"

Mr. Molina's words hung in the air, and it took me a moment to realize that he was right above me. I had been studying my cuticles—anything to not look at Edward—and hadn't realized that he'd hovered over me. Almost in a protective stance, his left hand was spread on the blacktop. Glasses balancing on the tip of his nose, he glared at Edward, their gazes holding.

Their body language screamed volumes as I glanced back and forth.

Mr. Molina was warning Edward, almost daring him to take a wrong step.

Edward, smiling that same, crooked smile, had already defied him without actions or words.

It was everything I needed to know; this very same issue had become a problem before.

_Fantastic. _

Sliding away from the table, Mr. Molina returned to the front of the room. Arms behind his back, stern gaze over a silent classroom, he spoke confidently. "Begin."

The low murmur of voices signaling that other groups had begun, I felt Edward's gaze on me again; I squirmed. Finally turning to meet him, ready to get this class done and over with, I was floored by what I found.

Edward was practically in my face, his body angled right into my proximity, his left elbow now rested against the table, left hand entangled in his mess of bronze hair. Smiling—beaming brilliantly into my face—I gaped at him, silently wishing I could slap him and get away with it.

"Ready, Baby?" he mocked, eyes sparkling.

"I'm not your _baby_," I snapped, opening the book to find the correct page.

"Ouch. Well if I had it my way, you would be," he shrugged smugly before leaning away to sit straight up.

I laughed, acidly. "Never happen…" I swore, and I penned my name to the top of the page. "Listen, I'm not here for small talk. We have a job to do. And we will have a job to do every day, unfortunately."

"Oh, yes," Edward cleared his throat, pretending to be very businesslike. "And this job…any specifications?"

"Yes," I practically spat. "We do what needs to be done, and that's it," I waved my hand in the air in a cutting motion. "You go your way, I go mine. I have nothing to say to you, nothing to discuss other than the nature of our projects."

He nodded at me, his expression entirely profound and serious—like he was a surgeon considering the options for a patient. "I see…I'm not allowed to talk you about anything besides class work?"

"Yes," I jumped. "Wait, no. No, you are not allowed to talk to me regarding anything else."

"And where's the fun in that?" he cracked, finally laughing.

I rolled my eyes. "Let's just do this…" I sighed.

"Mm, do what?" he practically moaned, so low only I could hear it, and I gasped. My insides had turned to jelly, and if my grip on the stool were anything less than the death grip, I'd have slid off the chair.

I was angry. Furious. I hated this boy, had made the conscious decision to keep away at all costs, and yet here we were; forced together. Why was I allowing myself to be so affected? To have butterflies and loss of control? This couldn't happen with him; Edward was dangerous and all defenses needed to be up.

"Edward," I growled. "Stop it," I hissed. "Get the first slide ready."

Hands up, his own "white flag", Edward slid the microscope, slide one already in place, over to me. "Ladies first," he breathed softly, instantly changing the tone of his voice.

In a strange way I was floored, and I softened. It was the Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde business all over again. He looked…normal; like he had at the party. His icy eyes had thawed and his features had relaxed. Edward was passive as he gently slid the microscope over to me. There wasn't all bad in him after all.

"Huh…" I huffed in surprise.

"What?"

"I didn't know you could be polite…you know, with manners; ladies first," I asked out loud, wrapping my hand around the microscope and lowering my eye to the lens.

Then there wasn't anything in my hand anymore.

Before I could realize it, Edward had yanked the microscope out of my hands, the hard screech of metal against metal as it slid across the countertop, and he was lowering his own eye to the lens.

"So sorry…I almost forgot to be an insufferable prick," he said flatly, a small smile on his lips.

My blood boiled, and my left fist clenched; it was the first time in my life I had ever been compelled to beat someone senseless. I was seething, dangerously close to exploding. My pressure only rose, steadily, as he practically guffawed at my lip gnawing. He should have been thankful I was concentrating on the pressure of my teeth digging into my skin. What I really wanted to do was slap him upside his head.

Eyes sparkling, Edward grinned as he reported his findings. "Metaphase."

"And? Is that supposed to mean something to me, your identification? Am I supposed to take your word for it?" my tongue lashed at him like a dagger.

"Well," he shrugged, "why not? You're the new girl, after all…"

"I can hold my own, thank you very much. You don't have to worry. And besides, I'd like to make my own classification, if you wouldn't mind."

"Go right ahead," Edward huffed, annoyed. The screech of the microscope as he angrily pushed it towards me made me cringe, like nails on a chalkboard. "Suit yourself." Cocky and confident, Edward watched with baited breath as I took the lens into my grasp.

It took me all of a few seconds to identify the stage, but it had annoyed me more that he was correct. The slide in fact showed metaphase. I was just stalling because, really, who wanted to let the arrogant lab partner know he was right?

"Have you finished your _analysis_?" he pressed, eyebrows raised and expectant.

"Yeah," answered, scribbling in my book. "Metaphase."

"Ah hah…" he said considerately, waiting on my reaction. "And we wasted time because…what? You couldn't admit I was right?"

"No, we didn't _waste time_ because I couldn't admit you were _right_," I rushed mockingly. "I wanted to see for myself. Besides, why would I just accept your answer? I mean, what, was this a lucky day or something? Luckily, you decided to come to school today?"

"What are you saying, Bella?" he asked, eyes narrowed in skepticism. Arms crossed against his chest, the leather of Edward's jacket groaning. "Are you implying I'm a truant?"

Again, I was left surprised. For one, I was honestly surprised to hear the word 'truant' come out of his mouth; too formal of a word. Otherwise I was struck by his subdued tone. It was almost like I'd hurt his feelings.

"In not so many words, I guess."

Laughing, Edward shook his head, his messy bronze hair moving with him. "No, no see that's where you're wrong. You know," he began, taking the lens from my hand and agilely switching slides. Looking into the lens, he continued. "You make a lot of assumptions, don't you?" Directly meeting my gaze, Edward spoke strong and defensively.

"You walk in here, its day _one _for you, and you think you've got the whole God dammed swing of things. You've got _everyone_ pegged for who and what they are. I'm sorry, _Princess,_ but you're wrong; dead fucking wrong. I've missed all of three days of school this entire year, for your information."

There was an almost intense, defensive fire raging behind his eyes; there was no cutting into his monologue. His voice rising harsher, Edward was practically spitting as he continued. "So because I'm an asshole, that means I'm retarded? That I'm not as smart as _you_, maybe? Get the _fuck_ out of here, because I'm willing to bet I'm a lot smarter than you."

I'd never felt smaller in my whole life. Edward had cut me down to size, effectively putting me in my place immediately, and really, he wasn't wrong. I'd unfairly judged him and in doing so, offended him. It didn't matter how much of a terrible human being he was; he _was_ only human, with feelings just like me, and I owed him an apology.

"Oh and by the way, you fucking _know-it-all_, the next slide shows Anaphase." With a hard shove, Edward practically pushed the microscope off of the table and onto the floor. "Go ahead and fucking double-check it. Maybe I'll call over Motherfucker Molina and we can triple-check it."

I gaped from where I sat, my lower lip trembling with the sting of my eyes. I was seconds away from bursting into tears and running from the room, but that would only cause a scene, and that was something I didn't need a repeat of. I thought I owed him an apology—I could understand his anger—but now, I owed him nothing. An attitude would have sufficed. _This_…this was uncalled for.

"No," I whispered, somehow finding the capability to pick up my pen and scrawl "anaphase" in the book; it was hardly more legible than my usual handwriting. Now my hands were full on seizing as I tore the perforated page out. "No, I'll write it in."

"Fucking miracle," Edward spat, arms crossed across his chest as his leg shook. At first I assumed it was nerves; then I remembered how angry he was, and I was positive he was channeling his anger that way.

I withdrew within myself. For all I knew he could be violent. What could I do if he decided to lash out?

"We just have one more slide," I croaked, and to me it sounded like my voice was drowning under water. Barely audible, the anxiety was crippling me. I could barely hear.

"Hmph; so fucking brilliant _you_ are, Bella, really," he laughed condescendingly. "There are three stages Bella…" he said, as if he were speaking to a six year old. "If we have already identified two—metaphase and anaphase—what could the last one be?"

"Pro…prophase," I stuttered, embarrassed by my foggy brain.

_Now you've done it, Edward._

A lone tear slid down my cheek, hot and unnerving. I quickly moved my fist to wipe it away, but before I could dry the back of my hand on my jeans Edward had grabbed my wrist and pulled it to him.

"_Really_?" he asked in wonder. "You've got to be kidding me…" Expression blank, Edward stared hard at me in pure shock. His eyes narrowed to slits, examining me as I gawked back, wide eyed. I felt my eyes well up, watery pools. "You're not _seriously_ crying, are you?" he whispered, still bewildered by my oncoming tears.

Before another one could spill over I stood and walked, not so fast that anyone would assume I was bolting from the room, but quick enough that the threshold of the hallway led me to crisper, cleaner air.

Before I'd made it close enough to the door, Edward had jumped off his stool and swiped up the paper. I briefly heard Mr. Mollina reprimand him, Edward's gruff voice sputtering that we were done.

I had already stepped out of the room, arms wrapped tight around my waist, once again holding myself in. Staggering to my right, I crashed backward into a locker, my measly arms and scrap metal the only things holding me up. I was nearly doubled over, my untied hair hanging loose. I couldn't see anything but the expanse of brown hair I was hiding behind.

Edward came barreling through the door, looking to his left before whipping to his immediate right where I was barely holding myself together. He stopped short, running his hand violently through his hair before tugging at the ends. He exhaled shortly through his nose.

I held up my hand to silence him before he could even begin. Edward's mouth opening and closing while I cut him off. I sucked in a deep, burning breath. It stung, opening my lungs that were crushed under the weight of my anxiety, and I coughed before rasping, effectively scaring Edward half to death.

"Stop," I coughed, shaking my head. I steeled myself for another statement. "I'm sorry."

"Bella…"

"No, don't. My fault…" I sighed, desperately trying to fight back the tears. My head slid back and my eyes closed. I tried as hard as possible to keep them at bay, hold them in, but even with my eyes closed I could feel Edward in front of me.

He was close, almost as close as we were just before in the abandoned hallway, and I could sense his overwhelming presence enveloping me. Never had I expected Edward to have a soothing effect on me; for the first time all day, I felt safe.

"Bella," he whispered, his breath tickling my nose and lips, moistened from my tears.

_Sweet; he smells so sweet. _

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"What?" I gasped, my puffy eyes opening and locking with his emerald gaze.

"You didn't," Edward earnestly argued, and again, I wasn't with the Edward everyone knew. I was with the Edward_ I_ knew, and perhaps his family knew.

"God dammit, Bella, what'd you say that was so horrible, huh? Nothing. So what? You assumed I didn't go to school…no reason to hurt you that way..." His speech was coming faster and harsher, and his hands settled in his hair and on his hip. "I shouldn't have…I mean, God! Fuck, you're a girl!"

"You're making absolutely no sense…" I groaned before Edward's hand made contact with my face.

Delicate, so gently, he cupped my cheek in his hand. I gasped, and Edward suddenly pulled away from me, shoving his hand in his pocket like he'd burned himself.

We both stood there in shock, staring at the other. Neither of us could believe what had just transpired, considering there wasn't an explanation for Edward's almost bipolar behavior; suddenly he was angry again, backing up like a caged animal to press himself against the locker across from me.

"I have to go," he stated shortly, cold again, and unfeeling.

"Edward…"

"Listen, Bella…" Edward spun from where he had begun to walk away. "You…I can't figure you out. You keep…fucking…with my head. So just…I don't fucking know!" he yelled, the echo against the lockers shaking me to the core. "Just…stay away! I think its better, what you said…about us keeping it business like. You do what you gotta do and I'll handle my own shit. You'll just complicate my life." Edward was practically shaking, pulling roughly now at his messy hair. Confused and almost disoriented, he was looking everywhere but at me; almost like he was searching for an escape route.

"What?!" I cried, finally pulling away from the locker, charging at him. Edward's chest was heaving, though he was otherwise a solid fortress. His hands shot out to grab my arms, shocked I'd come so close, and was holding me away.

"Exactly!" he jutted his face into my own. "A fucking disaster. I don't know what the fuck is going on with you."

"Edward, I don't even know you two days! What…"

"Bella!" he roared, his face finally flooding with blood, angry. He gripped my shoulders tightly, never hurting me. "_Two days_ and look at this mess! Just keep the fuck away from me!" he bellowed, backing away and down the hall. "It's just better that we're _not_ friends…"

"Right, better we're not friends…" I mouthed, wondering if I really even spoke. Edward let go of my arms, and I stumbled back, pushing the heel of my hand into the center of my forehead. "Edward, what are we fighting about? Because I don't even know!"

"Neither do I!" the echo reverberated in the empty hall, and I hoped no one had been witness to our battle. "That's my point! You…fuck with my…I don't fucking know! Jesus fucking Christ, why are you still keeping me here? Just fucking let me go!" Edward roared, pushing himself off of the locker and into my face again. He was shaking, breathing hard, his every pant falling on my face; I wasn't afraid of him. Even though I was a head shorter than him, I shoved my face right into his.

"Then go!" I finally yelled, feeling the rage seep out.

"You're batshit…completely nuts…" he stared, wide eyed, as he back away from me again.

"Right," I laughed through my heavy tears. "_I'm_ batshit…you're the one who wants to use me as revenge against my father…"

Edward glared, the harsh bell ringing in the hall above my head. Instantly there was shuffling around us, the glares of students just trying to get out for the day. Once again I was their spectacle.

Tired of arguing, Edward simply turned and stormed down the hall, slamming the metal door open, hard, and disappearing into the parking lot.

My chest tightened; this wasn't over. Not by a long shot.

* * *

EPOV

"Fucking _bitch_," I spat as I slammed through the door, effectively crashing metal against brick in a deafening way. I barely registered that I may have damaged school property, but at that one moment I was beyond seething.

I stormed across the campus and toward the parking lot, quickly finding my silver Volvo. It was easily one of the nicest cars in this shithole, the other nicer cars belonging to my friends and siblings. It was parked next to a pick-up truck—a rusted, eroding hunk of shit. I was disgusted.

Jasper had parked his Mercedes next to mine, a line-up we'd had forever, and I could make out his figure beside my sister. Alice, perched lightly on the trunk of his car, smiled sweetly before worriedly focusing her attention on me. She motioned to him, pained by something. Jasper, hands out at whatever Alice had told him, furrowed his brow and stepped forward to stop me.

"Whoa, Edward, slow down. What's wrong, kid?" he drawled, and I exhaled sharply.

"Don't wanna fucking talk about it, Jazz," I spat. I could feel the redness, the anger in my face as I fished my keys out of my pocket. I could feel the adrenaline underneath my skin; my insides were practically fucking shaking.

"Edward, you look like you could kill someone." Rational; Jasper was always rational, and he always knew me too well. He was someone I could talk to, confide in, and out of all of the people closest to me, Jasper was probably the only one I could safely explain all of this to right now.

But I couldn't do it there. I couldn't stand there in the school lot and have a fucking breakdown over this girl—this girl who I couldn't explain anything to and anything about. I didn't give a flying fuck about her, yet she was the only thing on my mind, and had been there for days. Today had just taken me right through the ringer.

She didn't know; Bella didn't fucking know how I'd been haunted by her all weekend, how much she'd effected me. She didn't know that I was missing 48 hours of sleep and she didn't know that there was nothing that could make her go away. Bella didn't know that when she left me in the middle of the cafeteria in front of everyone like the piece of shit I am, that I could fucking care less what anyone had to say about me; what I couldn't comprehend was _why_ she couldn't stand to be in my presence for more than just a few seconds. There was nothing so horrible that I'd done to her to elicit that type of hatred, that kind of reaction; well, except maybe the condescending remarks about what she was wearing. Either way, Edward Cullen wasn't someone who didn't get answers.

I had felt defeated, and defeat was something familiar to me. I saw the hatred in her eyes and it was passionate. She ran off as fast as she possibly could. It wasn't even about _her_ in particular, or the fact that she obviously didn't want to know me. She was just another reminder in my life that I was useless.

_No one wants to be around you, dick._

It was just like the other night, when Emmett pulled out of the '_dynamic duo'_ trip we had going—that he wouldn't be messing around with me and my stunts. Like when Rose stood up to defend him, and when Alice brought everyone to babysit me. They all knew it, and I was too far gone to fucking see it; I was dangerous, and they all wanted out to protect themselves. And they _knew_ me—lived with me, made memories with me…shared the same fucking blood with me. People who had shared my entire life didn't want in. Why would Bella?

And just like that I fucking snapped. My blood boiled, though I was already furious, recalling the latest turn of events.

She came in as an outsider and already saw that I was no good.

_People could take one look at you and throw you away like the piece of shit you are._

_Not good._

_Not good enough._

_No one wants you._

_Unwanted. _

_From the very beginning…unwanted._

_Why the fuck are you still around? _

Done. I was done. My mind was spinning and I felt actually fucking nauseous. Stinging, my eyes were burning. I was spitting, I didn't realize I was breathing that heavily, and the alarm on Jasper and Alice's face was apparent.

"Hey, Eddie…Edward, what's wrong?!" Jasper shook me, supporting me under my arm, though it never let me appear weak. "Edward you're fucking shaking…"

"Jazz, help him!" Alice cried in a whisper, and I could see the worry lines around her eyes—God, she looked just like my fucking father.

"I'm getting him you of here. Edward, come on." Tossing his keys to Alice, Jasper had already mapped out our plan of escape. "Alice, drive my car back to your house. I'll take Edward. Go—now. Don't make a scene; we already have somewhat of an audience."

She'd nodded, stealthily climbing into his Mercedes when Jasper had snatched my keys. I took an intake of breath, cold Forks air, and I threw myself into the passenger seat of my car. Jasper backed out and was driving on the 101 almost instantly.

It was stone cold silent. Slouched in my seat I caught Alice following us in the side-view mirror.

"Edward…" Jasper broke the silence. "What happened back there?" His voice was cool and calm, soothing me. Almost a false sense, because I knew once he left I wouldn't feel so serene, I felt it all the same. Jasper had that way about him, like there was always an answer, a way out of whatever mess you'd landed yourself in.

I took a sideways glance. Jasper's eyes were trained on the road ahead, his pale face concentrated. His ashen blonde and brown hair was matted in his typical curl and his ice blue eyes matched his zip up sweater, tight fitted over his white button down shirt. He was proper, a perfect gentleman; clean-cut and well-refined. I saw in that one moment how much of opposites we really were, but laughed inwardly about how close we were as friends.

He chose to look at me then, the car rolling to a stop at the red light. Lips in a tight worried line, he didn't speak. Jasper knew that I would empty out and tell him everything, but I had to gain my bearings on what it was that I needed to let out, first.

Exhaling sharply, I covered my mouth lightly with the back of my fingers, emptily focusing forward on the road.

Empty. It was exactly how I felt. And I didn't know _why_.

No; I did know why.

Because, more than it should, Bella's rejection was eating me alive.

"I don't know where to start. It's so fucking complicated, Jazz, and it's only two days in…"

"Two days into what?" he asked, accelerating out of the stop sign. "I'm sorry, I'm not understanding you."

Always so simple; Jasper was uncomplicated.

"You know I met a girl at the party…" Jasper took in my words, still not saying a word. "And she was hot as fuck, Jazz…banging body…just…beautiful."

Jasper turned his head. "I'm sorry, did you describe her as 'beautiful'? "

"Yeah," I defended. "Why?"

"No reason," he smirked. "Please, continue…"

"Jazz she was with me all weekend." I saw his eyebrow arch quizzically. "No, no, not like physically with me, but like, she was there. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I practically molested my self to the point where I could probably be arrested—but she didn't go away…"

"Even after you 'cleansed'?" Jasper knew my process all too well; it was second nature how we knew each others styles.

"That's the fucking thing, Jazz," I bellowed, sitting upright. I slammed my hand against the dashboard. "She wouldn't fucking go _away!_ And I didn't sleep, Jazz. All motherfucking weekend; it was like I was tortured. My dick is raw. I can't even fucking look at it because it's afraid of another beating!"

Jasper sighed heavily. "Who is she?"

"I don't think you want to know."

Silence. "If we're talking about the scene in the cafeteria, Edward, then I already do."

More silence. "I didn't know it was her, Jasper," I whispered, solemn. "I didn't know."

"Edward," he beckoned as we turned into the long driveway of my house, "you need to stay away."

"I can't."

"No, you _have_ to," Jasper insisted, sincerity in his eyes.

"No, you don't _understand_. I fucking _can't_," I yelled, smashing my fist against the dashboard for a second time. I felt it again, that wave of constriction in my chest and trembling in my hands. I felt the wideness of my eyes, and the stinging again—the burning in the backs of my eyeballs.

"Why?"

The dam burst.

"Don't you think if it was that fucking easy I'd have done it already? I can't! I have _class_ with her. I'm her fucking lab partner, for Christ's sake!

"I just wanted to talk to her again. Just…talk. She'd been in my head all fucking weekend. But then she goes and does something to…_hook_ me. Like today, I wanted to be an asshole so she would never talk to me again, because I don't _want_ to _think about her anymore_—she's no one to me! But she had to…I don't know…she _looked_ at me, Jazz. That's it. And I couldn't _move_."

We'd pulled to a stop in the garage. Jasper turned the car off and turned in his seat to face me. "And that's why you're so upset?" Jasper asked, doubt in his voice. He knew there was more.

"Biology was the worst," I slumped back in the chair. I lifted the handle on the side and the straight back leaned with a thud, allowing me to practically lie down. My long hands covered my face. "Molina told her I was her lab partner and she practically threw her fucking guts up. She wants nothing to do with me."

"Edward, her father is—"

"I know who her fucking father is," I spat. "The fucking prick-bastard tortures my life. He's got me here, Jazz," as I tapped the tip of my nose. "Right here. One more wrong move and he fucks me, royally."

"Given that you've admitted that you know the deciding factors here…the answer is clear, Edward.

"But that's her father! What the fuck does her father have to do with her? They're not the same person, she just moved here now. I've never seen her before, so, really, how much of a father could he be?"

"It doesn't matter what kind of father he is, Edward. Only that he's her father."

"Yeah, but Jasper, she _fights_ with me."

"She…fights with _you_…Oh, that's rich, Edward," Jasper laughed.

"Ok, laugh, asshole, but I know what I'm saying. She picks fights. She challenges me…like she pushes these buttons—my fucking buttons—to push me away."

"Like…" Jasper goaded.

"Ok, as soon as the experiment started, right? She jumps down my throat…some shit about a work relationship because she has nothing to talk to me about."

"And what's wrong with that? That's reasonable, considering she knows about your troublesome nature."

"What's wrong with that is that she's bipolar. One minute she's a raging bitch and the next she's complimenting me for being polite. And she goes back and forth…'your manners are nice, Edward', 'that answer isn't right Edward, because you're a delinquent who doesn't come to school'…'there's one more slide Edward'." I replayed, mocking her sweet voice. "And then she fucking _cried_…"

"Whoa, whoa—stop right there. She _cried_? You made her _cry_?" Jasper was beyond shocked, to say the least.

I looked up at the gray material covered ceiling. "Yes." It was hard for me to admit that now, because even then, as I'd made her cry in the classroom, I'd felt panicky and ashamed that I'd managed such a thing. "I didn't mean to." I whispered, thinking back again to her blushing face, the pain in her eyes as they became increasingly red and watery. "She was coming off so tough, it was the last thing I thought she would do…"

"Jesus, Edward…what happened then?"

"She ran out of the room. And I followed her, because…who knows why, I just had to. I felt bad. I didn't—"

"I know…you didn't mean to. Was she still crying? Was she angry?"

"Nah, not angry. She was crying more. She was apologizing to _me_, like it was her fault. It wasn't, though." I looked up and over to Jasper, sincerely. "It was _my_ fault, and I'm standing there for the first time in my life sincerely apologizing for hurting her and she wouldn't accept my apology! She blamed herself…that _she_ goaded _me_…

"I didn't know what I was doing. She was just…leaning there, crying but she was so pretty. And her cheek was all wet and she wouldn't look at me so I leaned her face up to mine—because why should she be crying, because of me?—and I knew I had to get the fuck out of there. That's dangerous, man. I'm doing gay shit and thinking gay things with her.

"So she started fighting with me. Honestly, I yelled at her because she fucks with my head. She flipped."

"Edward, why would you tell her she fucks with your head?" Jasper asked with narrowed eyes.

"So she would keep the fuck off! I told her that, too; to stay away from me. And then I told her she was batshit…" I confessed, my voice lowering as I stared upwards again. I kept seeing her standing there, hurting, the anger bubbling out of her. "She said it…said I wanted to use her for revenge against her father…"

"Oh, shit…" Jasper's eyes widened. "God, what a mess," he shook his head.

"I don't."

"What'd you say, Edward?"

"I said," looking into Jasper's eyes, the pain in my chest returning, "I don't. I never wanted revenge.

"I didn't know she was Charlie's daughter, and I couldn't get her out of my head. Now that I know who she is—what does that change? She's the same girl, the same one who taunts me, it's just that—"

"That nothing can happen between you two, Edward."

My mouth went dry. I didn't need to say anything to Jasper—he'd already known how I felt. One look at me and he blew out his breath and shook his head at me. Wide, unconvincing eyes stared back.

I looked away. "Who said anything about starting something?"

Jasper laughed to himself, the smile remaining. "You don't see that you're attracted to her?"

"Of course I am. But other than that she's fucking rancid. But she's not really, because it's all a tough act. Like, deep down she's nice. Accepting. I met _that_ Bella on Saturday, all smiling and loving. But she's got this side to her where she gets defensive. And you can see it. Like—you'll be looking at her, right, and she's laughing. And then you'll curse. And because she hates cursing, her eyes will tighten up and she'll get all…_mad_. And BAM; a different Bella."

"And why do you know that?"

_Huh?_

Jasper had dumbfounded me with his question, and though I opened my mouth to answer, I couldn't. I laid there with my mouth open.

_Why do you know that? _

"This is dangerous, Edward. It's something you're not used to. It's called attraction."

"What the fuck are you saying, Jazz? I've been attracted to women all my life. I've been with more women than you—the master of sex."

"No need to get nasty, Edward. I'm trying to help you. I know it's not what you want to hear, but Alice is all there is for me. She's enough for me—for forever. But that's beside the point I'm trying to make here.

"Look—all of your life you've been seeing these girls—using them for physical pleasure, and not once have you had strings attached, am I correct?"

"Of course. Too messy."

"Edward, you've never had a girlfriend."

His words cut through me like a knife. Sure, I've had women. I've had every girl around this decrepit town to fit my needs and satisfy me. But not once have I ever had someone to go to. Not once have I ever cared enough to want someone steady. I'd never had the desire to keep one of the sluts I kept around, looking at each for their attributes; Lauren gave the best head, while Tanya was the best fuck. I'd never had a desire to go to any of them for a particular reason except to satisfy my need. More like…I was in the mood for quality head, so I would call Lauren. And even still, I rarely went back for seconds.

I'd never chosen to rely on one soul. Not ever.

But that didn't mean I had ever wanted to.

"There's only so much you can fight, Edward," Jasper spoke softly, pulling myself out of my thoughts. "Right now—this non-committal, going from girl to girl thing; not giving a fuck is only hurting you. You're denying yourself what is natural. You're meant to be with one person. And it's going to happen. I'm not saying now, but five, ten, hell, fifteen years down the road…are you going to be happy going from faceless fuck to faceless fuck?

"You haven't cared about one individual in your whole life. Maybe now that's changing…maybe this is good…maybe you're…waking up; realizing."

"Realizing what? What are you saying? That I like Bella? Yes, I'll admit she's hot, but there's nothing more than that. It's too complicated already. That should be decision enough…"

"You do this a lot, don't you? Lie to yourself…"

"What the fuck do I have to lie to myself for?"

"You're lying right now. Or maybe not. Maybe you really don't see it."

"See what, Jazz?" He had my head in circles.

"I've listened to every word you've said to me—non judgmental, might I add—and have offered you advice. Have I not?"

"No, you have."

"Ok. Well, in explaining to me what you don't understand, you've said some things that struck me. For one, in describing Bella, you told me she was beautiful."

"No, no. I said she was hot as fuck."

"Yes, you did. And then you said she was beautiful. And later, you said you couldn't help her stop crying; that she shouldn't be crying because she was 'pretty'."

_Fuck. _

"That doesn't mean anything, Jasper."

"Au contraire, I believe it does. Also…Edward, if she fucks with your head as much as she does, pushing your buttons to aggravate you, why do you keep trying to talk to her? Why bother getting her attention? If she irks you, then it shouldn't be a problem. Why are you so concerned with what Bella thinks about you?"

I didn't fucking know.

_Because you're not used to girls turning you down. Defend yourself, idiot._

_Because she's new and attractive and she turned you down and you were embarrassed. Lie._

_But that's not a lie. I was embarrassed. And hurt._

_You were not hurt, Edward, you don't give a fuck. Tell him…tell him…_

_Tell him what? I'd be lying. I don't know why her opinion matters so much…_

"Edward, you almost cried today."

"I DID NOT you son of a bitch!" I cried. "What are you saying? I'm a pussy?"

"No, not that you're a pussy; just that something must have hurt you bad enough. I have never seen you like that. I could be wrong, though. Might have been the anger."

"I was fucking twisted, is what it was. Furious. Still am. God, don't ever repeat that to anyone…I'll knock your fucking head open. Christ…me…crying…"

"Ok. You're furious. And the root is Bella. So why can't you stay away?"

_Why couldn't I keep the fuck away when she infuriates me? She obviously hates me, and I want to keep her away. There's my win-win. _

_So why doesn't that make me happy?_

"Edward?" Jasper asked expectantly. I was pulled from my inner struggle to answer him. I hesitated, but his eyebrows only raised further, a small smile creeping up onto his face. He was such a strategist—a conniving bastard—that he backed me up into a corner.

"I don't know, Jazz," I reluctantly admitted. "She thinks I'm using her for revenge against her father, but why would I do that? She has nothing to do with our shit. Why can't she see that I wouldn't do that?"

"She doesn't know you. How would she know that? Can she read your mind?"

_Of course not, dumbass. The answer is right there in front of you…_

"No. But now she's always gunna think that; that I tried to use her like a pawn."

"Why do you care?"

I sat silent because again, I didn't have an answer.

He nodded before looking straight ahead. "You know what you need to do then. Shit's gotta end, Edward. Pull your shit together."

"Wait…what are you saying? I don't want Bella."

"Sure you don't," he laughed before growing quiet. "It's almost the end of March, you know. About a month and a half until graduation."

"I know. So soon," I coughed, detached. I sat upright, straightening the chair back again, contemplative and silent. I applied to a few colleges, not really knowing what I wanted or where I wanted to go. I applied just to apply.

"I'm going to NYU in the fall, Edward. You know Alice is going, too."

"Yeah, I do."

"So is Rose."

"You—get the fuck out…" I gasped, not realizing how soon we'd be splitting up.

"Yeah. Emmett…he's been talking about…you know…" Jasper goaded, like I would know what he was saying. And then it clicked.

_Rose is going to NYU…_

'_I'm gunna be 20 years old, man. I'll settle down with Rose, you know. We've been steady for a few months so…' _ I heard Emmett repeat in my head from just last Thursday night, at the station. He'd been contemplating it. Planning. They all knew what was coming.

"I'm gonna be alone…all of you…" I whispered, the crushing feeling in my chest painful. I was used to being alone for a few hours here and there; the occasional day of isolation. But what Jasper was describing was isolation from my family. They were all moving to the other side of the country.

_No, Edward. We're not splitting up. They're all going together…they're leaving you behind…_

"Why, Jazz?"

"Why what, Edward? It was inevitable that's we'd all graduate. I'm going pre-med in the psychology department. Alice is going to Tisch for fashion design. Rose, well she's still undecided, but either accounting or—"

"That's not what I meant. Why bring this up now when it has nothing to do with the conversation."

Jasper was quiet before he pulled the keys out of the already closed ignition and getting out of the car. I followed suit, trying to see my way through the haze of Jasper's cryptic message. We walked around to the front of the car, Jasper handing me my keys.

Clapping his hand on my shoulder, he sighed. "I love you like a brother. No homo," he laughed. "But you need to grow up. Life…it's now. Not tomorrow or the day after. Because by the time you get to that point, you'll want yesterday back."

The squeak of the garage door made us both look up, Alice meekly and quietly walking through and over to Jasper. She hugged him around his middle, that tiny little pixie, and he laid a soft kiss in her hair.

"You ok, Edward?" Alice asked genuinely.

I stared forward, emotionally drained, and I could almost feel myself conveying that to her.

"Edward's gunna be fine," Jasper drawled, leading Alice toward the door as I sat back on the hood of my car, swinging my keys in my hand. "I know you, Edward. You're all cerebral," Jasper called from the doorway. I looked up. "You're a thinker; you analyze. I left you a little disheveled, but think…I promise you…I left you with an answer. Nothing I told you today was said just to be said."

"Yeah. Thanks. I mean it." I really did.

"You're welcome," Jasper nodded, entering the house with Alice.

_This was going to be another long night…_

* * *

Aww poor Eddie. He's going through a rough time understanding all of this. Please read and review!!!

Until next time,

Be Safe,

Alyssa Cullen


	8. Chapter 7: Adam, Eve, and All That Shit

*sheepishly enters* Uhm Hello. I'm alive. Ha. Not that that's funny because there's a boatload of you that are FUMING at me.

I bring you a sacrifice of a new CH. 8 is coming soon. Like...this month, first week of November soon. Have a tiny bit of faith, though I don't deserve it.

I ADVISE STRONGLY at this point to go back and re-read a little bit. This CH is kinda heavy. Like, masochist Edward heavy.

We pick up with masochist Badassward not so badass, then go into a little Emo-ella Swan.

And I love me some masochist Badassward.

Things I own: fuzzy new zebra ugg-like slippers with pink fur trim and fuzzy hanging pom poms.

SM owns all the rest

Chapter 7 – Adam, Eve and All That Shit

EPOV

"_You don't see that you're attracted to Bella?"_

Of course I am…it's just that I don't fucking want to be.

"_You have to stay away, Edward."_

I can't. I just fucking can't.

_Why? _

I don't fucking know. I wish I did.

_You just have to._

Not that fucking easy. She haunts me.

I was caught in the middle of an internal, mental banter for hours, trying desperately to answer Jasper's questions in a different way. I wanted to come up with any other decent response, because whatever I said hadn't convinced him yet. Fuck, I hadn't even convinced myself. I had no idea what I was saying anymore. One thing had nothing to do with the other. I only answered questions with questions.

I threw my arm over my pillow and closed my eyes again. My head was starting to hurt from the fucking tension of trying to work out the puzzle that was Bella Swan.

_If I have an aneurism over Bella—obviously a stress related death—could we sue?_

_You are a fucking idiot. Why don't you stop and focus on what's important, like your fucking life in shambles!_

I exhaled sharply through my nose.

_One at a time, Edward. Jasper said you'd find the answer._

_Focus…focus._

The thing was, no matter how hard I focused, I was confused as shit with what Jasper had said. He'd told me he left me with the answer, that all I had to do was think and I'd understand. But there was no answer. He'd told me to stay away from Bella, because we could never be anything because of her father, that this situation was dangerous. I got that part on my own.

"_You know what you need to do then. Shit's gotta end, Edward. Pull your shit together."_

It was the seed he'd planted, right in the back of my brain, and the more I thought about it, the more something grew; little sprouts of a life that I could have. A life with Bella.

_You do understand that you'd have to be monogamous. She's not the kind of girl you cheat on._

_And stop being an asshole. That's just for starters. _

_That's also assuming she'd be willing to have you…_

Whoa, whoa, whoa; don't you think we're jumping the gun here?

"_Edward, you've never had a girlfriend."_

I'd never thought about having a steady girl before Jasper mentioned it. It was something that had never sunk into my mind, because I was always all too content to be on my own. Using people, being with women for a few hours and then walking away…faceless; how long could that really last?

"_Five, ten, hell, fifteen years down the road…are you going to be happy going from faceless fuck to faceless fuck?"_

Five years from now I'd be 22, and a college graduate. I mean, that was what college was all about, right? A little class, a little reading, parties with massive amounts of alcohol and girls who weren't serious for settling down. I would have everything I had now, on a grander scale.

Ten years from now I'd be 27. When my father was 27, Emmett was born. He was married, in med-school, with a family. He wasn't fucking around and playing games.

Fifteen years from now I'd be 32. That's how old Carlisle was when _I_ was born.

_Retrospect_. I fucking got chills.

It was out of the question that I'd follow that life. There was no way, no way in fucking hell I'd become my father, because there was not one part of me that was anything like him. Why? So I could be Daddy Dearest the Second, off to marry Mommy Dearest just like my parents? So I could go off and blow my ridiculous wealth all over the town, laughing politely with all the fucking wrinkly rich folk? Or maybe I'd follow in the fluttering social butterflies footsteps and off and knock up my wife three times—only to give the little rats that popped out after nine months everything their little hearts desired—so long as they stayed as far from me as humanly possible. Was that what I was supposed to do? Father a family I never saw, and had no intention of ever being with, ever spending time with, because me and my wife had faggoty prunes to kiss ass to and guzzle champagne with in fine evening wear.

That kind of lineage as good as died with me.

_So what are you gunna do?_

I didn't know.

If I looked at it logically—not reading into Jasper's words but turning them into my options—the pixilated blurs in my head became shadows; silhouettes from the back of my mind that I could rationalize into thoughts…answers. So what was my first option?

"_Edward…you need to stay away…"_

It was overruled before I'd even thought it through, because it was an impossibility for me. There was no way for me, with this amount of interest, this level of obsession, the total hours of self-molestation and lost sleep, that I could stay away from Bella.

_But why? Why, Edward, is it that you can't stay away?_

I didn't have a reason. There were just some things in life, I guess, that just didn't need one.

_All right, so it's obviously out of the question that Bella is out of your life; but she can't be in your life, either._

Why couldn't she be? She obviously felt comfortable around Alice and Jasper. They were all little friends in their fucking History Squad, holding hands and reading books and skipping down the fucking hallway…

_I bet if she skipped, her boobs would bounce a little…_

There was movement again in my pants, and though I groaned in frustration, I found some inert strength to ignore it.

Because just then, my biggest obstacle dawned on me.

_It's not that she won't fit in with YOU, asshole…just that you don't belong in her world! Why, and how, would you fit there, when her father is Chief Swan?_

But what did that matter? I'd remembered arguing this exact thing with Jazz this afternoon. He wasn't around. Charlie wasn't someone paternal, loving and joking father. Not that I knew him at all, but from the way he constantly was scowling and looked like a fucking cow chewing on cud ninety percent of the time, he didn't seem like a warm and fuzzy dad.

Besides. I wasn't after _Charlie._ I was after _Bella. _

_"It doesn't matter what kind of father he is, Edward. Only that he's her father."_

Could she look past that? Was her loyalty to her father so strong that she'd never even pay mind to me?

_Who are you fucking kidding, Edward? Her father. Chief of Police. Handcuffs. You. Criminal Records…_

Not enough to put me away…

_Felonies. Misdemeanors. _

_Edward…he'd never let you in the house._

And that'll be fucking fine, because who wanted to be in his shithole house? Bella has two legs. She could come outside.

_And when you have to drop her off at night?_

_Pick her up for a date?_

_Take her to the prom? What are you gunna do, dick? Wait in the car? Hold the horn until she hears it and comes out?_

_Would he let her out, knowing it was you? Recognizing your car?_

No.

But did he have to know?

The issue with Charlie was escalating, and quickly, because as my stomach knotted I knew that was our real problem. My problem; because even if I could convince Bella to come my way, what good would it be if her father wouldn't let us be?

_No good, because you're the one who'll be hurt._

_Since when do I fucking care about being hurt?_

I realized then and there the answer was now. _Now_ I cared about getting hurt, even though I wasn't entirely sure how that would happen, and to what degree. It would make a difference if I got my ass beat by Charlie and it would make a difference if Bella blew me off. Because, for some unexplainable and completely unreasonable notion, Bella mattered in a way no one else did.

_Dangerous. This girl was fatal._

The fruit of temptation. Eve had gotten both she and Adam kicked out of paradise. So what damage would Bella wreck on me?

_"This is dangerous, Edward. It's something you're not used to. It's called attraction."_

And I knew that it was. I could feel it inside of me, the queasy, indecisiveness that I lived with. Jasper was sure, but I was positive, utterly wracked by the danger of what was happening because I _didn't know_. My chest clutched in the same response of unknowing, and my realizing that the panic was setting in made it worse.

I couldn't identify with these feelings. I wasn't used to this, used to the addiction of her presence or of the need to be around her. And, really, what guy walked around the fucking local high school all bent up and fucking nervous about a girl?

_Pussies. Pussy losers who didn't know a boob from their elbows walked around like this. _

_Is that what you've become? Edward Cullen amongst the likes of Newton and Yorkie? Stammering, stuttering and sweating just to ask a girl to the fucking dance?_

My mouth went as dry as the Sahara.

Was I? Had I become just like them?

_Dude, you had better not. End of the road for you._

No, I didn't have that problem. I didn't feel anything walking across the cafeteria to Newton's table. A table, might I add, that I only go in a 5 foot radius of because Bella just happens to have made some handicapped alliances with this squad of useless mind-fuckers. Aside from my lunch being vomited up in my throat from being around their sorry asses, I felt nothing.

_Nothing except acid burning a hole in your stomach…_

_Attraction._

_Danger._

It was unchartered territory for me. Bella was a whole new attraction for me, an attraction of mind and body. Right there was where waters got murky and decisions were made in haste. Because, as Jazz had said, this was attraction, and attraction to this kind of girl was the kind of thing that destroyed guys like me.

_Guys like me…_

It struck a chord. Angry, screeching and halting, it struck a chord. And just like that I began to think about it; what this meant to a 'guy like me'. And the more I thought about it, the more it sank in. Because it wasn't about _her_ so much as it was about _me_.

Jasper…Jazz had tried desperately to show me this afternoon; he'd asked me why it mattered to _me_, why Bella had affected _me_ so much.

Because, as much as I tried to put this shit on Bella, blame her, chastise her, hate _her_, she wasn't the root of the problem.

The problem was with me.

"_Edward, you've never had a girlfriend."_

"_Why are you so concerned with what Bella thinks about you?"_

"_You made her cry?"_

"_Edward…"_

"_You…"_

Me. It was _me_.

It was me who was flawed.

It was me who was brash, painful and a dick.

It was me who had fucked the possibilities up before they started, because I was the one who had delinquent behavior.

I was the one who had the hang-ups, and I was the one who walked around not giving a fuck. Edward Cullen was the guy who had parents who resented him and a family who watched his every move. Edward was the one whose friends set up interventions like they were nothing, because there was always destructive behavior to intervene on. Edward was the one who was cocky and a manwhore, and Edward was the one who had made Bella cry.

_Cry…_

"_Edward, you almost cried today."_

I squinted my eyes tight, rubbing into them with my fists. In a sick way, like a fucking kid—like an invalid—I tried to push it away…

_"Why are you so concerned with what Bella thinks about you?"_

"_Edward, you've never had a girlfriend…"_

It was repeating again and again, like Chinese water torture, dripping and dripping onto the center of my head.

_You…it's you…you're the one who's fucked up…_

_Unwanted. _

_Outcast._

_Might as well face the facts; you lie and cheat with everyone you know…_

_Push everyone away…never allow yourself to build one healthy fucking relationship…_

_You can push them away, Edward, but they'll be all right. The one who's killing himself is you…_

"_Edward, you've never had a girlfriend."_

My breaths were coming in ragged, short inhalations and my fucking chest hurt like all hell. And I knew it. Knew in that one moment what I'd been denying myself, knew what Jazz had promised me would come through…

"_You do this a lot, don't you? Lie to yourself…You're lying right now. Or maybe not. Maybe you really don't see it."_

I was lying to myself.

More importantly, and more terrifying, was the notion that I was blind to it all along; that I couldn't fucking see it.

Me. It was me. And I'd done most of it to myself.

I was the one with no capability of being relied upon. I couldn't be with one person for longer than a night and I was the one who didn't care what happened after that. I never got too close, because getting too close meant getting burned, and in the end no one gave a fuck about you but yourself.

_And, let's admit it, Edward; not even you care about yourself._

_Why should I when no one else does?_

My actions from today, and the weekend moreover, hit me hard, over and over like pelting rocks. Judged, tried and hated by many; stoned to death by myself. Clearly, painfully, everything about Bella that hurt came from behind closed lids.

I'd made her cry because I was an inconsiderate bastard who couldn't manage a conversation. I'd bit into her like acid, made her run crying from the room. I'd made her cry because I couldn't accept that her opinion of me mattered more than my own did…

I was so concerned with what Bella thought about me because she was everything I wasn't. She was bright and smart and innocent and pure. She was soft spoken and humble and caring. Bella was delicate and simple; uncomplicated. Bella had a family who loved her—loved her to death and then some—and a father who, though I hated the man thoroughly, fought to have his little girl home after all those years. Bella had a home where people appreciated her and loved her. She was the kind of girl who went home to a loving parent, someone who was interested in her day, who wanted to know about _her_. Bella ate and laughed and bonded with her father. She was around people who wanted her to be around, who she could depend on. Who she had actual relationships with.

Bella had a happy life. Hell, Bella had a perfect life.

And her opinion mattered more because of her perfection. Because I was never good enough for those happy, perfect people; for my happy, perfect parents. Because the rejection of just _one _more happy, perfect person would be the final nail in my coffin.

_When would I be that happy, perfect person?_

_At this rate, Ed? Never…_

Stalemate. Letting that come to a head, unleashing the pain of never being good enough drained me of whatever strength I had in me. I lay in bed, the hard line of my jaw clenched just to hold myself together. I embraced the very last, most important facet of my problem.

_"But you need to grow up. Life…it's now. Not tomorrow or the day after. Because by the time you get to that point, you'll want yesterday back."_

I needed to grow up. I did. I needed to be different and shape my life, now. It was a hard truth, finally knowing that the problem was _me_. Questions and answers, answers with more questions. With questions came the opening and closing doors.

Only one more problem was left.

What was I going to do about it?

There wasn't that much to think about. I was going to get Bella. Charlie, I'd worry about when he became a problem. The focus now was Bella and myself.

I hastily swung my left arm up, the minimal force pushing the lever on my car that turned the little green blinking light on in my Volvo to signal to the rest of the useless Forks drivers that I was making a right into the Forks High School parking lot.

_Godammit, that ticking is driving me up the fucking wall…_

I couldn't say that I was in a patient mood. After the epiphany of a lifetime, I had barely slept the night before. I'd woken up, pulled on my beaten up white, vee necked tee and donned my leather jacket. The sun wasn't out—another typical day in Shitsville, but I had my black Ray Bans on. If I was being honest, which I really should have been since this whole "better Edward" bullshit, I'd have admitted to myself that I only wore them to cover up the bags under my eyes.

_Bags under my fucking eyes. Jesus Christ, the apocalypse is on its way when Edward Cullen is losing sleep over a broad._

_If it's this bad for YOU, there's not a shot in hell for the rest of these douchewads. _

Pulling into the spot I'd always parked in, sandwiching Jasper's Mercedes between Rose's BMW and my Volvo, I grunted. For starters, I was in no mood for this shit. It didn't make my day any better that hunk-of-shit-mobile, the beat up red truck from yesterday, was parked to my right.

Peachy fucking keen.

Killing the ignition I stumbled my way out of the car, leaning my back against the driver's side door. Right before me was Jazz and Alice, both leaning against the black Mercedes, playing kissy-goo-goo hour, nauseating the entire student population.

"It's way, way too early for me to stomach your happiness," I complained, spitting onto the asphalt beside me.

"Oh, shut up," my sister jokingly chided, disentwining herself from Jasper's grasp to nudge me in the ribs. "Someone's a little cranky this morning."

I rolled my eyes and tossed my head. "Someone's a little too fucking cheerful."

"I have every right to be," Alice smiled her 100 watt smile. "You know, the sun's not out, Edward. Maybe if you took off your sunglasses everything wouldn't seem so grim."

Exasperated, I looked to Jazz for help. I just didn't have the energy to deal with my Duracell battery of a sister.

"All right, all right, Ally; give the kid a break, will you?" Jasper mocked, pushing my sister lightly away. "I'll see you in History. Let me bond with Eddie." Clapping my back twice, he kissed my sister on the lips before walking with me in the opposite direction, towards our homeroom. "You look handsome today, Edward." I chanced a glance at Jasper, whose lips were in a tight line to keep from erupting into laughter. "Certainly up for the par. Sleep ok last night?"

I cocked an eyebrow at him and looked forward again, slowing my pace as he chuckled. "Really fucking funny, prick. I didn't sleep all night, thanks to you."

"And?"

"And what?" I shouted, appalled. My hands were dug into my front pockets and I stopped short outside of the building. "No, really, Jazz, 'and' what?"

"I simply meant to ask and…what was the outcome? I told you that I'd left you with answers, though they didn't seem clear."

"Yeah, about that; next time you wanna go all fucking cryptic, do it on a Friday night."

"And ruin your weekend? Now why would I do that?" Jasper smiled, leaning his back against the building. "No, the school week is for thinking…"

"Asshole," I interrupted his playful laugh, "you wanna hear or no?"

"Let it out." His expression serious and concentrated, it was as if he could feel my inner turmoil, knew how big of a deal this was for me.

"It's me," I started, simply, and I saw Jazz's eyes knit with confusion. "I thought about everything you said. Every last thing. And they all point to the problem; and the problem is me."

"Go on," he goaded after a loaded moment.

I smiled, signature and crooked; I grinned to myself. "How did you so eloquently put it? That's right…'shit's gotta end, Edward.'"

"No…you can't be serious."

"Dead ass."

"Incredible. I presented you with so many options…so many loopholes, and in the end, you still chose her…"

"Wait, what?" It was impossible. I'd lost hours of sleep, days off my life over this decision, and the only clear path was that I was the problem, that I had to change for Bella. What other option did he see? "You said it yourself. Shit's gotta end…that I'd never had a girlfriend."

"Yes, but that means a lot of things, Edward. Not only Bella. That meant straighten out, because you have to go to college. It meant stop getting arrested. It meant enough with the manic depressive crap. And as for the never having had a girlfriend thing—"

"Hey, lower your fucking voice," I spat. "There are people here. They can hear you. Somebody might get the wrong idea."

"Fine. But the whole 'girlfriend' comment was meant to prove to you that you're not ready for that. Not right now. It was to get the gears going, to build a better Edward, for later."

"What's not to be ready for? So, you have a girlfriend. You take 'em out on dates and you have regular sex. It's just like what I'm doing, just with one person instead of nine."

"You would say that, wouldn't you?" The bell chose that moment to ring, and we walked, whispering quietly up to the third floor to sneak into homeroom, to the two seats in the very back. "It's not like that. It's not that simple. You have to be monogamous."

"Obviously," I spat. It was like he had me for half a retard.

"It's about taking her needs before your own."

"I don't know about you, Jazz, but my policy has always been 'ladies first'," I winked, devilishly.

"I don't mean in bed, Asshole. I meant caring about her. Wanting her to be happy, and doing anything to give her that happiness. It about the little considerations, listening to her hopes, her dreams, her fears."

"Listen," I sighed, taking the stairwell two steps at a time. I'd had enough of him telling me what I didn't know. Everyone was a fucking boyfriend, every last little prick. If they could do it, I sure as hell could. "I want her. And I get what I want. Case closed."

"How?"

"What?" I stopped on the landing, pulling my glasses off my eyes.

"How? How are you going to get her?"

"What the fuck do I know? I'll think of something."

We slid into homeroom then, into the two back chairs just after my name was called. I nodded to Mr. Berty, the English teacher, before plopping down next to Jazz.

"All I'm saying," Jasper whispered as to not call attention to us or our conversation, "is that you better know how to do this."

The PA system blaring the pledge of allegiance and daily announcements, I shrunk within myself to an inner monologue, much like I went through last night.

I'd come to the conclusion somewhere around 2 am that the problem was me, and that I had to change. Fine. I also knew our only obstacle was Charlie, but that was something I'd deal with when—if—he became a problem; if Bella accepted me into her life.

But how was I going to get to that point if she hated my fucking guts?

_Here's an idea, Asshole. How about when you see her in biology today, you act like a normal human being?_

_Ok, but what if she's an annoying little stuck up bitch?_

_Then you charm her out of being one. You did a hell of a job the night of the party…_

An image of Bella in that sapphire blue dress took over me, inhabited my brain. She was sweet and welcoming. Then again, I wasn't an asshole. I wasn't making condescending remarks or putting her down. And I sure as hell wasn't making her cry.

I shuddered.

_Game plan; stop being a dick, and we'll see what happens. _

I had it in me. I had to have it in me, because quite honestly, what I didn't have in me was to watch her with other guys, see her with other people and be around her while she hated me. I wouldn't be able to survive coming to this shithole every day, not sleeping at night and having her control me when she played so little a role in my waking life. I was going to have to try…

_Try, Edward. Try very, very hard._

"And this message goes out to the seniors," the PA interrupted my inner battle. "Mr. Molina is attending the annual Science Teacher's conference." My blood ran ice cold in my veins.

_No…no, no, no…_

"There will be no biology classes this week."

_Fuck my life._

It was positive torture making it through the rest of Tuesday. Like someone had tweezers and was plucking my fucking eyelashes from my eyelids. It was like walking around—awake, but not really; like I was going through the motions to get to the end of the day.

_I don't know what you're waiting for. Molina's not here. There's no biology…_

_There's no Bella today…_

_It's a small school…she's in here, somewhere._

I realized how true that was around a quarter to ten.

I stumbled groggily out of my French class that I'd slept through, a complete waste of an hour of a language I'd never use. Headed for study hour, another guaranteed span of uninterrupted sleep, something caught the corner of my eye. Some people, rather.

Two doors down, standing outside of the history room were Alice and Jasper, blocking someone else from my view.

Bella.

Alice chirped away, talking a mile a minute to Bella, laughing and animatedly waving her hands, while Jasper stood uninterested. He looked like he was just about ready to pull his eyes out, though he smiled and nodded politely. I chuckled internally. He was so far gone; whipped beyond imagination.

When our eyes met, Jasper nodded seriously, jutting his head in Bella's directions.

_Here's your chance_, his eyes read. _She's right here. We're all here_.

Hands in pocket and looking like a cocky asshole, I grinned and started walking in their direction. Jasper's eyes on me widened, shaking his head.

_No_, his eyes screamed. _Not like that. Change…shit's gotta end…_

I stopped short. He was right. Different. Not like I used to be.

Slowly, I started walking toward them. Normally. I felt a little out of place, out of my element just casually and calmly approaching them. And I knew why; it wasn't the way I was. I wasn't the guy who, as much as I chose to deny it, casually strode up to friends, eager to approach the girl who destroyed my peace.

_Eager…you're such an asshole. You're eager to see Bella._

_Faggot. Why don't you just smile like a douchebag when you get there? Stick you hand out and say 'Bella! How great to see you! I believe we've met before…_'

Jasper was smiling subtly now, nodding his head in concession that whatever I was doing was right. A part of me was glad someone thought so, because my insides were positively shaking.

I could see Bella right there, see her shrugging her heavy backpack against her shoulder. She was smiling at whatever Alice was saying, amused by the pixie's energy. Her long brown hair was loosely tied into a ponytail at the base of her neck, loose curls toppling over her free shoulder. Pale perfect skin was, again, barren of makeup, but the dark curve of her eyelashes accentuated Bella's almond eyes. Dressed simply, she wore a gray, black and white plaid shirt, fitted over a black tank above dark navy jeans that led to black and white Chuck's.

_Dear Saint Jesus, we wear the same shoes._

_See, that would sound like a 'thank you' to the heavens, if only Jesus were a saint…_

_Whatever. She just got that much better. _

In a split second I saw it all laid out. How I'd go over and slap Jasper on the back, greet everyone and smile just at Bella.

_Oh, right, because that's normal. She's really going to go for the creepy asshole that finds her in the hallway and smiles at her._

_Then what am I supposed to say? Hey guys! Let's pal around in the hallway?_

_What's up? Hey, Bella?_

_Yeah…yeah that works. And jut your chin in her direction._

_And smile. Not like a pedophile. _

By the time I worked it all out in my head, Alice had linked her arm through Bella's and was pulling her down the hallway, skipping like she was fucking five.

My blood boiled, rage gripping me. I was there…right there, and little Alice and her shopping fantasies ripped it from my hands.

_Uhm, hello? Saint Baby Jesus? We're not that well acquainted, but I'm the dipshit who just thanked you for the fuckhot girl in Chucks. Want a heads up? I'm going to kill my sister Alice. I'm just sayin', so when you and your papa-dukes judge me, you can at least say 'well, shit; he really did it; he just off and suffocated his sister with a pillow.'_

Jazz walked up to me, sheepish apologetic and rubbing the back of his neck. He sighed, coming to stand beside me while I stood rooted to the linoleum floor, rolling my eyes to meet Jazz's. I was beyond annoyed, and if my taught neck and tight lined lips wasn't any signal, my clenching fist was.

"Sorry about that," Jasper drawled. "You know there's no stopping Alice once she's started."

_Yeah…a lot like me…_

"Just come on, I need to sleep." I angrily started down the hall, making the familiar left turn that took me to study hall, Jasper's pace matching mine.

"Don't you have study hour?"

"Yup." I answered shortly.

"But you said you needed to sleep…"

Why was this kid acting so stupid today?

"Jazz," I bellowed, turning to face him. I could feel the anger rolling off of me, though Jasper was desperately trying to calm me. "What's with you? I need to fucking sleep. I'm going to study hall. Do you have anywhere else to go?"

"Just saying, Edward. You don't have to go off on me."

He was right. It wasn't his fault; it was my fucking sister and the brown eyed beauty of a witch. My anger had a place within myself, not aimed at everyone else.

_Whoa…that's a change…_

"What took you so long, anyway? I mean, all you had to do was walk over," Jasper asked, curiosity in his voice.

It was a good question.

"You should fucking know," I snapped, opening the metal school door to walk over to the library. It was starting to rain, very lightly, so we walked fast. "You're the one giving me 900 signals."

"Edward, you were barreling over like you were the shit. Cocky as all hell, and you knew it. That wouldn't have reaped the outcome you say you so desperately want."

"I know," I conceded quietly, entering the wood paneled haven of the library. I signed both of our names onto the sheet before taking the steps to the lower level two at a time.

The lower level was always quieter, was a different section completely. Upstairs were all the reading books—books assigned by classes, text books, audio tapes, computers and movies. Downstairs, in the maze of tall bookshelves were the medical books. Grey's Anatomy and psychology and law; all the books seniors who were heading toward college used. Anyone down here was serious about what they were doing, and wasn't in for the socialization upstairs offered. You came down here to think and analyze. And that's what I needed, again.

_Wait, I thought I was gunna get some sleep?_

_Yeah, uh, fuck that. You have bigger issues than 2 hours of sleep._

Wet Chuck's soaking the orange, beige and brown hued carpeting, I maneuvered my way to the far back corner, sitting at the light wood table against the red bricked wall with Jazz.

"If it's any consolation, Alice—"

"Alice," I interrupted, "needs to mind her own fucking business. And keep away from Bella. What is she doing with Bella, anyhow?"

"I mean, we do have classes with her, Edward. What's the matter with you?" Jasper was pissed, and I couldn't blame him. He had the right to defend Alice. That was his job. But the shock on his face made me feel 2 feet tall.

"You're unreasonable, you know that? You don't have any claim to Bella. None. You seem to keep forgetting that."

_I know_, I seethed inwardly. _And it burns like all hell_.

"If you'd have listened to what I have to say, you'd have thanked your sister, rather than hating her so much."

"I don't hate her." I could never hate her. Sure, she annoyed the ever living shit out of me, and of course I'd made a career out of destroying her life, but no matter what we did we were still blood. And no one turns their back on blood. "It's just…does she have to be involved in everything?"

"Again, I reiterate. You should thank Alice. She's going shopping with Bella tomorrow after school."

_What? _

"She's going shopping with Bella," I deadpanned. "Alice gets out second to last period. Senior privilege."

"And so does Bella, since Molina's class is cancelled."

The wheels began turning. I would have to be in the lot before they left. I could be there, leaning against Alice's car with Jazz, as the pretense for why I was anywhere near Alice. I would see Bella.

What was better was that Alice was reigning her in; reigning her into our circle of friends and into my life. Soon, so soon, Bella would be at my house all the time, playing my size dress up with Alice…doing homework…sleeping over…

_Oh, I have somewhere for her to sleep, all right…_

It was all falling according to plan, a plan I didn't even know I had and without my being involved. I was getting what I wanted.

_Unless you fuck it up. You tend to do that, since you yourself is fucked up…_

_No. Not happening. The problem is me, and I'm fixing it. _

"Wake me up when lunch is over, Jazz," I yawned. I was dead tired. My eyes were closed before my head hit my folded arms.

_She probably left by now. Seriously, dude, what the fuck are YOU still doing here?_

"Stupid fucking Jasper," I grumbled, fishing my keys out of my pocket. When I told Jasper to wake me up, I'd meant for him to wake me up when the lunch bell rang, not peruse the goddamned library for psychology books and lose track of time. I slept right through the bell, and woken startled at almost 1:30. I slept through half of the period Bella and I were supposed to be together in.

"How many times do I have to apologize, Edward? I lost track of time."

"I know. I know just…stop it. I wanted to catch her before she left. Whatever. I'm going home. I need food and sleep," I moaned, pressing open the automatic car locks. Sliding into the driver's seat, Jasper held the door open and leaned into the car. "And sex," I added. "Sex would be nice right about now."

"Wonderful." Jasper shook his head. "You all right to drive?"

"Sure," I yawned. "I'll BBM you when I get home," I promised, increasing the volume on my phone and pulling out of the lot.

I crashed as soon as I went home, waking up at night only to eat and go right back to my room. I set my Pepsi can down on my computer desk and peeled my shirt off, throwing it on the back of the chair before flopping into bed with my Blackberry. I had an unread BBM from twenty minutes ago.

JHale: thanks for letting me know when you got home…

ECULLEN: yeah, sorry bro. too tired to remember.

Jhale: it's fine. U OK?

ECULLEN: Of course I am. Y wouldn't I be?

Jhale: you left mad :/

ECULLEN: not ur fault. I should have woken up. Not mad U

Jhale: Good…so…tomorrow?

ECULLEN: yeah. I'm crashin again. C u tom spot. Make sure Alice brings Bella ;]

Jhale: HA rofl. U wish.

Like drips and slow drabs the day passed. I didn't see Bella in the morning, and Jasper had faced the brunt of that anger. He'd also gotten it when he came to lunch without Alice and Bella.

"What do you mean they left already? Come on, Jazz!" I'd bellowed, screamed and threw the Pepsi can across the lot.

_That little pixie had managed to escape without me seeing her…like she knew I was coming._

In an instant I was peeling out of the lot, screeching tires and all, leaving a stunned Jasper beside his car. I rolled down the window.

"You know, for someone who wants to be a psychologist and studies people and the things they do, you're a real idiot," I spat at him before speeding into the rain and home.

_Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'd do it myself…_

BPOV

By the sheer grace of God, though I'd never truly believed in Him, I managed to escape Edward.

I guess everyday has its little blessings.

Monday afternoon had nearly killed me, what with Edward's little show in the hallway, and I'd mustered up whatever resolve was left to cope.

Edward had taken off one way, and I was determined to run the opposite. I was fairly positive the way he'd gone out was the easiest route to my car, but there was no way I was following after, even though I was sure that if he'd gone to his car, he'd have been long gone by then. All I knew was that I had wanted to get out, immediately.

Before I could have second guessed myself, I'd barreled out of a side door and startled down the gravel path to the parking lot, throwing myself into the Chevy and churning down the 101 toward home. I didn't even bother to put the radio on, because I wasn't sure if I was ready to handle it. I had still been shaking from Edward.

Batshit. He'd called me batshit.

I laughed to myself, a hard, humorless laugh, though I bit my quivering lips in a desperate attempt to hold in my cry. There's no stopping the hot, wet tears.

_And how did you respond, Bella? Childishly, with misplaced anger._

My line of vision blurred from my tears, my chest tightening from the anxiety of it all, the cars driving on the other side of the street becoming splotches of color against the bleak gray and rainy day. My truck geared to the side of the road, and I put it in park, crying into my folded arms resting on the steering wheel.

It didn't take me long to realize what had pushed me over the edge. It wasn't Edward's reputation with Charlie; the fact that my father repeatedly has run ins with Edward, or the that in my anger and confusion I'd accused Edward of using me as a pawn for revenge. It wasn't even the fact that he had this streak of delinquency. Those would have been justifiable reasons to be on the side of the 101, bawling.

But that just wasn't it.

What was killing me was the fact that after being so crude, so demeaning, so…evil, and after we'd had words, Edward ran after me. He'd followed me out into the hall, and as he stood there, scared with eyes as wide as saucers, he wasn't that Edward. He wasn't the guy that everyone made him out to be. He was the Edward that I'd met this Saturday, the Edward I'd thought about all weekend. It was how he'd tried, after putting his foot in his mouth, to smooth it over, to blame himself for the horrible words I'd practically coaxed out of him. And just like that, the mirage of cool water in the desert was gone. He'd slipped right back into his stereotype, as if these two personalities were interlocking pieces, as clear as his facial expression had changed. He'd looked at me, his green eyes wide and probing—innocent, almost—the muscles of his face free of all tension, and he'd reached his hand out to touch me.

In that one, fleeting moment, I'd felt that light. That feeling that meant that despite everyone's stories and all other opinion, I was sane; that the Edward I knew was not a fabrication. No sooner did he realize in his fog what he was doing, Edward snapped, a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde deal. Immediately his brow furrowed again, the anger contorting in his face again, and he was yelling that I was batshit.

In turn, I was more hurt that I'd gotten that small glimpse of him. The bad stuff made it easier to hate him, made it effortless to make it as if he didn't matter to me. But Edward slipping into his alterior personality, the pleasant-to-be-around part of him, well…it strengthened the flame of hope I'd carried against my heart.

I didn't believe it, really. I couldn't bring myself to believe that Edward was using me for revenge. It was something I'd shouted in anger, retaliation because he was shouting at me, blaming me for the mess I'd made in his life.

I couldn't bring myself to believe I'd made that much damage in someone's life, especially the life of someone who I'd only just met.

To be honest, I was used to it. There were a lot of people's lives I'd damaged.

The plan was extremely simple; stay as far from Edward as humanly possible.

Which is precisely why the announcement that biology classes are cancelled for the week allowed me to breathe deeply for the first time in two days.

_Mr. Molina isn't in this week…_

_Mr. Molina is my biology teacher…_

_No Mr. Molina means no Biology._

_And no biology means I get to pass the week without seeing Edward._

As soon as I thought it, the notion made my chest hurt. I didn't think it would matter. I thought that removing Edward from my week would lessen the anxiety that I felt, the crippling urge to keep away from him after he'd all of snapped at me, screaming that we couldn't be friends.

"Oh my gosh, Bella! Do you know what this means?" Alice shrieked, startling me out of my thoughts. "We're going shopping tomorrow!"

"Uhm, I don't know, Alice…"

"Oh, come on! Please! We'll have so much fun! And get something to eat and we can get to know each other better! I just…I want to be your friend!"

Alice's face, pale and angelic begged me to say yes. Her wide eyes were pleading, yet all I could see was honesty and innocence; she really just wanted to hang out. I couldn't say no.

"Please, Bella?"

"Sure," I laughed. "Just be forewarned. I'm not a shopping, fashionista kind of girl."

"Not yet, at least," she smiles devilishly. "Just wait until Wednesday…"

I was lucky enough that Tuesday passed quickly. Wednesday was here before I knew it, and I'd scrounged together some money to prepare for my shopping trip with Alice. As much as I had going on around me, it couldn't erase the clutching in my chest, the jumpiness I had that somewhere, around a corner, I'd find Edward. More so, as much as I'd hate to admit it, I missed the piercing green gaze, the solid form of him, but I pushed that from my mind. Or at least I tried to; Edward was with me whether I liked it or not, because I always thought of him.

I should have known that, come Wednesday afternoon at lunch, Alice would be waiting by my car for me.

"There you are, Bella!" she cried, practically hopping up and down. "I was waiting for you! But then again I had a funny feeling you'd run a little late," she smiled, crookedly, and I lose my breath. I was reminded instantaneously of her brother, of the lopsided grin he seemed to reserve only for me.

"You'll give me directions if I drive, right?" I choked out to Alice, dragging myself away from all thought of Edward.

"Of course!"

It was quiet between us as I drove on the highway toward the mall, until I realized that Alice was on her blackberry typing away.

"Can that phone really do everything?" I asked, noticing how Alice scrolled and clicked in and out of at least a dozen things in 5 minutes. The thin phone looked big in her small hands, as he figure was slim and petite. The pale violet casing glistening, even under the rainy sky, the screen protector blurring her screen so that from where I say beside her, I couldn't see what she was doing.

"Hmm? Oh, the Blackberry Curve? I'd die without this phone," she chuckled. "It has everything. I'm sorry, I'm being rude. I'm just catching up with Jasper, and then I promise I won't talk to him until later. Let me get out this last BBM."

"Hey…it's ok. He is your boyfriend, after all," I blushed, embarrassed. I didn't want it to sound like I'd tried to comment on her. "Alice?" I started over, "where _is _Jasper? Aren't you two like…always together?"

She laughed, the high peal of her laughter lighting up her face. "So you've noticed, huh?" she grinned. I shrugged, positive that Alice would deepen the conversation. "To answer your question, he's with my brother, Edward. He's having some sort of breakdown over a girl."

The blood ran cold in my veins, the thick, pulsing liquid freezing over into pure icicles. I felt my heart pound deafening in my ears.

_Her brother's having a breakdown over a girl…_

"A…a breakdown?" I stutter, not even sure it's my own voice.

_Does she know? Does Alice know that it's over me?_

_God, Bella be realistic. It's not necessarily you…_

"Yeah!" she gasped, her voice a husky whisper. "I mean, Edward _always_ has another problem," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "But yesterday afternoon he looked like he was going to _kill _someone in the parking lot, and now today he comes in and he looks like death. And that's a problem. For Edward, that is."

_Do I play dumb? Do I admit to her that it's me?_

_Yes. Do the right thing. It'll be worse if she finds out later, after you've built a friendship._

_No. No you don't, Bella, because you're not sure it's you._

My stomach knotted.

"Well, it's high school," I offered, keeping my eyes trained on the road ahead, though my stomach was knotted in a hundred ways. "He'll, uh, be fine. I guess."

"Yeah," she shrugged, disinterested. "Whatever. I would love to know what's really going on, but Jazz and Eddie have a bro-mance going on. Jasper won't spill. Then again, the less I know, the better it is."

_That makes two of us, Alice…_

A/N:

So Eddie's made up his mind...but how is Saint Jesus' name is he going to get this one? We'll find out soon enough...

Reviews are like cudding up next to Badassward when he's horny as all hell...oh so satisfying ;]

RXR

until then,

Be Safe,

Alyssa Cullen


	9. Chapter 8: Day 4: The Hallway

Sorry the updates kinda suck on my end. I was teaching. Tis life.

ANYWHO, we start off with a very confused Bella. She can't decide just WHAT she wants…lol

SM OWNS ALL. I OWN SHIT.

Chapter 8 - Day 4: The Hallway

BPOV

Alice had directed me to the Fork's mall, which was really more of a bunch of connected stores with a food court in the middle. Nonetheless, the trip was well worth it; eye-opening, but worth it.

I never thought I'd ever know a shopper like Alice in my life. That girl was a one of a kind production.

Starting with _Macy's_, Alice quickly dragged me through _Sephora_ and _Coach_, making huge purchases in all of the stores. She was an unstoppable force, ravaging through racks, finding gorgeous designer clothes for amazing prices. I just followed her, jaw slackened while she taught me her motto. "Shop smarter, not harder, Bella. You _will_ learn."

"You consider this an Olympic sport, don't you?" I laughed, calling over my shoulder to Alice who was peering through a rack behind me.

"Mmhmm," she hummed. "Ooh!" she cried suddenly, spinning me around. Jutting a hanger under my chin, I was forced to look up while Alice measured a top against me. "Oh, this is just beautiful. It's perfect for you, too!"

"Who, me?"

"No. The Bella behind you. Yes, you!" Alice giggled. "Come on," she chimed, sing song. "You're trying this on. This is perfect date-wear with a great pair of jeans. And Uggs." She stopped short midsentence, as soon as she's uttered "Uggs", and I slammed right into her back. "You do own Uggs, right?" Alice spun, inquisitive.

"Uh…ugg—uggs?" I stuttered. I vaguely could remember hearing the name. I knew it was a brand, but boots weren't the shoe choice back in Arizona. Every day was pushing almost 80 degrees.

"You have to be kidding me," she gawked. "You're killing me. We're changing that right now. Shoe size?"

"Alice…"

"What's your shoe size, Bella?" Alice insisted, pushing me into a stall and handing me the top. "I'm finding you the perfect pair. What's your size?"

"7. Alice, you don't have to—", but I couldn't finish. Alice's tiny figure had already spun out of the dressing room, her hand waving as she called out to me.

"By the time you have that top on I'll have your boots!"

_Well, then. I guess I'm trying on these clothes._

The top really was exquisite, I realized, when I got the chance to finally see it. Silky smooth to the touch, it had a black and white Victorian scroll design. Cinching under my bust line, the bottom billowed out in an empire waistline, while the deep v enhanced my cleavage. Three quarter length sleeves made me appear much thinner—though I didn't need all that more thinning out. In short, it was a phenomenal top.

Until I saw the price.

Tucking my hair behind my ears, I caught sight of the ticket, my eyes quickly scanning the price.

_Holy crow this top is 79 dollars!_

I started panicking.

For starters, there was no way in this life that I could splurge and buy this top. In fact, I was relatively sure my entire wardrobe cost 80 bucks. It was incredibly out of my league, and the more I thought, the more I panicked, because Alice was coming any minute with boots.

I wasn't entirely sure how I was going to get the shirt off me and leave it on the rack without doing two things—hurting Alice's feelings, and having her catch on that I couldn't afford shopping trips with her.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't poor. I had enough saved money to feel comfortable to pocket 65 dollars with me for this trip. It was just that this sort of expensive taste wasn't exactly my style.

"Bella?" Alice called, rapping her knuckles on my door. "Can I see the top on you?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure, sure." I called, gnawing at my bottom lips in nervousness. "Just a sec. I'm not sure about this top though. It's nice and all just not—" the door swung open, and I realized simultaneously the beaming smile on Alice's face and when it fell just as I said "not for me."

"You…what? What do you mean it's not for you? This is a Donnatella Versace top. Bella, you look amazing!"

"I'm just…not sure it fits me well." Alice's eyebrow cocked up in question, and I reiterated. "Like, my wardrobe. Not me. I know it fits me. But it has no place in my closet. Especially not date wear."

"Bella, why don't you like the top?"

_Shoot._

"I love the top," I argued. I did. I just didn't love the price.

"Then it's too expensive." Her high pitched voice sounded sad, almost liked she'd regretted saying it. As if she was cautious not to hurt me.

My cheeks flushed. "No," I rasped. "No, I really can't."

"Then I'm buying it for you. And the boots," she stated with a certain conviction.

"No! No, Alice you cannot do that!"

"Why not?" her brow furrowed in confusion. "You look great in it. Bella, you're a beautiful girl. And besides, you're going to need great clothes like this for dates and such. Not that your clothes aren't great, just…you need dressy stuff."

I peeled the top over my head as she snagged it, taking off toward the register. I was too slow for her, and stumbled to get redressed, calling after her to not buy the top and the boots. When I caught up to her, Alice was already signing the receipt and receiving her card back.

"You didn't," I gasped.

"Shh. Yes I did," she replied, handing me my bag. "Welcome to Forks; let's be best friends."

I crossed my arms across my chest, adamant not to touch the bag. "You keep saying I need date clothes…I don't know why. There aren't any dates for me to go on."

"Yet," Alice smirked. "Please?" she pouted, her pixie like figure tense while she held out the bag. "I'm not the kind of person that buys my friends—that's not what I'm trying to do. But I really like you, Bella, and I wanted to do something nice for you. Please…just accept my gifts."

I don't know how anyone said no to this girl.

Two hours, two large soft drinks and five bags for Alice later, Alice and I walked into the fading dusk to my truck. We had no sooner gotten into the truck when her phone chimed, and she whipped it out, smiling. She hadn't even seen the screen, yet she'd squealed; "This is Jazzy!"

I shook my head, smiling. "How do you know?"

"Oh, it's just a part of me. I just know things. Just how I know that we're going to be great friends." There was a certain level of sincerity in her voice that I just couldn't shake. Alice was just whole-heartedly a loving person.

"So am I bringing you back to school to your car?"

"Hmm? Oh, no, Bella. I ride with Jasper in the morning. He picks me up."

_Strange…she and Edward have to be at school together, at the same time, yet they come in separately…_

_Edward…_

"Let me see where he is," she wonders, putting the phone to her ear. "Why hello, my love," she cooed into the phone, a tone of voice I hadn't heard her use all day. It was deeper, more mature and certainly more intimate. "Nothing much," she continued. "Bella and I had such a great day. We're heading back now, so I figured I'd call you and see where you were." Whatever response she received made her sigh, annoyed.

I gave myself one guess why, yet I trained my ears to listen closer.

"How did I know _that _was coming," she chided sarcastically. "Does he know what he's getting himself into?" Pause. "Humph. And he's adamant, you say? Wonderful," she spat. "What have you done to try and sway this situation in the opposite way? You know that you have that sort of talent with making other see other…oh…so _that_ was the little conversation you had yesterday."

She was incredibly vague, and my stomach twisted and turned. I never intended to be nosey but when someone has a conversation next to you, in a silent car, one can't help but hear. And be inquisitive. Especially when you were sure the conversation is about you and the brother of the person beside you. The fast food I ate back there became acid in my stomach, and I suddenly just wanted to hide; I was never one for confrontations, and from her clipped tone I could only assume that our friendship was nearly over. She had obviously, and finally, been informed by Jasper exactly what role I'd played in the havoc in her brother's life. I wouldn't blame her if she'd just get out of my truck at the next traffic light and hitch hike the rest of the way home.

"See what you can do to rectify it," Alice stated, very business like, and her eyes swept in my direction, just a quick glance. "I can't talk now. We'll talk later. The only thing I can say, Jasper, is that it's only a matter of time before nature takes its course. See you when I get home. I love you." And with that she ended her call, all the while retaining the perfect poker face.

"Could you please drop me off at my house, Bella?" Alice asks sweetly, as if nothing is wrong.

_Then again, maybe not, Bella. Maybe she's not mad…_

"Jasper and my brothers were together this afternoon; he's going to wait there for me." She shrugged nonchalantly, appearing as calm as ever.

My stomach dropped. What could I do? I had to drop her off—it would be entirely wrong not to do so, but just the thought of going into the vicinity of where Edward lived, almost entering his world, made it hard to breathe. I was struggling for air, and I rolled down the window to make a show of my car being stuffy.

"Of course."

I was doomed.

Everyone knew the Cullens had money. That was a given. But just how _much_ money they had hadn't dawned on me until I drove my beat up red truck up their perfectly manicured drive that lasted for at least a mile. Passing exquisite trees and beautifully landscaped gardens, I couldn't help but bash myself over my head. Alice and Edward were both so humble, both so real; you'd never imagine they had come from this level of grandeur. Alice, used to this sort of luxury, was sitting in a beat up, rusted hunk of metal that groaned as it drove. There was a faint stench of stale cigarettes that the previous owner must have tried to fabreeze out of the material to no avail. And yet she sat there, in comfortable jeans, an emerald Aeropostale thermal and crocheted Uggs. As if it were the most natural thing in the world for her to be taking this down step into my car. She rode in Jasper's Mercedes to school every day!

And as for Edward…well, his worn jeans, beat up old converses and t-shirt weren't for a show. They were regular clothes. He'd never made the impression to me that he was haughty or overdone. Just…simple. 

Like Alice had said earlier shopping, she didn't flash her money or wealth. She was just a person.

All this before I saw their house.

Parking in the circular drive, my lungs stopped. There before me, hidden in the privacy of the woods, was the expanse of the Cullen estate. Four floors high, the enormous white brick house stood as a testament of their wealth in the middle of the sparse, dark woods. Intricate bay windows and three balconies hovered over me and the cobblestone path leading up to the double doors was lit with solar lights. Windows on almost every floor were illuminated.

This was the kind of home you saw in the magazines and dropped dead over.

"Welcome to Casa de Cullen," Alice giggled. "Jazz's car is right there, thank God," she crooned, gathering up her bags. "Are you sure you don't want to come in?"

"No!" I jumped, and I saw Alice flinch. "No, I'm sorry, Alice. Not tonight. I have a lot of work…have to read act one of _Romeo and Juliet_."

"Oh, boo," she pouted, but flung her arms around me anyway. "I had such a great time! Can we do this again?"

"Sure," I laugh, and I really mean it, as Alice jumps out of the bulbous cab of my truck. "See you tomorrow!"

I imagined myself speeding away with the door open at least fifty different times by now. I was so ridden with fear, so admonished by their wealth, so worried that out would stroll Edward, ensuing another awkward confrontation, that I had to cut this short, and soon, before I passed out in the driver's seat.

"See you tomorrow, Bella!" Alice waved, blowing kisses as I pulled away.

I sighed deeply, rolling my stiff neck and resettling myself against the pillows on my bed. I'd been reading for hours, and though I loved it—was eager to read more of my assigned reading—I had to shift around a bit.

I've loved reading and English for as long as I could remember, had admired the classics, reading and re-reading them for years. That was part of the reason why I loved Mr. Berty's class the way I did. He'd handed me my reading material on the first day of class, and I was warmed to once again hold my five favorite novels of all time.

Seeing as how I came into the semester mid-March, the rest of the class had already read the other books, that I would be responsible for the final; the book we were reading currently was Romeo and Juliet.

Though I'd read it at least a dozen times, could recite whole verses from almost any act, something about reading it this time unsettled me. As if—as well as I knew the story, as well as I felt for the characters and was moved by the tragic progression—there was something that I had missed all along. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was oddly familiar to me, some element suddenly felt more personal.

_You're a bookworm, Bella. Things affect you differently because you feel more towards books._

_No, that's not it. There's something else._

_Just read; that's your outlet. Analyze the text. Concentrate on something else. _

I somehow managed to sweep myself back into the story, another five pages or so, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something.

_O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!_

_It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night_

_Like a rich jewel in Ethiop's ear—_

_Beauty too rich for use, for Earth too dear!_

_So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows_

_As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows._

_The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand_

_And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand…_

A shiver ran down my spine, as it struck me what I was reading.

Act I, Scene V.

Juliet, at a party where she doesn't feel she belongs—where she doesn't fit in—standing apart and alone from everyone else; Romeo, there by mistake—not really invited—merely catches sight of her and becomes instantly enamored.

_The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand_

_And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand…_

The outcast. The boy that doesn't belong finds the one girl that he's forbidden to be with.

The innocent Juliet meets Romeo, in love with another girl at every turn in life.

Mortal enemies, fated for love. Neither knows who the other is.

I sat bolt upright, hands trembling as I finally realized the comparison, realized what had been itching in my subconscious. That, without realizing it, whatever it was that I had with Edward, if I could even call it that, was written on the pages that I held in my hands.

The backs of my eyes started to burn.

_Now you've lost it, Bella. _

_No…no I didn't. _

_How many people compare their relationships to books? Are you really ready to be one of them?_

_Can't shake it…can't shake this feeling._

They met not knowing who the other was, and as crude and unrestrained as Romeo was in the beginning, it doesn't change how Juliet feels about him. And then the peace is broken; they find the truth about the other. And does it matter? Romeo still pursues her, because it doesn't matter that they are enemies. It doesn't matter who she is or where she comes from. He knows what he wants and he goes for it.

_Like Edward seems to be everywhere I am…he's not letting this go._

But Juliet, innocent Juliet takes it all in. She knows the truth, and has to decide what to do with it. Be wary, or cross over into the depths of sin? Does she look past what she's told to see, deeper into someone else that she catches rare glimpses of? Or does she turn and run back into Paris' arms?

The recesses of my memory pulled forward that night, the horror stricken look on Edward's face before he leapt over the balcony. When he'd looked up to me, his wide, jewel toned eyes boring into my soul; his perfect, full lips grinning that same crooked smile.

"_Goodnight, Juliet," _ his velvet voice echoed in my head.

The book fell from my hands, message after message trying to point me in directions that I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to go. My hands covered my face, and I breathed in deeply. I believed in fate. I believed in destiny. And whatever was going on with me, however I tried to deny it and push it away, was something that I had to deal with; it was only a matter of time before I had to make a choice.

But what would I choose?

EPOV

I snapped the tab of my soda can back hard, the loud pop deafening in Esme's pristine kitchen, and I chugged back the Pepsi.

_I almost wanna get another can, shake it up and then pop it open. That way it'll splatter and there'll be sticky brown shit everywhere._

_Esme'd be scrubbing the spotless white of the entire kitchen and screaming for a week._

I laughed at the thought, choking on my soda as I walked back into the living room with the guys. Emmett and Jasper were lounging back in the black leather sectional, their thumbs flying over the controllers in their hands, hooked up to my TV.

"Ed," Emmett called. "Call of Duty. Grab a controller."

"Nah, not tonight, Em," I shrugged. "Besides, I hate that shit. What's the use of playing a game that simulates being in the army? If I wanted to do that shit I'd fucking enlist."

"Yeah, OK," Emmett grunted, sarcastically. "As if Mom and Dad would let you."

My blood boiled, and I cursed under my breath. "They'd be the first fucking one's to drop me off at the enlisting office and speed away," I muttered under my breath, turning to go up to my room.

The front door clicked open and shut behind us, and silently and gracefully, Alice walked in, shopping bags, soft drink and all.

_Here we go…now she's gunna waltz right in, that smug fucking look on her face, and I'm not supposed to strangle her…_

"Hello, Gentlemen," she smiled, sitting behind Jasper who was practically falling off the edge of his seat to put his face in the TV screen. To be honest I wanted to grab him by the back of his fucking head—curls and all—and put it through the screen. I had been right in the next room when I heard him telling someone—who I knew was Alice—about me and Bella. As if he had some sort of fucking right to delve to my fucking sister any of my business; especially when the annoying little pixie was with Bella.

_He broke the man code by being pussy whipped. I was gunna break his face._

She wrapped her small arms around him, but he was so concentrated that he barely noticed. It wasn't until she kissed the side of his neck, and the fucking pussy dropped his remote. Alice grinned, knowing she'd gotten his attention.

_Women. All fucking conniving…_

He immediately turned around, kissing her softly and smiling, Emmett's character killing Jasper's quickly.

"Oh, come on!" Emmett bellowed. "What the fuck is this? This was guy's night!"

"I do _live_ here, Emmett," Alice chided, coming up for air from loverboy. "And Jasper _is_ my boyfriend. Besides, if I didn't stop Jasper you'd have lost," she smirked confidently, that all knowing smile on her face, and went right back to sucking Jasper's face off. He grunted, and whatever I ate came right back up. I tasted fucking vomit.

"Uh, I'm done here. I'm not about to sit here and watch you two fuck each other on the couch," I huff, starting my way into the foyer.

"_What?_ Your gunna fuck her on the couch?" Emmett growls. "Jazz, I don't care who the fuck you are that's my baby sister!"

As I started up the stairs I could hear Jasper go into shock, defending himself against an angry Emmett, and I laughed my ass right up to my third floor bedroom.

It was dark and quiet, like it always is, and I welcomed that peace all over again. I was frustrated, to say the least, and pissed that I didn't get the chance to see Bella and make this work.

_Who says it's gunna work, asshole?_

_It is. It will. She's mine, and I'm not stopping until she's under my arm._

_Or under me._

Now_ that_ was a nice thought. Too nice, because I started to get worked up again.

_Shit's gotta change…she's not that kind of girl…_

I pulled my shirt over my head, dropping it on the floor this time, and hopped right into the shower. It was only eight thirty when I'd gotten out, but I knew there wasn't much time before I crashed. Pulling on a clean pair of boxers and Rolling Stone pajama pants, I barely pulled on a shirt when someone knocked on my door.

"Hey, Edward, can I come in?" Jasper called, and I swung the door open. I wasn't expecting it to be him, seeing as how he was just devouring my sister. He must have seen the shock on my face when I swung the door open, because he asked; "Is this a bad time?"

"No," I shrugged coldly, and stepped over to my dresser to find an undershirt. "What's up, Jazz?"

"Listen, I'm gunna cut right to the chase—"

"You're an asshole? I know."

"Actually, Edward, no. I'm not an asshole. You'll understand someday when you have a girlfriend what it's like to keep things from her."

"Jazz! Did you think it would make it better by telling her? Alice was in the fucking car with Bella!"

"Alice…was saying things that were very vague…"

"So Bella's dumb? She's _dense?_ She can't put fucking one and one together that maybe you were talking about her?"

"How do you know what went through Bella's head?" he countered, angrily.

"I don't know! I just fucking do!" I yelled, slamming the drawer closed and raking my hands through my sopping wet hair, sprinkling beads of water everywhere. "I don't know. I can only suspect. She's the only girl I can't get a fucking read on, Jazz."

"Whatever, Edward. Look, I'm not here to fight with you. I can't keep secrets from my girlfriend. I just wanted to come in here and say," his voice dropping an octave lower, just above a whisper, "to look for a BBM tomorrow. I'm gunna see if I can keep an eye on Bella tomorrow. Give you a hand."

I stared blankly.

_He's gunna do what?_

"You're gunna _stalk my girl?_" I spat, my voice no louder than his was. "Did you lose your fucking mind?"

"Listen, I'm trying to help you, man, but there's only so much I could do. I mean, what do you want from me? I'm trying to make this up to you!"

"All right, all right," I shook my head. "See what you can do. But wait till she's like…alone."

"Got it," he agreed, offering me his hand. I pounded it. "I'm going home. See you tomorrow. Night, Bro."

_At least the little prick had the semblance to make this up to me._

_So…tomorrow is it then…_

ECullen: PING!

ECullen: PING!

ECullen: PING!

JHale: I'm gunna fucking off you, bro :o

I chuckled to myself. I'd spent all of Thursday torturing Jasper through BBM. I'd only just remembered the annoying PING option on BBM that practically blew up the phone until you answered. I'd sent him fifteen pings in 20 minutes.

ECullen: then u should have answered me 20 mins ago

JHale: wtf are U tlkin ? I'm in class, asswipe.

ECullen: Yeah, so am I

JHale: *rolls eyes* I got nothing 4 U.

ECullen: What is it that you R good 4?

JHale: Apparently nothing. G2G. Bromwell is lookin me.

ECullen: fine. Make URself useful soon.

I didn't know how much more I could take. I was in study hour, my last period of the day before lunch. And no sign of Bella.

So much for Jasper and his promises.

My stomach knotted in that same, sick way it always did when I thought of Bella. I wanted to berate myself. Worse, I wanted more to club myself over the head with my mood swings. As much as I had the desire, the want to see her, I didn't know what the fuck I was going to say once I finally saw her. I didn't even know if she'd respond to me once I did find her. If that was the route she was going to take, I was in for one hell of a fucking semester.

My head bent forward into my crossed arms resting on the table in front of me. I needed to clear my head, and fast.

_What do you say to nice girls?_

_Your hair looks nice?_

_No, that's gay hairdresser._

_You look pretty?_

_Yeah, yeah that had to work._

_Why is this so hard?_

I picked up my phone, my black Blackberry Curve, and noticed only five minutes had passed.

_Fuck. Five minutes till lunch. _

And I had no game plan.

Scrolling through my contacts, I found my open chat with Jasper.

ECullen: PING!

JHale: I hate u

JHale: what do U want?

ECullen: stfu 4 a minute…

JHale: what

I hesitated. I knew why I'd BBMed him. It was something I'd never done before, never had the need to do. But I needed Jasper's wealth of knowledge more than anything right now.

Jasper was a nice guy. A nice guy who treated girls right. A nice guy who knew how to treat my sister.

For the first time, Edward Cullen was asking for advice.

_Dude…you're so fucking done._

I must have taken too long, because my phone vibrated in my hand, signaling another BBM from Jazz.

JHale: ?

The thing was, it was hard for me to admit. It took a long time to type it out because it took time for me to admit I needed the help.

ECullen: like…what do I say?

JHale: …

JHale: UR jking

ECullen: …no

JHale: fuck…uh tell her she looks nice

ECullen: ok then?

JHale: r U telling me U don't know how 2 have a convo with a girl?

ECullen: that doesn't involve what we'll be doin l8er that nite in my room? No

JHale: UR Fucked

ECullen: thnx, prick

JHale: jus try and TALK. Normally. No crude comments

JHale: try n see what interests her

ECullen: we're in school...nuttin interesting here

JHale *rolls eyes*

The bell rang loudly but I didn't move. I wasn't going to lunch; I was going to stay right where I was. The library was in the middle of the campus. That just made it easier for me to get to Bella wherever she was.

JHale: class just ended; B told A she's having lunch by her car…something about having to do HW

ECullen: HW?

JHale: uh…yes? Homework?

ECullen: I kno what it means, ass

JHale: Try by her locker…senior hallway same side the bio room. Last 1, top locker

ECullen: got it. Jazz?

JHale: ?

ECullen: thnx bro

JHale: any time. lunch?

ECullen: nah. C u l8er.

_T minus 45 minutes…_

I was so fucked.

Fifteen minutes short of the lunch period being over I'd gone out of my fucking mind. I couldn't sit there anymore, listening to the rain against the window, looking in and out of shelves of books and walking around aimlessly. I had to do something, because whatever I was about to do was eating me alive.

_If you even find her._

_We're right back where we were. No control, Edward. You've lost all control._

_She dictates your every move._

_Bella makes decisions for you._

It burned me. I'd prided myself all along with never having been trapped by a girl. There was no reason to be trapped, because they were all the same. They all dressed up to flaunt their assets. They all put too much fucking makeup on so that when it came off they didn't even look like themselves. They all played dumb and they were all conniving. Most importantly, they all wanted the same things from you—to be a dime-piece on your arm. They all just wanted to be a pretty thing to be flaunted on a guy's arm; and when they guy got too close he got too fucked up. And then she'd dump him and move onto the next one.

Except that wasn't Bella.

Bella didn't wear clothes that showed off her body and Bella didn't paint up her face like a clown. Every time I looked at her—thought of her, really—it was her actual face I saw, not some fabrication that was replicated out of a magazine. More importantly, she wasn't an air-head that played dumb—Bella put you in your place and didn't think twice about it. She didn't need anyone to be her own person, hadn't thrown herself or gushed at anyone in the three days she'd been at this school because she wasn't fake.

Bella was the complete opposite of anything or anyone I'd ever met. Bella was real.

And Bella didn't want me.

_You're gunna change that._

_You damn well better. Who's gunna fucking deal with your ass when she ends up on someone else's arm?_

At that point I'd strolled right through the cafeteria, picked up a bottle of Dr. Pepper, opened it up and took a gulp. I was practically shaking imagining her with someone else, knowing full well that couldn't—wouldn't—happen. Ever. I walked aimlessly, my baggy jeans dragging behind my chucks, tapping the slowly emptying bottle against my thigh.

Then I turned a corner into the senior hallway without thinking. Christ, I wasn't even paying attention.

And I stopped short.

Before me was the pale, silent expanse of the hallway. Blue water-colored linoleum flooring spread out before me, the tall beige lockers stretched out on either side, narrowing toward the door on the far side of the hallway.

And at the end of the hallway, on the same side of the biology room, at the top locker by the door, stood Bella.

I couldn't move. Fuck, I couldn't do anything.

_I am so fucking unprepared for this._

My stomach doing that painful, twisting thing, my heart was racing, practically pounding right out of my chest. I was literally stunned into immobility.

_See? She fucking controls you. You can't even move._

_What an asshole you are. Legit, bro. _

_Well, what the fuck am I gunna do? Stand here?_

Her backpack unzipped and open on the floor, Bella was bending to lift books from her bag to pack them into her cramped locker.

I took two cautious and soundless steps forward.

I could see her clearer, see that her brown hair was hanging past her shoulders, and that she'd clipped back the front pieces her hair away from her face and to the back of her head. She looked slender where she stood in faded fitted jeans and a long sleeved black sweater. The girl before me wasn't the same girl from Monday dressed in a baggy men's jacket; she was all feminine curves. She was designed to ignite a man's desire.

I took a few more steps forward.

At least five lockers away from her, I could tell she still hadn't noticed my presence. She hadn't even turned in my direction. In fact, she'd stopped moving, standing still with both of her hands encasing something in her locker. I tapped my half empty bottle of Dr. Pepper furiously against my leg.

_Loud. Too loud. _

Her head shot up, turning instantly in my direction and I stood frozen, like a deer in headlights.

_You are so fucking useless._

I didn't move an inch, watching intently as the emotions flew over Bella's face as she stared at my unmoving figure.

Her eyes widened then dropped to the floor, a pink blush taking over her cheeks. Bella said nothing; it was just she and I standing in the hallway, staring at each other. Neither of us knew exactly what to say. I sure as hell didn't, though I was sure she probably had nothing to say to me.

I'd never thought silence had a sound, but here it was deafening. Almost too much to bear. Except for my breathing that sounded way too loud in this small space, the pounding of my heart, banging in my chest, Bella was as calm and unmoving as a statue. One of us had to say something—do something—because standing here and doing nothing was going to kill me.

_It's now or never, Ed._

"Hi, Bella", say quietly. I was alarmed by the evenness of my voice. Inside I was shaking with anticipation. Anticipation of being near her.

Bella opened her mouth only enough to set her perfect teeth into her lower lip. Looking down at the tiled floor, her right hand holding a book lifted so she could rest it against her upper left arm; a defense mechanism, no doubt. She breathed, barely audible. "Hi, Edward."

I was so rooted to my spot I couldn't move forward. I wanted to, so badly. But I just couldn't.

_She's so beautiful._

"I haven't seen you," I said, suddenly ready to spill my soul onto the floor.

_Your soul…ha! You don't have one._

_I know._

Bella's eyes never rose from the floor and her teeth didn't release their vice tight grip on her lower lip. Her face got redder. "I didn't think you'd want to see me," she finally confessed.

She forced my foot forward; I had to step closer to her. It killed me to notice that the closer I moved to her, the more she backed herself against her locker. She was moving further away from me, like the doe backing away from its predator.

And that's what I was, wasn't I? I was the one who'd made her first day here unbearable, made her cry and gasp and hurt in this exact hallway. The truth was, she was that same broken girl now, same as Monday. She sounded so hurt, so breakable that I felt the overwhelming need to make it better.

_Why? Why do you have to make it better?_

_I don't fucking know, ok? All I know is that whatever I've been doing has hurt her and I can't do that anymore._

_You're ruined, bro. Ruined._

_Fuck. Think of Jasper. Think of how he would treat Bella._

I felt the deep and angry crease of my brow and I took the final steps to close the distance between Bella and I. Her back was flat against the tan lockers, my right elbow suspended and leaning against the sharp corner of her open locker door.

Bella went completely rigid. The pink of her blush had only deepened, and by the time my eyes met hers dead on she was positively red. Her small frame labored with deep breaths, wide chocolate eyes searching mine for something she clearly couldn't find.

I wanted her so badly.

"Why would you think I didn't want to see you?" She bit her lip in response, averted her eyes again. "Bella?"

Bella's eyes immediately shot up to mine. With guarded confidence she tilted her face away from mine, off to the side and spoke slowly; clearly. "You told me I was batshit. That I complicated your life."

_Oh, fuck. That little thing…_

_Not a shot in hell now…_

"I didn't…"

"You _did_. You said it," she insisted with quiet, hushed strength.

"I know I did," I whispered right back, using the same pitch and tone as she did. I didn't know how we fucking heard each other. "I know I said it, but sometimes, Bella, when people are mad…"

"They get stuff off their chests that they've been dying to say." It was a statement, an accusation she'd been waiting to tell me. I could see it in the way she held herself that this was her defense; it was her way of getting even with me because I'd hurt her so badly. Bella was challenging me—as she always did—but this time was different. This time, I knew it was me that fucked up, knew that what I did, what I'd said, was completely out of line.

And she very well might have been saying her last goodbye to me.

Well that was impossible.

"I didn't mean it, Bella."

Bella didn't answer. She just stared, as if I would grow another head. Or maybe that I'd crack, just tell her that I did hate her, that I didn't ever want to see her again.

_I'm sorry, baby, but I can't do that._

There wasn't a shot in hell I was leaving her alone.

"Bella, I don't hate you."

"I never accused you of hating me. Just disliking me enough to hurt me." Her eyes dropped, her hands wringing themselves at her waist. "Or to use me."

_What?_

_The revenge thing. She thinks I want to use her for revenge against her father._

"That's a really fucked up way to look at my interest in you. You honestly think that that's what I'd do to you? You honestly believe that that's what I want?"

She couldn't really believe that, couldn't feel in her heart of hearts that I wanted to hurt her. What did she have to do with her fat fuck of a father? He was a different person, a different relationship.

"Edward," she choked on my name, and her eyes became glassy with uncertainty. "I don't know what you want. I don't know what you want from _me_…"

I stared blankly. Could she not see it? She couldn't see from the way I looked at her, see from the bags under my eyes and the way my whole system practically shut down that all I wanted was her?

"I just…I don't fucking know." Like a nervous tick I began to tap my soda bottle harder and harder against my leg. Bella's eyes widened and flare with anger.

_Douchebag, she's not a fan of cursing._

_Yeah, got that._

"Sorry," I rush, holding both my hands op as a peace offering, my bottle hanging from my right hand. "I forget…you don't, uh, like my mouth."

Bella shook her head lightly, a small smile gracing her lips. So small that if you didn't study her face the way I did with all the spare time I had jerking myself off, you'd have missed it.

_Score…fucking score, Ed!_

_All right…keep going. Don't stop._

"You uhm…," I start, gritting my teeth and stretching my arm back to scratch the back of my neck. I coughed, my mouth dry.

_Soda. You have soda. Drink it._

I had attempted for that to go suavely. Open the bottle, take a drink and give her a compliment. What I hadn't planned on was the bottle's gas pressure building so that when I opened the bottle, Dr. Pepper exploded in my face.

_I wish I was dead._

_Seriously, asshole, why don't you tap the bottle against your leg a little bit more? It obviously didn't empty ALL of its contents on you…_

I stood there, gaping like a fish, feeling like a complete retard and dripping with soda. "_Shit_," I cursed under my breath, prepared to let out another long string of curses. I only stopped because I heard the fucking most amazing thing in the world.

Bella's high chimed laugh.

I fucking swear, my heart stopped in my chest for a minute before starting up all over again, at a pace one hundred times faster, my eyes shooting up to make sure I wasn't imagining things.

Bella shook with laughter, the book in her hand flying up to cover her high tinkling laugh. It was the single most beautiful thing I'd heard all day. Her cheeks filled with the beautiful pink blush she wore so perfectly, and there was nothing—absolutely nothing—that could compare to the light behind her eyes. The brown filled with life, with warm, molten honey, the first sign she'd shown of joy in my presence in a week.

I couldn't help it. I felt like the biggest moron off the face of the earth, but I had to laugh with her. My lips curled in that crooked, tight smile of mine and I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks.

_Dude. You're blushing. Run away and don't come back._

"You like, that, huh?" I ask jovially, chuckling shortly. "I've made a complete ass of myself."

Her cheeks flushed, Bella sucked her whole bottom lip into her mouth to hide her laughter. And then she grinned, and my heart stopped and my dick got hard. I was stunned where I was.

_She's so fucking beautiful._

_We know. You've said that already._

_Have I? I don't think I told her…_

_Well when would you like to? Next year?_

My stomach knotted. I wanted to tell her she was beautiful. I wanted to tell her everyday that I thought she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. So why couldn't I just say it?

_Because you're a little pussy._

_Am not._

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. The light behind her eyes, the way her laughter brought her whole demeanor to life. She was stunning. She made me laugh at myself. I wished more than anything that she was mine.

She was still mid laughter when I'd stopped, just grinning at her with my crooked smile, when I just couldn't take it anymore.

"You're beautiful, Bella."

I said it as sincerely and earnestly as I could. Because I really fucking meant it.

Bella stopped laughing shortly. Her eyes darkened, instantly going on guard again, dropping her book that she still held to her waist. "Thanks," she said, barely audible. Her eyes refused to meet mine again.

"I mean it," I said, but she didn't answer, obviously not knowing how to respond.

_Find something else…change the conversation…keep her going…_

"So, are you gunna tell me what you're reading, or not?"

"Oh, nothing, really. Just _Romeo and Juliet_."

_And she just ruined it._

"Ugh…Bella. Come on," I grunt, my brow knitting in revulsion. "You can't be serious."

"Well, it's for Mr. Berty's class," she answered, confused. "What have you got against _Romeo and Juliet_, anyway?"

"What I have against it is that it's boring. And no one knows what the fuck Shakespeare's trying to say because he talks himself and everyone else in circles."

Bella nods, considering what I've said extremely carefully. "_Romeo and Juliet_ is my favorite work of literature. Ever," she stared, as if I were retarded.

_She's looking at you like you're retarded, you fucking asshole bastard._

_You are retarded. _

_You do know you royally fucked this up. And not for nothing but you are pointless to any literature discussion because you don't read._

I practically shit myself in the hallway.

_Odds always stacked against you, fucktard. You will never get this girl._

"Ah, God…shit. Bella…"

"Have you ever read _Romeo and Juliet_, Edward?" she asked, her eyes set on grilling me.

"No."

"Then how can you make a proper judgment? How can you take something you know nothing about and make an assumption, when you haven't taken the time to get to know anything about it?"

"I don't know, Bella. You tell me."

I didn't know if she had seen the double entendre coming. I didn't know if she'd realized it the second the words flew from her lips, that she'd drawn an equal parallel to me. She'd accused me of making judgments on a piece of literature I'd never paid mind to, but was it really so different from what she'd done to me? Bella came across me, and much like I did with the Shakespearian play, Bella took what little she'd heard from others—trivial pieces of misgivings, opinions and comments, and taken them as gospel; she made them her own. Without bothering to see if any of it was true. Without trying to make a decision on her own. She'd simply followed suit—hated the bad guy just like everyone else did.

She defended a book—a fucking book with pages of paper and words typed on it—as if it's characters and themes had feelings. There I stood before her, a human being, flesh and fucking blood; where was my defense? The book could handle another rejection. I'd been rejected all my life. The fucking bound pages could handle it. I couldn't. She was no one to talk.

As I stood, solemn and waiting for an answer, it dawned on her, and I knew the precise second that it did. I saw the tremor pass through her, the fear that maybe I'd snap like I did last time—unknowing that I'd never treat her that way again.

So quickly she'd slammed her locker shut and looped her backpack around her shoulder, ready to bolt. "I have to go," Bella sputtered, her face hot with embarrassment.

"No," I reached out, grabbing her wrist. Sparks flew where our skin met, or at least, they did on my end, and my grip tightened. Not so tight that I'd hurt her—I'd never permit myself to physically hurt her—but tight enough that she wasn't getting away. "Don't go yet."

_Please say no. Don't walk away. _

"Edward, please let go," she whispered. "I have to go. I should have gone a long time ago."

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do," she said, the full power of her eyes meeting me head on.

_No…don't say that…don't push me away._

The skin of Bella's wrist, from what I could feel under my fingers, was as soft as silk, but her pulse raced wildly. I could feel the soft tremors fly through her, the tugging once as she tried unsuccessfully to pull free. Her head was bent down trying to inspect my grip, maybe even find a way to set her free. I couldn't read her expression because her hair had fallen like a curtain to hide her face, but I knew from her panting that I had an effect on her.

Everything around me blurred except for the mass of Bella's hair.

Now, I knew it was brown—anyone with eyes could see that—but with the natural light coming in from the high windows, the red strands that mingled in with the deep and medium brown locks glistened. They swirled in and around, through her soft waves, tucked under the twists that were clipped to the sides of her head. It awed me that someone could have so many facets, that a girl's hair alone could have me so fascinated.

Its' scent hit me like a wrecking ball.

Like warm strawberries mixed with sweet fruits, her shampoo assailed me, crawled into me and inhabited my body. There was nowhere in the world I'd smelled something so rich, so pure and enticing. She was my kryptonite, because I swear my fucking knees buckled.

And then she looked at me. Bella's jaw set in a grim line, her full pink lips quivered with the frustration of captivity. Her skin flushed a pale pink. And her eyes, the color of melted chocolate that carefully faded into the color of dripping honey before falling helplessly into the black of her pupil. I could count every small fleck of brown that enhanced their depth. They were wide, framed in the thick black of her lash line. They were imploring; desperate. They asked me questions, wondered why I was doing this, what I wanted from her. More importantly, they begged me to let her go.

I couldn't take it anymore, couldn't handle myself. There was nothing I wanted more than to trace my index finger down the curve of her jaw, lock her chin between my forefinger and thumb and press my lips against hers; nothing lewd or forceful. Just the slight pressure of her melding against me. Just to know what that would feel like.

It didn't take much effort to pull her closer to me. I simply tugged her enclosed wrist and took half of a step closer to her, Bella's supple chest grazed against the hard planes of my chest. Her lips parted, panting hard into my face as I breathed into hers. I could feel her tremble more, as I watched as her eyes fly over my face, searching intently for any sign that I'd crack.

"Let me go, _please_," she whispered, tugging to get her wrist free from mine. "You _have_ to let me go."

"No. Because if that's what you really wanted you'd have walked away by now."

_Stay. Prove me right. I'm not ready to end this now._

"Edward…_please_."

It had to be the most painful thing I'd ever do, because I knew she didn't mean it. I'd looked into her eyes and seen she was just as conflicted as me—that she wasn't sure who was who and which way was up. I wasn't the guy everyone told her I was.

"Can I…can I see you tomorrow?" I couldn't bear to look at her when I asked her. It just hurt too fucking much.

"Maybe, Edward. Maybe…"

"Promise me," I breathed, looking Bella dead in her eyes. I tried to show her, tried frenziedly to express what I felt inside of my chest; my heart clenching for her, the explosion of warmth I felt when only she was around. It was a scary sensation on my part, and from the look in her eyes I knew in my bones that she felt the same, no matter how hard she denied it. I couldn't understand how the intensity with which my eyes burned with hadn't scalded her flesh.

I pulled her just a step closer. She was pressed against my chest, her open face looking up at me as she was almost a head shorter than me. "Promise that we'll talk again tomorrow."

_Why couldn't she just stay with me? Just a little bit longer…_

I watched her expressions change uncontrollably. She was right in the middle of a battlefield, a war raging inside of her. Bella's pupils dilated, her molten eyes roamed my face for confirmation that my vow that what happened on Monday would never happen again. That I fucking meant it with my whole heart when I said my intentions were to never hurt her again.

I gently leaned my forehead against hers, a small, gentle pressure that sent me reeling.

"Bella…_please_…promise you'll see me tomorrow." I wasn't above begging at this point, my whisper holding an anxious edge to it.

Her eyes tightened slightly, as if she'd found what she was looking for. And there it was. A look of understanding; acceptance. My eyes widened painfully as she gave into me; her body leaned the smallest pressure against my eager body.

"Yes, Edward," she sighed. "Tomorrow. I promise."

It was an earnest promise; one Bella was secure in making. Whatever resolve she'd found in my eyes had strengthened her demeanor.

I let her go.

The second my fingers released her wrist I immediately felt the loss of her. I exhaled, my fist clenching and unclenching as she walked away, taking everything with her, all feeling and the very breath from my lungs.

I had nothing except a small ray of hope.

And tomorrow.

_We_ had tomorrow.

GASP! Is Bella giving in? Is she ready to accept Edward? Can she decide between what she thinks and what she feels?

We have a promise for tomorrow. Right?

Maybe. Read and review and I'll write faster. ;]

Be Safe

Alyssa Cullen


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